A Typical College Tale: Picking up Girls (who have boyfriends) While Rolling on Ecstasy (four pills) and Getting Thrown into a Soda Display (1426 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -1.2 on 15 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by AnotherStupidUsername (View user info) at 2005-02-07 12:01:48 EST
So---
I'm down to my last few hundred bucks from my ten grand I won (see story here: http://www.ubersite.com/m/56973 ) and decide to blow most of it on ecstasy and hang out with a few friends and hit up the grocery store, we need keg cups and bags of flour, so we can cut it up like lines and charge five bucks a hit to the dumb ass freshman that come to the party tonight.....
Fifteen minutes later, destination: grocery store. I'm running around the back aisle by the meat department humping old ladies and sucking on a pacifier that I pulled from the shelf, and somehow my buddy Joe figured out how to jack into the in-store music and draw music from the I-Pod we have, so on a mid Saturday afternoon we have techno music playing full blast and were racing grocery carts down the back aisle running over little kids and the handicapped employees that were scattered about drooling and mumbling incoherently. We park the carts in the water aisle and proceed to each grab a gallon of water, which we chug immediately and catch our breath, and then it happened. Maybe it was the ecstasy, Ok, it DEFINITELY was the ecstasy, but this gorgeous brunette with a perfect body and these AMAZING hazel-green eyes was walking toward us, in this slow motion hip-grinding seductive dance, but again, it was probably just the ex. Sure, I saw her boyfriend pushing the cart behind her, but as anyone who's ever taken ecstasy before knows, if you a girl you want, she's yours, and no one--boyfriend or not--is going to stop that from happening. So she walks past me and moves her eyes and and down my body and makes real deep eye contact, and smiles, and I smile back and turn and watch her tight ass until she turns and glances back and smiles again, then turns and goes into the next aisle.
Oh my God, she is so mine dude, I say and turn to my buddy, but when I turn around to address him, my face smacks square into a massive chest, the boyfriend glances down at me menacingly. I turn to look for my friends, some back up, but they are running lap two in the grocery cart finals, must of sensed my impending doom, so I'm all alone with Musclehead who apparently seems pretty angry.
Why you checking out my girl?
---Well first off dude, cause she has a great ass, did you see her smile at----
At this point he grabbed me and forced me into the store brand soda display, causing the whole thing to buckle and almost tip, and really pissing me off because I hate soda, especially store brand....names like DR. Thunder, how fucking unoriginal......
---You want to get beat up, freak? The musclebound vagrant snarled at me.
No, I said calmly back, but I want you to get your fucking hands off me so I can get away from this dreadful soda....Jesus THANK YOU, and now...
I placed my hands behind my back and clenched them together and stood tall and stiff and looked at musclehead straight in the eyes.
Hit me, I said.
Your asking for it pal, I'm going to give you the ass kicking of your life---
Oh yes! Please do. You see, one of my fetishes is getting the shit kicked out of me, especially when I'm totally defenseless and am not resistant at all...do me a favor and hit me here--I point to my cheek, and here--I point to middle of my chest, you see these will do the most physical damage that will come in handy when I sue your ass for every dime your worth, and it looks like your girl doesn't like a broke loser, so she'll probably come over to me and tend to my wounds, you worthless piece of shi----
At this point muscleboy got so fed up with my rambling he merely pushed me, but I was so off balance and unsuspecting, I mean, damn! I though I had him with my speech, that I flew backwards and into the soda display and became coated with gallons of Dr. Thunder---I still shudder thinking about it even now. Immediately, store security grabbed this buffoon and worked on kicking him out, as he called for his girl, but she was near me, helping me out of the pile of soda and shaking her head muttering, What an asshole.
Afterwards, after I was clean, I shoot the shit with this chick, her name was Jessie or something---I was mostly just staring at her tits---and we took some ex and went back to my house, she offered to help me set up for the party.
Yes, in case your wondering, I got laid, sex on ex truly is the best thing ever.
User Reviews
Submitted by AnotherStupidUsername (user info) at 2005-02-07 13:36:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Timmah (user info) at 2005-02-07 13:21:26 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
bleh
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-02-07 13:13:45 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
what knucklesnelson said..
Submitted by cheruboo (user info) at 2005-02-07 12:57:03 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I hate you.
Submitted by AnotherStupidUsername (user info) at 2005-02-07 12:45:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Wheee!!!
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-02-07 12:26:00 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
what scream said.....
dipshit!
Submitted by WhatTheHell (user info) at 2005-02-07 12:24:33 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Ahhh... go fuck a duck
Submitted by screamfeeder (user info) at 2005-02-07 12:22:33 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
So let me get this straight...
A couple of glaze-eyes like you and your friends all start raising hell at a store.
You manage to "figure out" how to pipe in Digital Media into a Grocers music bank (which is most likely satellite radio and thus has NO input...but whatever. You're "cool kids".)
You make goggle-eyes at some hard body.
Her boyfriend is the ass for pushing you, you pathetic leering bastard.
He gets thrown out of the store and you fuck his girlfriend.
Do I have that all right?
Good.
So now I can say with great sanctuary, if you are going to write a bullshit post about your wet dream, at least make it a good post.
Submitted by AnotherStupidUsername (user info) at 2005-02-07 12:13:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2005-02-07 12:12:11 (#)
Ranking: -2
Make sure you drink a shitload while taking that shit. That way you can fucking die
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I'll try that next week! Thanks!
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2005-02-07 12:12:11 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Make sure you drink a shitload while taking that shit. That way you can fucking die.
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2005-02-07 12:08:17 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Die
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2005-02-07 12:08:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
one of my fetishes is getting the shit kicked out of me
Submitted by funk_boy (user info) at 2005-02-07 12:07:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i miss my multi-ex + variety of other shite combo nights. but then, i can't really remember much about them.
Submitted by AnotherStupidUsername (user info) at 2005-02-07 12:03:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by AnotherStupidUsername (user info) at 2005-02-07 12:02:34 (#)
Ranking: -2
You fucking suck.
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Plus two to even out the asshole ^
Submitted by AnotherStupidUsername (user info) at 2005-02-07 12:02:34 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
You fucking suck.