Battle for Uber: The Tale of Beer_Bong (741 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 2 on 6 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Id (View user info) at 2005-02-13 17:22:34 EST
This is but a side story to the universe created by Potatomanjack79 (PMJ)
http://www.ubersite.com/m/53914
It is not intended to replace the project that he has taken upon himself, but rather to compliment it. It is my hope to enhance the obvious hours of work PMJ has spent with this world of Uber.
For background info, read the link provided above. Below are the other stories I've written.
Enjoy.
The Tale of Wiki - http://www.ubersite.com/m/59170
The Tale of Bizdorph - http://www.ubersite.com/m/59223
The Tale of Merlina - http://www.ubersite.com/m/59341
Up next: The Tale of Tinactin
____________________________________________________________________________________________________
The priest finished his brief epitaph, a quick, meaningless collection of words for a husband and wife the holy man never once met. Delivered in a cemetery the deceased had never once seen, within a city they had never once set foot in when they lived. Assembled next to the small tombstones stood only one boy, not quite young enough to be a child, not quite old enough to be a man. His long, blond hair swaying in time with the faint breeze, obscured his still face. Tiny orbs of green gazed upon the names of his parents, above the two random phrases the cemetery keeper had chiseled into the cheap limestone.
Karelena and Beren, Lovers of Life Taken to Soon proclaimed their final resting place. So was this the end of the shotgun burial required in the city of Sindar, done with as little cost as possible, done with as little time as needed, concluded without a soul within its walls caring. So long as the corpses were neatly stowed someplace, so as disease did not strike up. The funeral has been funded from the confiscated effects and trinkets found on the slain bodies of the husband and wife, along with the weeping youth who had also been found. No one had been able to coax the cause of death out of the boy, and the uncaring officials assigned to the case hadn't really bothered to enquire very deeply into the matter. Some even went so far as to theorize that the young man, in his shock, had forgotten the who ordeal, blocking it from his frail mind.
They were wrong in thinking this. The young man Beer_Bong remembered everything. And his far from frail mind was consumed with but one thought, as his parents had been lowered into the cold earth. Revenge. Revenge upon the misshapen abominations of the Oozing Horde.
His parents had died at their hands, accidentally stumbling into the unmarked territory of swamp and decay. Great travelers, Beer_Bong's parents were, going from the peaks of mountain to the bottoms of valley, conceiving a son in their journeys and raising him among the forests and deserts of their wanderings. The swamp realms were to be their next sojourn, a great adventure to mark their son's 13th year. A day had not yet passed when the trio was ambushed by a patrol of multilimbed and weaponed warriors of the Horde, their abnormal forms terrifying them. Communication was attempted, but the guttural language of the bizarre creatures was impossible for the humans to mimic, let alone understand.
Beer_Bong and his parents tried to flee then. They failed. And in the ensuing melee, Karelena and Beren were slain.
____________________________________________________________________________________________________
The priest had long left the lonely graveyard. Beer_Bong yet remained, staring blankly upon his parents tombstones, trying to rein in his raging mind.
"Why didn't you kill me too, monsters!!!" he suddenly screamed. For indeed he had been spared. The bizarre creatures had carried him and his dead parents right to the very outskirts of Sindar, now the city of his parents' graves. Why?
"You want me to suffer, do you? Is that it?!" screamed Beer_Bong to unseen, misshapen faces and the gaping maws of teeth and skin he remembered oh so vividly. "Your sadistic longing shall be your doom, for I will hunt all of you down, and slay each of you in front of your children, so that they may grow and know the pain and hate that I know!"
Now ran the youth, into the darkening streets of Sindar, fully intent on beginning his quest for the many heads of the Oozing Horde on this very night. What little coin he had left, he spent quickly on a small sword and one day's provisions. Hardly an hour had passed from taking his leave of the cemetery where his parents lay when he ran through the gates of Sindar, and back into the now dark woods, back towards the swamp realms. He knew not how he would find them; he was more certain they would find him first. No thought did he give as to how one young human was to defeat the unknown numbers of the monstrosities that had taken his parents.
Perhaps deep in his mind, this quest was truly about securing his death and to be rid of this existence.
Now did the rain come, driving in torrents against Beer_Bong's green eyes. He had not yet reached the supposed lands of the oozing ones, but the worsening conditions slowed him. Most would have sought shelter, but the mad youth pushed ever onward. Nothing seems to matter now, save his dark designs.
And as the lightning began to strike, and the thunderclouds appeared across the sky, the earth suddenly swallowed Beer_Bong.
____________________________________________________________________________________________________
"RISE YOUNG MORTAL."
