UberMurder! The murderer has been caught! Uber safe once again! (649 hits)
Category: NewsRating: 2 on 17 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Timmah http://www.these-bloody-hands.tk (View user info) at 2005-02-10 20:22:27 EST
A small crowd is gathering outside the town hall. Domenad sits in his room quietly reading through the ubermurder reports and executions.
"They have no idea " He laughs to himself triumphantly. As he takes a small sip of the genericola sat next to him he hears a loud bang at his door. His head spins towards the noise and he gingerly calls out. "Hello?"
As he makes his way over to the door to see who was knocking, the cheap chipboard door comes crashing down and hits him clean in the face knocking him out cold.
When he awakes he is staring straight up. He tries to move his head but finds that it's being held firmly in place. He looks down the length of his tubby body to see several straps and buckles, all keeping him in place. He made a mental note to wear clothes next time he perused Uber.
"Domenad, you have been found by the people of Uber to be guilty of three counts of murder and responsible for an innocent persons death." The voice came from behind him. He tried to look up but his head was not moving any way. A smiling face entered his peripheral vision and made itself apparent by his ear. "Do you have anything to say for yourself?" It whispered
"This is bullshit!" He screamed as loud as his strained solar plexus would allow. He heard hissing coming from the invisible crowd gathered around him.
"For such a brutal and thoughtless act of violence towards humanity you have been sentenced to death." The face came into full view. It was Timmah, Ubermurder's resident coroner and overseer. "When you work in the field as long as I have" he kept the fact he was really a seventeen year old stoner to himself "you come to see some hideous things, but the way you have treated human beings with such emotionless cold blood proves you to be the most hideous of them all".
There was nothing Domenad could say. The death warrant had been signed by Bart himself and he didn't have to see it to know that.
Domenad felt himself being lifted. The table he was on was being stoop upright. Eventually he stood straight and in full view of the audience that was now jeering, spitting and in the case of some, masturbating furiously.
"you shall be executed by way of the death of one thousand cuts!" The manic glee spread on the crowds face could've been seen a by a blind man. It wasn't often they got to see a new execution in such a gruesome light.
Domenad was released from the table, his body still bound by extra straps. The straps were removed and a long stretch of chicken wire about the same height as himself and twice his girth was wrapped around his frame.
JMG114 came from behind the makeshift stage they were on, brandishing a cut throat razor. As the razor wire was tightened pieces of domenad's naked flesh poked through each hole. Domenad screamed as JMG114 ran the razor down the length of the chicken wire, removing hundreds of squares of flesh.
Domenad bled to death before JMG114 could finish the final cut. Timmah was brought back in to check domenad's pulse. He strolled over to Domenad casually and checked his neck and wrists. As he turned back to the crowd one onlooker by the name of Snark shouted out to Timmah.
"What's the verdict doc!?"
Timmah nodded sagely and an enormous cheer erupted from the crowd. The ubermurder had been caught and Uber was once again safe.
Overseers report.
Well Uber, it's over. The heinous crimes of domenad's did not go unpunished and justice has been served. But at what cost? The loss of five intelligent (sic) and individual people is what it took to capture this fiend.
At least we can all now rest safe in the knowledge that Uber is once again a safe place.
For now.
Thanks to everyone who took part in this little mini series. I've been wanting to try something like this for a long time and although interest certainly wavered after the start. The determined kept the game alive. So special thanks to:
FunnyAsCancer and his team of crack detectives. Without your sterling work the ubermurder would never have been brought to justice.
Domenad who we must pay our respects to. He may have been a cold blooded killer but he will always have a place in the warmth of our hearts.
Degreeless_Capibara whom domenad's would've been useless without. Covered her boss's back all the way through.
And any other Uber users who voted, commented and did detective work of their own.
Special mention to Darko who may be one of the best independent private investigators of all of uber.
Tim
If anyone is interested in talking to Bart about getting this game started on a much bigger level, I have many ideas to discuss. Including many new parts, more in depth plot lines etc. Unfortunately it wouldn't be possible to do without the help of Bart el Grande.
If we can't convince Bart to help out with this game I will start another one eventually.
