Fun With Real E-Mail, Part 6 (6577 hits)
Category: HumorLabels: fun_with_real_e-mail
Rating: 1.9 on 77 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Tom Sorrell (View user info) at 2005-02-08 13:04:05 EST
Part 1: http://www.ubersite.com/m/57074
Part 2: http://www.ubersite.com/m/57130
Part 3: http://www.ubersite.com/m/57235
Part 4: http://www.ubersite.com/m/57964
Part 5: http://www.ubersite.com/m/58410
Ok, so I don't have as many e-mails as usual today, but I think these are worth the price of admission.
As always, these e-mails are real and unedited.
------------------------------------
------------------------------------
To: Tom Sorrell
From: LOTI (Lord of the Idiots)
Subject: hello
can you please place in my mail box letter size yellow file folders when your not busy
Thanks
--
To: LOTI
From: Tom Sorrell
Subject: re: hello
Legal size green hanging folders?
--
To: Tom Sorrell
From: LOTI
Subject: re: hello
no the cream color letter size file folders
--
To: LOTI
From: Tom Sorrell
Subject: re: hello
If you want coffee creamer you can get it yourself. The plate on my desk says Wire Operator, not Errand Boy.
--
To: Tom Sorrell
From: LOTI
Subject: re: hello
MANILLA FOLDERS!!!
--
To: LOTI
From: Tom Sorrell
Subject: re: hello
Look, I am not going to go to the store to get you vanila ice cream, ok? God! Learn how to do things for yourself...
--
To: Tom Sorrell
From: LOTI
Subject: re: hello
im emailing brian
------------------------------------
To: Tom Sorrell
From: Brian
Subject: WHY?
Why do you insist on making my job difficult?
Why can I not go one day without someone complaining about your e-mails?
Why do I enjoy it as much as I do and wish I could do it myself without having a harassment suit filed?
Anyway, as always... knock it off.
--
To: Brian
From: Tom Sorrell
Subject: re: WHY?
Yes sir.
------------------------------------
To: Tom Sorrell
From: Mary
Subject: floor mats
We got those floor mats in today, could you please hide one for when I move (LOTI) to the back, ok?
--
To: Mary
From: Tom Sorrell
Subject: re: floor mats
You're going to move her? Are you going to take her stapler while you're at it?
Also, by moving her are you implying that you're the boss? If that's the case, I'll tell Brian and he'll karate kick you back to the stone age for your insolence. Keep in mind that in addition to being stuck in the stone age, you'll be deaf when you get there because of the blood-curtling, ear-splitting "Hi-Ya!" he'll scream when he kicks you.
------------------------------------
To: Tom Sorrell
From: Brian
Subject: My God...
Would you PLEASE stop messing with Mary? You know she has no sense of humor, then I have to hear about it.
(By the way, my karate kicks are not accompanied by Hi-Ya's. When I karate kick someone, I'm silent, but deadly... like someone passing gas in a meeting. Also, if you're not careful, I'm going to karate kick YOU.)
--
To: Brian
From: Tom Sorrell
Subject: pssh
Yea right, I would totally block your karate kick with "paint the fence."
--
To: Tom Sorrell
From: Brian
Subject: No
You can't block the crane kick. If done correctly there is no defense. Don't you know that?
--
To: Brian
From: Tom Sorrell
Subject: re: No
Yea, but I would see you get into position and I would be smart enough to move. Then I would "sweep the leg and you'd be done.. unless of course you called Pat Morita and had him do that weird clap/rub hands together thing.
Speaking of the crane kick position, if Johnny was so great at Karate, why didn't he just get out of the way when Daniel went into the Crane pose and then kick him in the ribs when he landed in a heap on his broken leg? Instead, he stepped right into Daniel-San's dirty-ass size seven foot. I mean, really, what went through his mind?
"Ok, all I have to do is move, but instead I'll walk right into Daniel's foot so he can bloody my nose and win the tournament which wll result in me getting my butt kicked by my psychotic sensei in the parking lot after he smashes my second place trophy into a million pieces."
Seriously, what was that about? And what was the deal with Karate Kid 3? Why would he want to destroy Daniel when Mister Miyagi was the one who embarassed him in the parking lot? Seriously, all Daniel did was win the tournament. Also, why did Daniel forsake women and college to hang out with a crusty old Japanese man and why did Mister Miyagi constantly give things to a 15 year old boy? I mean, he gave him a CAR for God's sake! I'm convinced there is a deleted scene where Mister Miyagi receives his official NAMBLA membership card in the mail, then sits down with Daniel-San to explain the love that dare not speak its name.
--
To: Tom Sorrell
From: Brian
Subject: re: No
WOW.
I don't even know how to respond to that diatribe so get to work you sick freak.