Beer_Bong awoke to the sound of this cavernous voice, made all the more potent by his new surroundings: a cavern. Crystals and gems of all sorts glistened with a supernatural light all around the dazed youth of green eyes. The words of the bodiless voice echoed throughout the subterranean halls.
"RISE, AND PLEAD YOUR CASE."
Beer_Bong then rose, with a power not of his own will. Almost as if he was pulled up.
"What....who's out there?"
"FOOLISH FLESHSLUG.....YOU SHOULD BE THINKING NOT OF WHOM YOU SPEAK TO, BUT WHAT. FOR YOUR LIFE IS NOW IN THE HANDS OF THECAES." As the incorporeal voice boomed through the empty halls, the illuminescent walls shined and glowed in time with the voice, as if the very walls were addressing the frightened Beer_Bong. "NOW, WHO IS IT THAT RUNS THROUGH MY LANDS WITH SUCH HATRED BRIMMING IN YOUR HEART?"
Perhaps it his secret desire to die, perhaps it was his all-consuming rage taking hold of his reason, but the youth now did stand, and shouted with a voice that rivaled that of is unseen host.
"Whoever or whatever you are, I owe you no explanation for my anger, nor am I to a prisoner to some ghost in a cave. Now what in hell are you!?"
"ONCE I WAS A GREAT SPIRIT OF THE EARTH, A MIGHTY ELDER. BUT A GREAT WAR RAVAGED THE EARTH, AS WE MADE BATTLE AGAINST A CLAN OF WICKED SPELLWEAVERS, THE SOLEMN. MY HEART SUFFERED GREATLY AS THE LAND WAS TORN ASUNDER FROM THE ASSUALTS OF THE EVIL WIZARDS. BUT THEN, AGAINST ALL SENSE A TRUTH WAS CALLED, AND AN ALLIANCE MADE BETWEEN SOLEMN AND ELDER. BUT THE LAND, THE EARTH HAD BLED TOO MUCH FOR ME. A CRIED OUT FOR ALL TO HEAR THAT THE PEACE SHOULD NOT BE, NOT WHEN THE GREVIOUS CRIMES AGAINST THE LAND HAD YET TO BE ASSAUGED. CAST OUT I WAS FOR ME DISSIDENCE, MAD I WAS CALLED. I WAS STRIPED OF MY FORM BOUND TO THIS CAVERN OF GEM AND CYRSTAL. LONG HAVE A WAITED. FOR A VESSEL."
Just then the lighted walls glowed ever brighter revealing more of the cavern. Beer_Bong then noticed a pile of corpses, all in various states of decay and ruin. Some were nothing more than bones and dust. All young boys, around his age.
"FOR ENDLESS YEARS I HAVE WAITED, BRINGING DOWN THOSE THAT WOULD SUFFICE ME, THOSE THAT MAY BE CAPABLE OF HOUSING MY ENDLESS FURY AND RAGE. ONE WHO COULD BRING ME OUT OF THIS PRISON AND INTO THE LIGHT, SO THAT UBER MAY BE PURGED OF THE TAINT OF THE SOLEMN. BUT ALL THUS FAR HAVE BEEN WEAK. LET US SEE HOW YOU FARE...."
Beer_Bong's body was lifted into the air, and his mind was taken from him. Images of ages long past flooded his head, images of great giants of the air, stone and water waging horrific war with old creatures who commanded the lightning and fire. Deep scars were made upon the earth, whole mountains destroyed in flashes of destructive magic. The seas were made to boil, and sky swirled with red clouds of brimstone. And throughout it all, the sense of great loss and sorrow filled the young mortal. And the all consuming thought of revenge. Then suddenly the images blurred, and he was suddenly once again in the swamps, watching his parents die. But this time, there was another being present, amid the disfigured forms of the mutants who took Beer_Bong's parents. Twas a giant of rock and stone, eyes as black as coal. It stared at the youth, and Beer_Bong realized that the great form was that of Thecaes. Before it was taken as well.
"YOU ARE DIFFERENT FROM THE OTHERS, FLESHSLUG. YOU KNOW WHAT IT IS TO BE ROBBED OF THAT WHICH YOU LOVE. THESE CREATURES TOOK YOUR FAMILY, AS WICKED SORCERORS OF THE SOLEMN RAPED THE LAND. JUST AS MY FORMER KIN TOOK MY FORM FOR TRYING TO AVENGE UBER. YOU AND I...ARE KINDRED."
Beer_Bong look back at his parents, the illusions brought forth with Thecaes power. He watched their bodies collapse again. He watched the oozing ones take them out of the swamp, to be found by uncaring people to be buried in an uncaring graveyard. The images changed once more, now taking Beer_Bong to the graveyard. In front of his parents tombstones. Only now there also stood the great stone that was Thecaes.
"I WILL GRANT YOUR WISHES, IF YOU GRANT MINE."
