Goodbye Old Friend (981 hits)
Category: PoliticsRating: 1.9 on 36 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by AshK <alkite at gmail.com> (View user info) at 2005-02-11 15:35:23 EST
Sometimes, I just don't know what to say or how to say it. That would shock my friends and family, because I am one verbose chick, but facts are facts. I don't handle some things well, yesterday was a glaring example of my complete inability to speak my mind.
I don't do well with funerals. I dislike them. Every last second of them. The reasons are numerous and they really aren't the point, just take it on faith that I could be no more uneasy than at a funeral. Unless it is visitation.
Visitation. It sounds so innocent. What kind of trauma could occur? What could possibly be disturbing about walking by a casket that is occupied by a previously living person, and saying hello? "They" tell me it is for the family. I have never found solace in this particular tradition, but a tradition it is. A duty, if you will. A duty that had to be performed last night.
A friend of my dad's had lost his son. Mike had drawn his last breath on foreign soil, patrolling a previously quiet area somewhere in a vast desert that I will likely never see. Mike's dad was a Marine and so was mine. Our dad's enlisted together and both came home. Mike's dad was my hero when I was nine. Full of stories from a green jungle that I will likely never see. I was twelve before I even knew Dad served in Vietnam. He never talked about the war. Not once. I had heard a hundred stories about basic training and KP duty, but never a peep about gunfire or death. Those stories were left to Jake and as kids, Mike and I ate them up. Never connecting them to reality. Never picturing his grand tales as something other than tall tales from a living storybook. We were kids, or fools, or both. I don't know.
I remember the first time he talked about it. About his first tour. I was twelve, and full of questions about a war that we, as Americans, protested and marched against. I couldn't understand why he had participated in something that so many were so against. I wasn't all that politically minded. I'm still not, but the words Dad spoke and the expression on his face were enough to make the single biggest impact anything has ever had on me. He told me that the Marines was something he had made a commitment to and part of that commitment was to defend our freedom's and the freedom of others. He told me about coming home from a war torn land, not as a hero or simply a soldier, but as the enemy. He was spit on, his car vandalized, his parent's business suffered the loss of three front windows to the bricks of protesters. His perpetually smiling face held tears and pain for the first time in my life. That was the closest I came to his wartime experience.
Yesterday, I stood at Mike's side and looked at his dress uniform. The buttons shone in the soft glow of the sanctuary and I thought about the folded flag next to Dad's picture and the haunting silence that followed the rifle shots just a few short years ago. I hugged Jake, held hands with Mike's mom and headed for the side door. The muted silence and perfumed air was becoming heavier by the second and I needed the cold night air to stop the memories. Mike's fiancé', Anna, was outside smoking, with a couple of friends from school. Jake stepped out for a breath a few minutes after the door closed behind me. Someone told Jake how sorry they were again and Jake nodded. The ensuing silence seemed natural, respectful, until Anna said something I will never forget.
"We shouldn't be fighting in a stupid war, those bastards in that hellhole don't want us there and we should have just left well enough alone. Mike died for NOTHING!"
For the second time in my life, I saw the laughing face of a childhood hero fill will pain and tears.
A million words flooded my mind. Mostly that respect for our soldiers had fuckall to do with the politics of the situation and other "stunning" observations of a bystander. In the end, I just held Jake's hand as he remained silent. Every inch a proud Marine. Every inch a proud Father.
I look back on it today and I still don't know what I could have said. I wanted to scream at her, but how do you scream a woman who lost her future husband? How do you not scream at someone who hurt a father who just lost his only son?
Maybe I'm a hypocrite, maybe I'm not. All I know is the world is less one Hell of a man, and no matter how twisted I think things are in Iraq, that man didn't die for nothing and I am proud that I got to count him as a friend.
User Reviews
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-03-09 14:20:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment.
Except that your friends father was a better man than me. I wouldn't have been able to hold my tongue.
Submitted by Blackhailfire (user info) at 2005-07-15 19:46:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I've been to that far off desert. I know the price. Semper Fi.
Submitted by Ed_0150 (user info) at 2005-02-22 20:55:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Beautiful
Submitted by kimmy02721 (user info) at 2005-02-17 11:52:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
dude.
nobody likes funerals.
this was very well written and made me cry a little.