Thanks for ruining Karate Kid for me.
User Reviews
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-02-27 22:12:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-04-04 23:17:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by standardeviant (user info) at 2005-02-17 11:04:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You are my god "Tommy-San"
Submitted by bossk (user info) at 2005-02-17 10:50:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Williams_2004 (user info) at 2005-02-17 10:31:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Why cant my office be as good as this. +2 for all of the email posts.
Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2005-02-15 16:23:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hilarious.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-02-15 11:04:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Jungle_Jimanee (user info) at 2005-02-15 10:45:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Brilliant!
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-02-15 09:45:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Actually Spoonie, I was thinking about making a dedication post to you, because you're so undervalued around here.
But in order for me to do that, you need to write more.
Submitted by Spooner (user info) at 2005-02-14 23:52:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
In the very near future, all your psots will be either Blink psots or e-mail posts.
Submitted by bush_for_god (user info) at 2005-02-14 18:59:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by DamienX (user info) at 2005-02-14 14:56:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by The_Sorrow (user info) at 2005-02-14 13:20:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
From now on I shall implement phrases from karate kid into every day conversation.
Wax on, wax off, bitch
Brilliant!!!
Submitted by Mr-Boo (user info) at 2005-02-09 15:20:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You sir, are one funny Mother Fucker!
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-02-09 13:40:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Thank you so much for your "generosity."
Submitted by lordhamlett (user info) at 2005-02-09 13:19:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It's really only worth a +1, but since i'm bored off my ass at school, you get +2.
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-02-09 11:00:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Damn it, I fucked that up.
It's: "I'll be the hero, you're dreamin' of."
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-02-09 10:58:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Let's not forget "Moment of Truth," by Survivor, was another song featured in KK. Now, in Karate Kid 2, "Glory of Love," by Chicago, was the featured song.
I am a man... who will fight... for your honor.
I'll be the hero... you're waiting for.
We'll live forever!
Knowing together... that we... did it all.. for the glor... ee of love.
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-02-09 10:54:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-02-09 10:32:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No no no... it's:
You're the best... AROUND!!!
AND NO ONE'S GONNA EVER KEEP YOU DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW... OW-OW... OW-OWWWWWWWN!!!
Trying your best, but you're only a man, and a man's got to learn to take it...
(Ugh...)
But seriously, other than the Rocky movies, that's the best "everything's coming together" movie montage in history. Especially when he beats Dutch. Dutch was a bad ass. (The guy with the white hair.) If I had lived in California in the 80's, I totally would have been a Cobra Kai. NO MERCY!!
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2005-02-09 09:17:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm the best,
around
Nobody's ever ever going,
Keep me down
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-02-08 21:46:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Enough to have it memorized line for line.
Lojope: no.
Submitted by the_lone_stranger (user info) at 2005-02-08 21:23:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
HOW MANY HOLY FUCKING SHIT GODDAMN TIMES HAVE YOU SEEN THE KARATE KID?!
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2005-02-08 21:14:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I know. I'm joking.
Although if you did, I really would send you a cookie. But mostly because it was a stupid comment, and stupid comments that are quasi-taken seriously are always amusing to follow through with. I'm not making sense. That's ok. Carry on.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2005-02-08 21:13:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by lojope (user info) at 2005-02-08 21:06:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeah... I have this tendancy to block out unwanted information...
Will she let me borrow you for a weekend? :oP
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-02-08 20:44:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
"You're MARRIED?!?!"
Um, yea. I've only mentioned "the wife" in numerous posts...
I even wrote a post for her:
http://www.ubersite.com/m/40913
5 and a half years.
Submitted by lojope (user info) at 2005-02-08 20:13:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by UrbaneMischief (user info) at 2005-02-08 18:25:54 (#)
Ranking: 2
I both envy and pity your wife.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
You're MARRIED?!?! NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! My hopes are crushed and my heart broken....
Submitted by Otters (user info) at 2005-02-08 20:09:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
And I see our coworkers share the shittiest grammar and sentence structure ever. Except mine make thirty dollars an hour more than I do. Hopefully you're at least equal with some of yours.
Submitted by Otters (user info) at 2005-02-08 20:03:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Arrg! Where do you work? Can I work there too? I wish my boss had such a good sense of humor and I wish I wouldn't get fired for messing with all the stupid people in my office via e-mail.
Submitted by UrbaneMischief (user info) at 2005-02-08 18:25:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I both envy and pity your wife.
you rock
Submitted by Shagabah_Jones (user info) at 2005-02-08 18:08:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome
Submitted by horse87 (user info) at 2005-02-08 18:06:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hilarious...!
Where the hell do you work that you can get away with these shenanigans?
...and for heaven's sake, get Brian to start posting on here.