Thecaes reached out a giant slab of a hand.
Beer_Bong took it.
"NOW, WE SHALL BE ONE."
____________________________________________________________________________________________________
The small assortment of thatched huts and clay buildings that made up the village lay just outside of the great swamp. Creatures of many legs and arms, forms of multiple heads and numerous eyes, figures of sorts where bottom and top were indiscernible milled about. Had it not been for these forms however, one would mistake this for any other small community. Bizarre variations of cattle and fowl were penned up, the inhabitants going about their affairs, in the midst of the great storm that had descended upon them. Indeed, the paid no attention to the rain and lightning. The smaller ones, the children, roamed about, their various appendages flailing about, playing whatever games the members of Oozing Horde played.
Such was the scene was Beer_Bong arrived.
He could hear the beats of their feet upon the ground; discern the sounds of their speech as it vibrated through the earth. And pinpoint with ease where each and every creature was.
"COME.....TAKE YOUR VENGEANCE." Thecaes commanded from within young man's mind.
Then did the ground split. Then did great rocks of the earth rise into the sky and coming crashing down on those that fled. With each death, with each misshapen heart stopped, the boy only grew more determined, more intent to send each and every last one into the same earth that now his parents slept for eternity.
It was over in less than a few minutes.
A great fissure was all that remained of the village. Splattered bits of gore dotted that ground, pieces of flesh peering from under the great stones that had crushed it. But Beer_Bong paid this no heed. He was staring at the last living creature, a small one of seven eyes and tentacled legs. A...child.
"A child...." whispered the youth.
"YES," proclaimed the great voice of Thecaes, now a guest in side the Beer_Bong's body. "NOW, FINISH THIS. DELIVER THE LAST BLOW, AND AVENGE YOUR PARENTS. SEND THIS QUIVERING FLESHSLUG INTO THE DEPTHS."
Beer_Bong stared at the whimpering creature, and saw in its many eyes the same look of fear that had stolen upon the eyes of his parents, just before they were slain. Empathy and pity flooded in, blocking out the rage.
Beer_Bong turned and began to walk away.
"DO NOT THINK YOU HAVE DONE THIS CHILD ANY FAVOR. FOR NOW TOO SHALL IT BE CONSUMED BY THE SAME RAGE AS THAT WHICH GRIPS YOUR HEART. ONLY REVENGE SHALL IT NOW KNOW. I'M IMPRESSED, MORTAL."
____________________________________________________________________________________________________
It hadn't taken much to convince the leaders of the Maelstrom army to admit Beer_Bong into its ranks. Sure, they had been a touch upset when he felled an entire tower, sending it into the bowels of the Earth, but at the insistence of Lojope, head spell caster of the empire, the trespass was over looked.
That was 20 years ago.
During those long years, the great spirit of Thecaes imparted great knowledge upon the growing Beer_Bong. Names of the Solemn and Elder they were to one day hunt down, greater powers of the earth. Many battles had the two fought, many hundred of Oozing ones cast into the ground. Yet the rage only kept growing, fueled by the ages-old scorn carried by the former Elder.
"FOR SOON, A GREAT BATTLE WILL COME TO THE LAND. I CAN FEEL IT," Thecaes said often, "AND WHEN IT DOES, THE TIME OF MY VENGANCE, THE TIME OF UBER'S VENGANCE, SHALL COME AT LAST!"
User Reviews
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-02-13 22:09:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ha ha ha ha!!
Submitted by Beer_bong (user info) at 2005-02-13 21:48:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Id, you fucking rock!
Thecaes and I will rape you all.
Submitted by tinactin (user info) at 2005-02-13 20:26:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Woohoooo..Im next
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-02-13 18:35:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
And another.
If there is one thing, and ONLY one tiny little thing that I dont' like about this idea is that the characters names are being used verbatim. Some people have usernames that work in this context, others do not...I think it would fit better if slight variations were made to the names. Like, Be'er instead of "Beer_Bong" or The Lady Plural instead of "LadyPlural" and so on.
Keep up the awesome work.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-02-13 18:31:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Id. Don't be frightened. But I am going to make sweet sweet love to you.
Dude, that was AWESOME, and not just because I'm in it (thank you, by the way). It was a really cool origin story. I have a question; did you tailor this story to be similar to the stuff that happened in my Stanley and the Monster series, or is that just a coincidence? Because it's a pretty cool adaptation, if you did it on purpose.
I guess Beer Bong and I are in this together now. Go Beer Bong! Kick Oozing Horde ass!
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2005-02-13 18:03:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Either thecaes has a serious lisp AND a drawl, or you need to reread your posts before submitting.
Still, great stuff. Maybe you should take over the main story too, as PMJ seems to have dropped it.