Cheers again!
http://www.ubersite.com/m/53534 - Murder of Munkeypants and coroners report #1
http://www.ubersite.com/m/53693 - First Police report.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/54454 - Murder of Loki and execution of GLALL coroners report #2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/55197 - Police Report #2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/58470 - Execution of Degreeless
http://www.ubersite.com/m/58954 - Murder of ETS and Coroners report #3
http://www.ubersite.com/m/58968 - Police report #3
User Reviews
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-02-11 01:06:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
psh..
if domenad didn't die he was about to find out that I just
gave him an early christmas present... anal warts.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-02-10 23:54:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
munkey you just want to be anally violated again.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-02-10 23:45:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
how about a thanks to me? if it weren't for my anal invasion and my
immediate death this would not have taken place.
let's do this again. can i be the first victim again?
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-02-10 23:39:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
you should show us the clues you had put in the different posts now that it's over.
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2005-02-10 23:26:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I died in this series, I was accused of serious crimes, why should i not be offended? I mean, where is the fucking justice? I didn't kill anyone godammit! I WAS FRAMED AND YOU ASSHOLES JUST GO OH WELL, FUCK GLALL, HE'S DEAD AND WE PISSED ON HIS CORPSE LIKE ALL NIGHT. FUCK IT. I'M GOING INSIDE.
Nice!
Submitted by FunnyAsCancer (user info) at 2005-02-10 21:54:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Damn do I kick ass.
Detectives, beer's on me! PAR-TAY!
Submitted by Kazzerax (user info) at 2005-02-10 21:44:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
PICK ME PICK ME WOOOOOO DOMENAD
Submitted by Timmah (user info) at 2005-02-10 21:37:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Well I agree that thepace is slow which is why instead of the responsibility of all the ubermurder posts laying on my shoulders I want to give each seperate part a role to play and then they can post the ubermurder parts that relate to their part in the game.
Taking away the cheif of police may be a good idea like you said. but I think that most uber users would require a little nudge in the right direction. Maybe next time there will just be one detective who will put forward the evidence rather than using the evidence and putting forward their opinions.
Also I want a smaller part to play. I want this game to eventually be able to run itself. So all that I have to do is the overseers reports. This is why I'd like to get Bart involved. If we could have an ubermurder section like we did an ubermadness section, then everything would be much easier to file etc.
Also if the parts were more independant this would let off some of the pressure on me to post on time. Especially if the UberMurder posts were to come once a day.
this is all stuff for me to think about before the next one.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-02-10 21:29:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
THis was a good idea. Could be more interesting with faster pace though. That's it's downfall, the pace. You'd have to do everything that was done here like in the span of a week to really get people's attention and hold it.
It's all about the marketing. You have to create a need for it. Let people in on what's going on. (Now that everyone's pretty much in the know, it would be easier.) Posts need to only last about a day, then quickly move on. The police reports were a bit redundant. The thrill for the audience is to play detective themselves... That's the point. The police reports often gave information that savvy uber users should either remember or know how to search for themselves. It's basically a game of search engines and sorting through the reviews on posts to see who hates who.
This series has potential, but needs some work and some tweaking to do as well as it could. You did a great job of keeping it alive when interest wavered, and that's commendable, but you need to learn now why interest wavered, find your mistakes, and dont make them next time.
Submitted by Degreeless_Capibara (user info) at 2005-02-10 21:00:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm up for anything. This kicked all ass.
Submitted by Timmah (user info) at 2005-02-10 20:59:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
If you want to help with the next Ubermurder just say so on here (a +2 always sweetens the deal) and I'll get to brainstorming.
Submitted by domenad (user info) at 2005-02-10 20:55:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
With my dying breath, I curse you all! You vile, vile uberscum! My reign of terror shall continue from beyond!
Submitted by Timmah (user info) at 2005-02-10 20:46:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Very true. Round of applause for Degreeless.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-02-10 20:43:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
But that's realistic of an accomplice when you think about it, degreeless was quite realistic
Submitted by Timmah (user info) at 2005-02-10 20:40:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
He kinda has a point
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-02-10 20:38:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Degreeless you were the best accomplice ever, doing a great job until you were caught and then turning over the killer before you died.
Submitted by Degreeless_Capibara (user info) at 2005-02-10 20:30:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm the best accomplice evar!!!