The Cat That Evil Wrought! (594 hits)
Category: Humor -> Dirty HumorRating: -0.5 on 8 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Emily <meanderingpoet.at.yahoo.com> (View user info) at 2005-02-07 11:37:03 EST
There is a vile companion that stalks the halls of my home. Ever patient, ever vigilant and reeking with the scent of all that is vile. All that is good and right in the world is nought when in comparison with this great abundance of malice. His name is Silus; and he is my enormous twenty-four pound cat-demon.
But not only his size is a matter for his evil, evil nature. You see, he is a fecal deployer. His weapon is large, strategically placed bombs of feces, often in the most underhanded of places. How devious is the mind of a cat that will poop on your bed with you in it? That's right. One night last week my bed-guest woke up with feces on his foot, compliments of Silus. A perfect way to ruin any sort of romantic mood whatsoever. But it doesn't stop there! The brand new living room carpet was soiled countless time, my roommates blanket was destroyed past salvation, and the mastermind of evil found the perfect place to lay his fiendish turd...the kitchen floor where his poop is the same color as the tiling. Perfectly sinister camo for his little "presents." Now, you may be thinking that I, the pet owner might be to blame for this anal eruptions. That could not be further from the truth. He has a perfectly usable litter box, that he chooses to ignore for the deployment of his shit-missiles.
But the straw that broke the camel's back was when he took an enormous dump all over a stack of bills that i had filled out, stamped and had written checks for. They were neatly stacked up on a counter where Silus the most dastardly got every last one covered in his cat-ass-goo. There were six, and they were disgusting. This only goes to show his masterwork of planning and malice...to wait for the one time of the month where bills are done...and to crap upon them with vile glee.
This must be combated! I need a hero to save me from this foulest tormentor of crapulence! And here is a photo of the vile kitty with his gangster-moll. Your eyes are not deceiving you, my cat's accomplice in crime is his beloved toilet-brush. See how infatuated he is with his toilet-scrubbing beauty? This fecal menace must be stopped! His reign (rain) of brown terror!
User Reviews
Submitted by InkyFingers (user info) at 2005-02-08 11:05:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
People seem to forget that their pets are not people, and they can be thrown in the garbage on a whim. Your cat needs to wise up, or you need to find a new dumpster/home for it.
Submitted by hungovermondays (user info) at 2005-02-07 12:18:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
give him an acid bath
Submitted by Vomit (user info) at 2005-02-07 12:09:22 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Don't fuck with me you little knobgobbler.
Submitted by WhatTheHell (user info) at 2005-02-07 11:42:05 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
KICK IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-02-07 11:39:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
YEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
Kick it.
Submitted by Vomit (user info) at 2005-02-07 11:39:34 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Not off to a good start, huh?
Submitted by WhatTheHell (user info) at 2005-02-07 11:38:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Just snap his little furry neck, and be on with it.
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2005-02-07 11:37:33 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
WINNAR!!11! you fucked that up twice!