I get a feeling he'd be right at home on Ubersite....
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2005-02-08 17:55:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by IcyBlackHand (user info) at 2005-02-08 17:48:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by JohnGalt (user info) at 2005-02-08 17:10:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I love you for this series.
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2005-02-08 17:01:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Seriously... what the hell goes through your brain?
Submitted by Lyric (user info) at 2005-02-08 16:48:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I bow down to the awesomeness of these. Seriously. These make me laugh.
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-02-08 16:22:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
We'll see.
(My mom used to say that when she didn't want to say no...)
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2005-02-08 16:05:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'll airmail you a cookie if you use that Superglue line that I suggested on that last post. No, I really will. Homemade. And not by me, so it'll even be edible. Please?
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-02-08 15:54:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-02-08 15:49:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Yea yea, tell your friends and link-whore this series on random internet message boards.
Submitted by Val (user info) at 2005-02-08 15:37:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Brian rules.
...and by the way, if you ever DARE to end this series, I will track you down, and I will get you.
Submitted by lush (user info) at 2005-02-08 15:35:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm hot for Brian.
Submitted by EAZEDZT (user info) at 2005-02-08 15:26:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
J.F.C. I never smile at work. Never.
Until I read these damn E-mails. Good stuff.
Submitted by thaumaturge (user info) at 2005-02-08 15:18:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I love email. I love computers. I love lamp.
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2005-02-08 15:06:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Let's be honest here - it's ALL about Brian.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2005-02-08 15:04:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Plus frickin' two for the Karate Kid movie poster image alone!
Submitted by lojope (user info) at 2005-02-08 15:01:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I want to do horrible lovely dirty things to you and your boss together. Go get him and come to the back room as soon as possible. The gnomes and I will be waiting.
Submitted by dethcow (user info) at 2005-02-08 14:59:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-02-08 14:13:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Wax on.
Wax off.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-02-08 14:02:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Heee heee...
Submitted by Degreeless_Capibara (user info) at 2005-02-08 13:56:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Haha
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2005-02-08 13:45:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by xenon (user info) at 2005-02-08 13:45:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
these deserve no less
Submitted by espo (user info) at 2005-02-08 13:41:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
ATTN GHEY MENZ!!!
what? oh...sorry...
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2005-02-08 13:37:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
these are a growing obsession of mine
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-02-08 13:37:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
SUx0R!!1010
Submitted by HZRD (user info) at 2005-02-08 13:35:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Yea right, I would totally block your karate kick with "paint the fence." "
you are undoubtably the man. nice hate site too.
Submitted by CJRipley (user info) at 2005-02-08 13:34:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You've got to send out more mail.
Submitted by Rawrg (user info) at 2005-02-08 13:31:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey... Buckeyes beat Miami in the National Championship. Therefore, Buckeyes are teh r0xx0rz!
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-02-08 13:28:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You're lucky these are entertaining, because the Buckeyes are the SUXOR!
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2005-02-08 13:25:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I think I'm in love with your boss.
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-02-08 13:25:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by bossk (user info) at 2005-02-08 13:24:43 (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm almost bored with giving you +2s at this point. You should share at least +1 with Brian, though. He's a great straight man.
---------------
Fine, no more E-mail series for you! NEXT!!
Submitted by bossk (user info) at 2005-02-08 13:24:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm almost bored with giving you +2s at this point. You should share at least +1 with Brian, though. He's a great straight man.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-02-08 13:22:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I'd key your car in the parking lot - that's stop you and your shenanigans!
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-02-08 13:19:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Also, for those who do not know:
NAMBLA = North American Man/Boy Love Association
sick bastards...
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-02-08 13:17:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Yea, we're not hiring. Sorry.
By the way, even though Karate Kid is more homo-erotic than Top Gun, is still a great movie.
Submitted by Rawrg (user info) at 2005-02-08 13:17:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Brian has to be the best boss on planet Earth...
Submitted by runninginplace (user info) at 2005-02-08 13:16:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2005-02-08 13:13:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I want to work for Brian. Are you hiring?
Submitted by ess-arr (user info) at 2005-02-08 13:12:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Thanks for ruining Karate Kid for me.
----
I'm with Brian...
Submitted by L-Gizzle (user info) at 2005-02-08 13:11:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
please don't ever stop these
Submitted by Donitsu2002 (user info) at 2005-02-08 13:09:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
brian is the shizy
Submitted by DJMattB241 (user info) at 2005-02-08 13:09:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
heheheheehe
thanks for making my day.... again.
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2005-02-08 13:08:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Brian should sign up here.
Submitted by Disektor (user info) at 2005-02-08 13:08:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Your knowledge of the Karate Kid series is disturbing. Arousing.. yes, but mostly disturbing.