Apparently I'm a Baby-Killing, Democrat Ballsucker, Among Other Things (1298 hits)
Category: Humor -> Dumb JobsRating: 2 on 23 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Lechuga (View user info) at 2005-02-08 16:30:22 EST
As any of you who read my previous post (http://www.ubersite.com/m/58350) know, I was recently fired from my volunteer job at my University Annual Fund, for reasons described in the post above. I went back and plead my case to the Assistant Director, (we're good friends) who agreed to let me back on only as a paid employee. That means my potential credits were out the window.
So now as a paid employee, I'm watched more, have more responsibilities, and have to meet quotas, or be fired. So I actually had to try, but I was getting paid, so no big deal, right? So upon being sat in my usual corner, alone, I was bored. I was on the list that called graduates who have moved to southern states. Different majors, different amounts of money given, etc.
So I called this guy from Mecon, Georgia, by the name of Jason Stewart, who graduated from the Stockbridge School of Agriculture with a Bachelor of Science in Forestry. He works in the harsh, urban jungle of Atlanta, at an accounting firm. Apparently, he's not using his degree.
My computer dials the numbers automatically, and before I could read the name or anything, a belligerent southern man picked up the phone with a violent hello. Just for the hell of it, I had my digital recorder still in my bag, so I plugged it in, hoping to record a funny conversation. I was in luck! This guy was anger waiting to happen, and with each passing word he seemed to get more and more angry. I could almost feel it coming through the phone.
I went through the normal rapport described in my previous post, with the guy "uh huh"ing all over the place, like an impatient monkey waiting for his peanuts. Since my recorder was on, I caught every word that he said to me.
Justin: ...With your gift of $250, which is completely tax deductible and will go to Stockbridge's school of Forestry, who needs the money to keep scholarships available and crucial but unpaid fieldwork will be free to students who would otherwise have to pay fees for it. Now, would you be willing to do that for us today sir?
JS: Well, I'm not using my degree for anything right now; I'm working as an accountant, so I really don't have any reason to donate to UMass. Let me tell you something, Uh, Pete, is it?
Justin: Uh, no, it's Justin.
JS: Justin, I currently make about $35,000 a year, and let me tell you, I'm just scratching by. I am, in no way, going to donate to UMass, because I hated that school for the 3 years I was there. All y'all are a bunch of pussy assed liberal bastards.
Justin: Sir, if you didn't like the school, then why did you give $250 last year?
JS: I gave that amount of money because I thought that y'alld stop asking for handouts. I was gonna buy a new air conditioner with that money, but y'all prob'ly used it fer gettin them nigger quotas filled.
Justin: Sir, don't use that word, it's quite inappropriate, UMass doesn't condone or use that term.
JS: That's the problem with you democrat bastards. Too afraid of offending people. Well I say fuck 'em. Even if I did give you money, it'd just go to gettin them spic and nigger quotas filled.
Justin: Care to explain to me your reasoning on this, sir?
JS: If I donate money, some poor spic who did shitty in school will get a free ride from my hard-earned money. If it were my son I'd gladly donate any amount of money, but I know it's going to just another handout.
Justin: Ok, I'm done being professional now, you racist asshole, either donate me some money or I'm hanging up on you.
JS: I ain't donatin' shit. I'll never donate to that shit-hole of a Universitah. All y'all are a bunch of baby-killin, Stem cell-usin, Bush-hatin', Pedophile Preist-supportin, Kerry-lovin Democrat ballsuckers. I bet yer right there with em, you catholic bastard. See if I care about your shitty school.
Justin: Well, if you got one thing correct, I do like my little boys, and I like em young. Do you have any sons, Mr. Stewart?
JS: *Click*
Just for the hell of it, I sent him a pledge card with an amount of $250, because, well, he might just change his mind and donate to a Democrat Ballsucking school like mine.
User Reviews
Submitted by aerodynamically.curvaceous (user info) at 2005-10-17 18:44:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Comment.
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2005-04-29 07:48:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I work in a call centre. I feel your pain; if I hear the words "lo- and behold" and "infinite wisdom" one more time I'm gonna go postal.
Submitted by Jungle_Jimanee (user info) at 2005-02-09 06:05:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2005-02-09 05:52:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by madnessdance (user info) at 2005-02-08 23:07:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
<This guy was anger waiting to happen, and with each passing word he seemed to get more and more angry. I could almost feel it coming through the phone.>.......haha priceless
aww georgia, you're just a banjo twang away from banging your cousin......
Submitted by Ainkara (user info) at 2005-02-08 22:54:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Envenom (user info) at 2005-02-08 21:23:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Shades of Richard Jeni
Submitted by Jarvis (user info) at 2005-02-08 20:39:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I think you meant to say he's from Macon.
This would have been a +2 but I go to school in Columbus, GA and this post reminds me of all the dumbasses in this part of the country.
Submitted by Lechuga (user info) at 2005-02-08 20:28:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Donkey, Don't worry, we can still be friends, but you just have to give me Uberboard rights for the rest of my unnatural life.
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2005-02-08 18:40:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
w00t!
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2005-02-08 18:28:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
OMFG! UR LEIK A DEM!? WE KAN'T B FRIENDS LOLLERFUCKBIPARTISANSHIP!
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2005-02-08 18:11:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Serves him right for majoring in farming. Or sheeping. Or what ever the hell forestry majors major in.
Submitted by dethcow (user info) at 2005-02-08 17:56:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by 1Point21Gigawatts (user info) at 2005-02-08 17:28:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I couldn't get off the phone last week with this chick from Tufts asking me to donate, so eventually I told her to send me a pledge card for $1000 which I will promptly throw out when it gets to me.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2005-02-08 17:22:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
there has got to be a few mailing lists this guy needs to be on
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-02-08 17:16:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by bossk (user info) at 2005-02-08 16:57:37 (#)
Ranking: 2
I love ranting morons. After the fact, when I can laugh at them.
===
Yup!
Submitted by bossk (user info) at 2005-02-08 16:57:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I love ranting morons. After the fact, when I can laugh at them.
Submitted by EbolaMay (user info) at 2005-02-08 16:49:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Guess you get your balls from sucking on them, eh?
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-02-08 16:41:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Lyric (user info) at 2005-02-08 16:40:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Jimmy (user info) at 2005-02-08 16:40:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Respect my AUTHORITAH
Submitted by L-Gizzle (user info) at 2005-02-08 16:33:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-02-08 16:33:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Lousy democrats.