The Vodka Scooter (1920 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -0.22 on 12 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by snarf (View user info) at 2005-02-08 10:36:13 EST
The Vodka Scooter...
How many times have you woken up in the morning after a hard night drinking and thought, 'How on earth did I get home?'
As hard as you try, you cannot piece together your return journey from the pub to your house.
The answer to this puzzle is that you used a "Vodka Scooter."
The Vodka Scooter is a mythical form of transport, owned and leased to the drunk by Bacchus, the Roman God of Wine. The Vodka Scooter works in the following fashion - The passenger reaches a certain level of drunkenness and the "slurring gland" begins to give off a pheromone. Bacchus or one of his many sub-contractors detects this >pheromone and sends down a winged Vodka Scooter.
The scooter scoops up the passenger and deposits them in their bedroom via a
Trans-Dimensional Portal. This is not cheap to run, so a large portion of the passenger's in-pocket cash is taken as payment. This answers the second questions after a night out, "How did I spend so much money?'
Unfortunately, Vodka Scooters have a poor safety record and are thought to be responsible for over 90% of all UDI (Unidentified Drinking Injuries), such as bruised legs, stubbed toes, scratched hands and a sore spot on the top of your head.
An undocumented feature of the Vodka Scooter is the destruction of time segments during the trip. The nature of Trans-Dimensional Portals dictates that time will be lost, seemingly unaccounted for. This answers a third question after a night out, "What the hell happened?"
With good intentions, Bacchus opted for the REMIT (Removal of
Embarrassing Moments In Time) add on, that automatically removes, in
descending order, those parts in time regretted most. Unfortunately one person's REMIT
is not necessarily the REMIT of another's and quite often, lost time is regained in
discussions over a period of time.
Independent studies have also shown that Beer Goggles often cause the Scooter's navigation system to malfunction thus sending passengers to the wrong bedroom with the wrong person, often with horrific consequences.
Vodka Scooters come equipped with Thump-A-Lot boots (Patent Pending). These boots are designed in such a way that no matter how quietly you tiptoe up the stairs, you are sure to wake either everyone else in the house or your downstairs neighbours. Special anti-gravity springs ensure that you bump into every wall in the house and the CTSGS (Coffee Table Seeking Guidance System) explains the bruised shins.
Don't forget the on-board heater, which allows you to comfortably get home from the pub in sub-zero temperatures, wearing just a small outfit for the ladies or for the men, no jacket.
Vodka scooters........the wonders of modern technology...have you
ever had a ride on one??!!
User Reviews
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-04-21 09:11:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2005-02-08 10:46:27 (#)
Ranking: -2
Plagiarism you fucking prick.
http://www.collegehumor.com/?textfile_id=105521
---------------------------
I just read your Dyson one - I hope that wasn't plagiarized
Submitted by r1nce (user info) at 2005-02-08 18:25:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
So very true.
Submitted by athena (user info) at 2005-02-08 13:31:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Cute and true
=
Crue...
Submitted by hungovermondays (user info) at 2005-02-08 11:33:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I fucking hated snarf in the thundercats.
Mumrah the everliving was the only guy with a pair in the whole show.
well, maybe panthro, if he wasn't always working on the thunderwagon instead of paying attention to wildly kit and kat
Submitted by daveybwoy (user info) at 2005-02-08 11:25:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hate those feckin beer googles
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2005-02-08 11:16:37 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Its a beer scooter.
Submitted by wtf_is_going_on (user info) at 2005-02-08 10:56:08 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
How would you know that it was a scooter?
You're obviously too drunk to remember.
Did you see the scooter?
I DON'T THINK SO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
Sorry, I'm just pissed off right now!
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-02-08 10:55:23 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
You plagerized -1,251,545,215,215.252478^25
and you named yourself after the ghey lil thing from thudercats meh +1
Submitted by daveybwoy (user info) at 2005-02-08 10:48:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2005-02-08 10:47:43 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Ok, it was your first post.
Reference the source when you rip someone off next time.
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2005-02-08 10:46:27 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Plagiarism you fucking prick.
http://www.collegehumor.com/?textfile_id=105521
Submitted by hungovermondays (user info) at 2005-02-08 10:40:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I prefer the missing car, in which you drink way too much, foolishly drive home anyway, and cannot find you car the next am