Submitted by drfeggphd (user info) at 2005-02-14 20:47:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-02-14 20:30:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Triplexus (user info) at 2005-02-12 01:43:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Freight_Train (user info) at 2005-02-11 21:26:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
fucking liberals
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2005-02-11 21:18:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Thank you all for your condolences. I truly appreciate it. Mike and I were best buds as kids and pretty good friends as adults. My heart aches for his family and for Anna. As terrible of a time as she picked to say what she said, I can't fault her for feeling whatever it is that she may feel. I have no way to even begin to empathize. I have my husband, safe at home, and she will raise a daughter who will never know her daddy. Em is three. Mike loved the Marines. I can't express how proud he was to wear the uniform his father wore (not literally) and fight for our country. He is the type of guy who would miss us all like Hell, but rather go the way he did than to have a heart attack one day at 60 while taking a shit. I'll miss him, so much, but part of me smiles to know that he was truly doing what he felt he was born to do. He intended to make a career of it.
I'll stop camping. I appreciate the words, everyone.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-02-11 21:03:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuck, Ash.. I'm so sorry.
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2005-02-11 20:30:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
.....
Submitted by MandaPanda (user info) at 2005-02-11 19:56:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-02-11 19:48:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Holy shit.
So sorry for your loss.
Submitted by Stin (user info) at 2005-02-11 19:40:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
My views on the war are irrelevant to this beautiful post.
Submitted by Zoidberg (user info) at 2005-02-11 18:45:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I largely agree with what she said, though not where she said it.
This war is shit. We never had humanitarian goals and the people who believe that forcefed garbage just amaze me.
While I do think the Iraqi people are better off with us over there, there is a long list of other countries that needed our intervention more, either for humanitarian or WMD reasons.
Hopefully in the end everything will turn out alright and Iraq will be a good place to be.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2005-02-11 17:58:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
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BAGHDAD, Iraq Feb 11, 2005 — A vegetable truck rigged with explosives blew up Friday outside a Shiite mosque northeast of Baghdad, and gunmen sprayed automatic fire into a bakery in a Shiite district of the capital in sectarian violence that killed at least 23 people.
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As time goes by we will hear from more and more Iraqis who are grateful for his service. Until then, you have to weather the words of those who believe every step we take is the wrong one, and that events like the ones above are our fault.
Sorry for your loss. Glad you knew someone like him.
Submitted by nrduncan (user info) at 2005-02-11 17:51:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Adjomak (user info) at 2005-02-11 17:12:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Dying for your country, while it seems a hollow compensation, is a noble and honorable end. I realize that the term freedom has become tarnished and overused thanks to politics, but keeping people safe, even people who do not exactly salute you for what you do, is something that shoule be respected and admired. I mourn the loss of your friend, and my prayers go to all those who stand in harm's way.
Submitted by 1Point21Gigawatts (user info) at 2005-02-11 17:05:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I have a friend who died in Iraq, and he said the same thing to me before he went there. He didn't want to fight George's war, and now I never get to see my friend again. My other friend Matt's brother is now being shipped to Iraq. Everyone in his family hates George and his war as well, Matt and I got drunk and high a few weekends ago talking for hours on end how stupid this war is and how we shouldn't be fighting it.
There's opposing views and I completely agree with what that woman said at the funeral. At Eric's service here, it was common practice to talk about how he didn't want to be there, and how he didn't want to fight in this war. Maybe it's because we live in NY and we're smarter than all the stupid Republicans who think this war is a good idea... Either way, a death is a death, no body wins except for the people who hold stock in Exxon. But you don't see their kids out in the fields, do you?
Submitted by strider (user info) at 2005-02-11 17:01:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Brdn_Nkd, Of course I empathize with the loss but I never thought of the existance of WMDs or the ties to 9/11 as being the central issues. The main thing to be accomplished in Iraq, to me, was to eliminate the training and support of terrorists there and to free millions of people from the fear and repression of Saddam's regime.
As I see it, there is a huge shift starting to happen in the Middle East. With the death of Arafat and the recent Iraq elections there can be nothing but change for the better in that part of the world.
Yes, I see oil as being one of the key factors of why we are there. But the other blaring fact is that democracy comes greater economic freedom and with greater economic freedom comes a diminishing of the anti-West, anti-America rhetoric being spewed by the mullahs to the many unemployed young men there. (Run-on probably, so shoot me...) With this spread of freedom comes more economic stability and greater protection of US citizens both at home and abroad. As it happens, bringing about this stability and protection are Bush's duty as president. The added bonus is freeing all these people from oppression.
Don't focus on my oil comment. I totally believe in finding more alternative and renewable energy sources but that is for another post.
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2005-02-11 16:40:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Brdn,
this isn't a political piece, I think there will be political commentary. It is hard to avoid when the topic is tied to politics.
