The Cat That Evil Wrought! (393 hits)
Category: Humor -> Dirty HumorRating: -1.2 on 5 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Emily <meanderingpoet.at.yahoo.com> (View user info) at 2005-02-07 11:35:55 EST
There is a vile companion that stalks the halls of my home. Ever patient, ever vigilant and reeking with the scent of all that is vile. All that is good and right in the world is nought when in comparison with this great abundance of malice. His name is Silus; and he is my enormous twenty-four pound cat-demon.
But not only his size is a matter for his evil, evil nature. You see, he is a fecal deployer. His weapon is large, strategically placed bombs of feces, often in the most underhanded of places. How devious is the mind of a cat that will poop on your bed with you in it? That's right. One night last week my bed-guest woke up with feces on his foot, compliments of Silus. A perfect way to ruin any sort of romantic mood whatsoever. But it doesn't stop there! The brand new living room carpet was soiled countless time, my roommates blanket was destroyed past salvation, and the mastermind of evil found the perfect place to lay his fiendish turd...the kitchen floor where his poop is the same color as the tiling. Perfectly sinister camo for his little "presents." Now, you may be thinking that I, the pet owner might be to blame for this anal eruptions. That could not be further from the truth. He has a perfectly usable litter box, that he chooses to ignore for the deployment of his shit-missiles.
But the straw that broke the camel's back was when he took an enormous dump all over a stack of bills that i had filled out, stamped and had written checks for. They were neatly stacked up on a counter where Silus the most dastardly got every last one covered in his cat-ass-goo. There were six, and they were disgusting. This only goes to show his masterwork of planning and malice...to wait for the one time of the month where bills are done...and to crap upon them with vile glee.
This must be combated! I need a hero to save me from this foulest tormentor of crapulence! And here are two photos of the vile kitty with his gangster-moll. Your eyes are not deceiving you, my cat's accomplice in crime is his beloved toilet-brush. See how infatuated he is with his toilet-scrubbing beauty? This fecal menace must be stopped! His reign (rain) of brown terror!
User Reviews
Submitted by xenon (user info) at 2005-02-08 11:24:21 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
bigger pic next time, please
Submitted by Feijuada (user info) at 2005-02-08 11:21:40 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Impossible to read, picture too big.
Submitted by InkyFingers (user info) at 2005-02-08 11:09:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
MY GOD, WHAT DO YOU FEED THIS BEAST? IT'S BIG ENOUGH TO EAT THE WEEE BABIES! IT GOES MEOW MEOW MEOW, THEN BREATHES BLUE RADIOACTIVE CAT FIRE ON TOKYO.
CATZEERA IS COMING!!!
MRAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
AIEEE, AIEEE, WRUN AWAY WRUN AWAY!
You need to photoshop that image.
Submitted by jack11058 (user info) at 2005-02-07 11:45:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
too big! too big!
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-02-07 11:37:48 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
My, Grandma, what a big pussy you have!