NEVER buy a white bathing suit. (Why do they even make them?) (3752 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.72 on 20 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by InsoManiac (View user info) at 2005-02-08 11:59:03 EST
I went on this trip with my grandparents and a few of my cousins when I was 15, up into the mountains of Washington State. We started at a place called Chelan, and took a ferry about 2 hours north on Lake Chelan, where we got off at Wenatchee for lunch. Then we went up a little further, where we got off at this dock at the bottom of a road going 12 miles up the mountain to this long abandoned mining village which has since been turned into a summer camp and lodging for hikers. Gorgeous country.
Anyway, before we left on this trip I realized that my old bathing suit was in dire need of replacement, being that I was 15, a man in my own eyes, and this green hypercolor shit wasn't going to cut it. So off to the store we went. It took me about 15 minutes before I found this white Addidas bathing suit with this bad ass Addidas logo on it in black. Seriously, it was tits.
Fast forward, back to the trip. So we're at this mining village, stuck for a week 20 miles from the nearest town, and it just so happens that me and a guy named Stan are the only guys out of about 25 kids our age. That's right, 20 miles from civilization, in some of the gorgeous country every seen by man, and surrounded by 23 girls. For a 15 year old that just lost his virginity, it doesn't get ANY better than this.
Well, the week was going great. Stan and I obviously had the market cornered as far as the women were concerned, and we were loving every minute of it. We did everything together the entire week, as it was extremely uncool to spend your entire vacation with your parents. There wasn't a whole lot to do though, and being between 14 and 17, we didn't get too much freedom. But then the day came. We were allowed to go off on our own, for the entire day, on a hike through the mountains. Turns out Stan was sick that day, and some of the girls didn't want to go, but I still got 11 of them to accompany me. That's right, this just keeps getting better. 11 girls and myself all alone in the woods. All I can think is holy shit; this is the best trip ever.
Well, we set off on our hike around 10am, still brisk in the high elevations, but warm enough for shorts and a sweatshirt. Well, by 11, that sweatshirt came off, and by 12, so did the shirt, and those of some of the girls (they were still wearing swim suits—come on perverts, we are only 15). It was getting downright hot, walking uphill carrying our backpacks with our lunches, water, and of course, our towels. The towels were for the prize at our ultimate destination: Nestled in amongst the pine trees at the top of the trail was a little lake, clear as the sky and twice as deep. It was perfect.
Did I mention I was alone with 11 girls? Damn, I rock.
Well, not so much. I'm not sure how many of you are familiar with the geographical history of the Washington Cascades. As it turns out, there were glaciers covering this entire region during the last ice age. They carved out huge valleys, and sometimes just huge holes, which then filled with water, either during the rains, or at spring runoff. These holes eventually became what are known as glacial lakes; huge potholes, sometimes upwards of 1500 feet deep, perfectly clear and blue, and COLD. Yep, that's right, year round these lakes are a pretty constant 45 degrees or so. That, my friends, is what we like to call in Wisconsin a "heat wave", but when it comes to water, that's called hypothermia.
Well, our hike ended up being about 8 miles in length, uphill, and by the end it was probably 85 degrees out. When you're 15, that might as well be a hike to the other side of the world. Needless to say, when we saw that lake at the end, there was only one thing on any of our minds. We quickly stripped off what was left of our sweat soaked clothing, and rushed into the frigid waters. (Did I mention I was with 11 girls?)
Well, we all know what happens to girls in bikinis when they get cold. I know even better what happens to me. I had forgotten, however, what happens to me when I get cold. Or rather, what happens to certain parts of me. That's right, shrivel city.
Turns out that diving into 45 degree water when you're all alone in the woods with 11 girls, and wearing a WHITE BATHING SUIT is NOT a great idea. It was a very quiet 8 miles back to the camp. All I can say is at least I had sprouted some pubes by that age.
User Reviews
Submitted by scrumdown (user info) at 2005-07-11 15:31:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yea, I bought white swim trunks after seeing Sean Connery pimpin' on Thunderball. Yea, well, A twelve year old boy is not an international super spy stud, and neithere is his lil' twig and berries. That was a long summer.
Submitted by Yams (user info) at 2005-07-11 15:09:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by canadia (user info) at 2005-04-26 14:07:55 (#)
Ranking: 2
At least you weren't wearing a speedo... even swimmers dont' wear speedos until they are at a meet...
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Not much of a swimmer, are you?
And I don't think that cold water had anything to do with your size, bitch.
Submitted by Kazzerax (user info) at 2005-07-11 14:18:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Caption contest.
Submitted by canadia (user info) at 2005-04-26 14:07:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
At least you weren't wearing a speedo... even swimmers dont' wear speedos until they are at a meet...
Submitted by bush_for_god (user info) at 2005-02-09 02:14:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
so two weeks in the woods + 23 girls SHOULD = sex fest.
but idk that's just me
my dick is 8 feet long i never have that problem
Submitted by Shagabah_Jones (user info) at 2005-02-09 01:56:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
jay has earned three medals for valor. first, he received "the purple heart with clusters and the medal of valor and honor", for using the three point takedown on a nun who refused to submit to a vaginal exam. second, the medal of cleanliness, which he believes he received for bothering some mexicans.
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2005-02-09 01:44:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
should have ended in a teen oral sex par ty.
Submitted by thaumaturge (user info) at 2005-02-08 15:24:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You should have slapped it back and forth al la "Kids". Quality assured.
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2005-02-08 15:20:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm only on the second paragraph - the rest of it could be a nauseating diatribe of racist, pornagraphic filth and I'd still give it a +2 for this phrase alone:
"Seriously, it was tits."
Ok, back for the rest.
(and there better be a nauseating diatribe of racist, pornagraphic filth awaiting me. Mark my words, sonny.)
Submitted by wtf_is_going_on (user info) at 2005-02-08 15:05:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You should order the Natural Male Enhancment so it wouldn't
be so quiet next time. You might just get some pussy later!
Submitted by wtf_is_going_on (user info) at 2005-02-08 15:04:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hahahahahahahaha!
Pretty good I must say.
Doesn't guys penis's shrink when you get in cold water?
That's gotta suck!
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2005-02-08 14:51:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
HA HA HA!
A lesson well learned, and an entertaining story for me.
Damn, you rock.
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2005-02-08 12:50:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Euducational and Embarassing. Fun for the whole family.
Submitted by ICO (user info) at 2005-02-08 12:49:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Awwww.
Submitted by okokididitbutiwasdrunk (user info) at 2005-02-08 12:39:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
what the hell man if they are comin at you , means they want somthin ,more better you look after them and care for them ,than they get on the street uh?
Submitted by MandaPanda (user info) at 2005-02-08 12:16:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Awww!
Good read!
Submitted by FATMANTPK (user info) at 2005-02-08 12:14:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
So, I don't get it...were there poo stains on your white bathing suit?
Oh! You had shrinkage! Gotcha! I always wear dark bathing suits but alas when you are wet, the shorts tend to cling to your body and could show off your "condition" as well.
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-02-08 12:12:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Grow a bigger dick, then you won't have the problem
Submitted by Hermann_the_German (user info) at 2005-02-08 12:04:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Tight black bathing suits aren't any better
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-02-08 12:03:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Heh, dumbass.
I WAS IN THE POOL!