Escape from Horror pt 2 (463 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1 on 4 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by will72 (View user info) at 2005-02-10 19:42:21 EST
part one: http://www.ubersite.com/m/59183
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Even though the room was pitch black Jim could sense Them as the approached. It occurred to him that they actually floated, as he did not hear the creaking of the floorboard. In the half a second he had before They descended on him he grabbed Amy and ran towards where he thought the door was.
*CRASH*
He hit the wall, though he thought the door was somewhere around here. The shock leaving and panic setting in, he groped blindly for the door. Vases and pictures- most likely originals- tumbled down to the stained Oriental carpet as Jim's hands flung about looking for the knob. He found it! A tiny shred of relief came about him and then......silence......where was the whisking sound of Them- whatever the fuck Them was- whisking about the floor? And shouldn't he be dead by now?
"Jim...." Amy giggled, obviously delusional, "They won't wait around forever...run"
Jim's footsteps echoed around the mansion as he flung himself out of the Parlor and into the hallway. He heard Them following. As he ran he thought, "They- again whoever They are- are cunning. I mean to actually wait for me to get a head start....They aren't looking for a meal, They want to have fun"
He ran up the steps and into a bedroom to the left of the stairs. Quickly he slammed the door shut and immediately heard rasping against it; the rasping of claws. He turned of the light to better see the room and amazingly the rasping stopped. He turned the light off and it started again. It seemed that They did not like the light that was coming out from the cracks between the door and the wall. They were photophobic!
"Amy, sit on this chair; I have a plan," Jim said slowly, enunciating the words as he devised a plan.
"Haha okay Jim. But be quick or else the boat will leave without us!"
"Uh...right, just sit down.
Jim then went to the bedside table and took the lamp in his hand. He took off the lamp shade and threw it across the floor. Then he walked towards the door, lamp in hand, until the power cord held taut, just shy of the doorjamb.
"Perfect...," Jim said with some nervousness. "Amy, turn off the light and then turn it on at my command.
"Okay sure honey," Amy said still delusional.
Jim thought, "If I can just hold out until morning They will leave and hide because of the Sun." He checked his watch, 9:02. "Okay, can I hold out with a delusional girlfriend for a whole night...?"
Then aloud he said, "Turn the light off."
It went off, and with a thrust he threw the door open and yelled, "TURN IT ON" while pointing the lamp like a sword. An intense burst of light erupted from it and he could hear the high pitched screams of a dozen startled Them. He aimed the lamp down so he could see the hallway. It was deserted, but when he took the light partially away by aiming it downward a They poked its head from behind the banister, instantly Jim pointed the lamp at it and "hit" it directly in its "face". It was dead by all accounts because it was still lying there when he took the light away. Cautiously, he walked put into the hallway and dragged the They into the room and shut and bolted the door. In the light of the room he could see it clearly. It looked like a cross between a corpse a week old and an ugly baby, shrouded with a long black cloak, shredded at the bottom. Its face was gaunt, its eyes dull and listless. He held it up to the light and the surface of its body exposed started to wither away.
"So light kills them...I need to find a supply closet if I want to fight them, or we could just stay here for the rest of the night. I mean with the lamp They won't come near us so we just wait until morning and then leave. Then he noticed something strange. When he put the They's skin to the light, it didn't wither as fast as before. He tried it again and again until the skin didn't wither at all. "Oh no," he thought, "They become immune after a while. They are definitely smart enough to wait near the door until They are completely immune then break the door. SHIT!" He quickly walked to the chest of drawers and asked, "Does that old bitch have any flashlights or matches or large sharp objects?"
"Um....yeah....in the second drawer," Amy replied dazedly.
Jim rooted around until he found two items of interest. One was a flashlight with batteries; a commando flashlight. And the other was a large Marine knife.
"Whoa, what's with this...," Jim looked in awe at the items and other various military paraphernalia.
"Her husband....was a SEAL," Amy said through giggles. She was completely out of it since the They had scared her in the Parlor. It was understandable thought. They had made her sit and watch as they darted around the corners of the room, sometimes in shadow sometimes not. Jim continued looking through the drawer until he had a thought. He made his way to a closet and opened it. "Maybe," he thought, "that old broad's husband kept some other....stuff." And sure enough there was a rifle with attached flashlight and bayonet in the closet, hidden from view by stacks of clothes.
Jim took out the rife and placed it the flashlight and knife on the bed. He took the rifle for himself, it was fully equipped with an industrial flashlight and a bayonet to fight Them, and gave the other two objects, knife and flashlight, to Amy.
"Let's go kick some ass," Jim exclaimed confidently.
User Reviews
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-02-11 11:45:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I'm feeling talkative, so let me say this:
You can make anything believable, no matter how implausible. Your "them" creatures aren't any more unbelievable than zombies or vampires or eskimos. You just have to get a good image across of how terrifying they are, and maybe with a vague explanation of what they do or where they come from. Often that-which-we-cannot-explain is more frightening than that-which-we-can, but personally I think there has to be SOMETHING there; at least enough for the reader to make their own speculations. (Not to be a linkwhore or anything, but I just wrote a story with a monster in it that I think ended up being somewhat scary, and I hardly explained anything about where it came from...mostly because I was too lazy to think of something.) Give the reader a reason to be afraid of them. They can only traipse around in the shadows for so long until they become non-threatening and boring. They need to be dangerous. Also, the more human (and less cliched) you can make your protagonists, the better.
Good luck. And thanks Kre8rix.
Submitted by will72 (user info) at 2005-02-10 22:30:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
yeah you both are right. that room was pretty conveinent and i'll work on making the dialogue/storyline more believeable and less movie-like (though i don't know how believeable weird zombie things can be)
Submitted by Kre8rix (user info) at 2005-02-10 22:10:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-02-10 21:36:50 (#)
Ranking: 1
A for effort. But I found the writing a little too straightforward-action-movie-plot. The dialogue was a little unrealistic and there were spelling and grammar errors. Also, I didn't like the way you referred to "Them" as, well..."Them." It made for some annoying, though intentional, grammar problems.
And isn't it lucky he found all that stuff in that one room.
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There was a weird flow to it.
It reminded me of a choose-tour-own-adventure story, but without any options.
Definite potential here though.
And listen to thecaes, he's great at giving helpful critisism.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-02-10 21:36:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
A for effort. But I found the writing a little too straightforward-action-movie-plot. The dialogue was a little unrealistic and there were spelling and grammar errors. Also, I didn't like the way you referred to "Them" as, well..."Them." It made for some annoying, though intentional, grammar problems.
And isn't it lucky he found all that stuff in that one room.