I try to avoid political discussions, mostly because I don't feel I have enough credible information to take a hard line position for or against our actions in Iraq. I only have enough evidence to take a hard line stance for our troops. I don't loose any sleep wondering "gosh, should I support our soldiers?" (not implying that you don't support them)
I think things could have been handled differently, but I also think we have to work with what we've got, no matter what that entails. We can't go back. We can't undo our actions, we can just go forward from here and count the capture of Saddam as a victory, and the elections as a result of that victory. I hope there are more silver linings to come for Iraq and for the US.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2005-02-11 16:28:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
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Submitted by oddity420 (user info) at 2005-02-11 16:10:06 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by strider (user info) at 2005-02-11 16:00:46 (#)
Ranking: 2
Anna didn't deserve him then. She really didn't understand why he was doing what he was doing.
Freeing millions of Iraqis to live as they please as we do doesn't seem like "nothing."
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Although I agree with this to a point, it doesn't apply to a personal level. Being a person who is a Marine and also has lost friends who have lost their lives in this war, I know that it sometimes feels like it's for nothing. Helping millions of people sometimes pales in comparison to losing a person who you love so dearly. I am sorry for your loss, and I think you did the right thing by not stepping in. There wasn't anything you could have done really.
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This was a well written piece that I don't think was supposed to be political. I can't however let these comments stand without opposition. When we're told our soldiers are going to fight to protect america from an imminent threat that possesses WMDS and is tied to sept 11th, then find out that that was all a load of BS I find it hard to accept that I'm not going to see my brother inlaws winning smile or enjoy his sense of humor again. He believed in what he was told he was doing too and now the reason he thought he was fighting is the old reason we went over there. If the president had come to the people and sold the war on the basis of overthrowing a brutal dictator and freeing millions of people I could probably have gotten behind that, that's a noble cause. when the president sells the war with fear during a time when we were all concerned for the saftey of the nation and then we find out that there's nothing there but the opportunity to free a bunch of people who even now aren't really demonstrating thier desire for freedom I have a problem with it. I know some of you have pegged me as a liberal especially after today but I'm not. I did vote to fire the president because the first four years were not a demonstration of compentency to me and the war is a muddled mess I think we could have avoided.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-02-11 16:11:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Semper Fi
Submitted by oddity420 (user info) at 2005-02-11 16:10:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by strider (user info) at 2005-02-11 16:00:46 (#)
Ranking: 2
Anna didn't deserve him then. She really didn't understand why he was doing what he was doing.
Freeing millions of Iraqis to live as they please as we do doesn't seem like "nothing."
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Although I agree with this to a point, it doesn't apply to a personal level. Being a person who is a Marine and also has lost friends who have lost their lives in this war, I know that it sometimes feels like it's for nothing. Helping millions of people sometimes pales in comparison to losing a person who you love so dearly. I am sorry for your loss, and I think you did the right thing by not stepping in. There wasn't anything you could have done really.
Submitted by strider (user info) at 2005-02-11 16:00:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Anna didn't deserve him then. She really didn't understand why he was doing what he was doing.
Freeing millions of Iraqis to live as they please as we do doesn't seem like "nothing."
Submitted by EAZEDZT (user info) at 2005-02-11 15:53:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Thank You.
As a Gulf War veteran, and the son of a Vietnam veteran.
You are one hell of a lady.
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2005-02-11 15:52:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2005-02-11 15:46:21 (#)
Ranking: 2
I've got two friends in Iraq right now who are fighting for what they believe in. My hats go off to anyone who has served for their country to put their lifes on the life just for someone else's personal agendas. I could never do that.
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Says it all.
-Dave
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2005-02-11 15:48:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2005-02-11 15:46:21 (#)
Ranking: 2
My hats go off to anyone who has served for their country to put their lifes on the life just for someone else's personal agendas. I could never do that.
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I think that about covers it for me, too.
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2005-02-11 15:46:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I've got two friends in Iraq right now who are fighting for what they believe in. My hats go off to anyone who has served for their country to put their lifes on the life just for someone else's personal agendas. I could never do that.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2005-02-11 15:44:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
My wife's step brother was killed over there on Christmas Eve last year. Not a great christmas. I have to admit having known her step brother I thought it a terrible waste that he died the way he did. It still makes me angry in fact. Ah well, it is what it is. Best Wishes.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2005-02-11 15:44:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hmmm, I think this one will get heated.
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2005-02-11 15:41:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No he didn't die for nothing.
He died for greedy old men.
It's a shame.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-02-11 15:40:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-02-11 15:39:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by L-Gizzle (user info) at 2005-02-11 15:39:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Damn, i'm sorry. I hate funerals too.
US soldier war stuff ---> http://www.ubersite.com/m/59330
Submitted by ess-arr (user info) at 2005-02-11 15:37:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
funerals are the only time I really lose it... they're awful