The Female Mind: UNexplained (1274 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 0.24 on 22 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Jabroni (View user info) at 2005-02-15 01:21:53 EST
I don't even know where to start. She wants to 'take a break.' What am I supposed to do? I had to agree with her. She wanted to 'sort her shit out.' She has a lot of psychological problems and is going to a therapist, so that excuse made sense. We had been together for a week short of three months.
It's not that we're not talking to each other; she still sits next to me in class and stuff. It's that I'll probably never get to be intimate with her again...never get to even hold her fucking hand or put my arm around her. She told me that she loves me, she still does tell me that - she just did 30 minutes ago. But somehow I can't believe her, how could you love someone like the way she says she loves me, and not want to be in a relationship with them?
[her screename]: i love you so much and i just idk i need you as my best friend right now, and i hope that you can still be there for me bc i know i would do the same for you
[her screename]: bc youre still my best friend
Can you explain that? I've been confused ever since she first brought this up a week ago. A week ago she started asking me what I would do if she needed a break, if she needed some time to figure out her life. So I agreed, I caved in. I was going for the notion that it will help us in the long run, and her telling me this helps out a lot:
[her screename]: youll always have me. always. this makes sense bc its just supposed to help both of us out
I am attached I think. I can never get enough of her. She's all I think about, she's my cocaine. I would wake up every morning and she'd be the first thing on my mind, my reason for getting out of bed. Hell, she still is. I always thought, the quicker I get to school the sooner I'll see her face, get to hug her, maybe sneak in a kiss. Hell, I still do, even though all that I will get is a small hug. Those will probably, in time, wane to nothing. To a friendly nod or just a little 'hey Scott, see you in third period.'
It's not that she treats me like shit; she's the most wonderful thing that's ever happened to me. It's not a relationship where I get whipped [it may seem that way, but the whipping is pretty mutual] She has been in some horrid relationships before and I asked her BEST FRIEND what my girlfriend was saying about our relationship. And her best friend said that she has never seen my girlfriend so happy in the four years that they've known each other. She's written me really long notes before, on nothing at all too! Just on and on about nothing in particular, just because I THOUGHT she loved me so much. I keep them all; I don't know why I just do. I have one that's 6 pages long. And tons and tons that are 3 or 4.
What am I doing wrong? Should I ask her that? I don't know what to think anymore. She has also told me this, which made me feel so wonderful:
[her screename]: even if something happened and for the time being it wasnt right for us to be together... for some reason i feel so right with you that i cant help but think that things are going to end up in our favor in the long run
[her screename]: i know that sounds weird, but when you touch me i feel like im home, and i love it
But lately all I've been thinking about is the negativities. My whole life I have never fully trusted someone before. Whenever anyone tells me anything the first thing I think is how many ways it could be wrong. It was different with her, she was the first person that I ut my trust full into, telling her everything, how I think I have Social Anxiety Disorder [i'm sure of it] and all this other stuff. But since we're not together anymore, anytime she tells me something I am back to the beginning, back to thinking that she's lying. That when she tells me that next year she sees us being the closest friends, it all is a lie to me...
So what should I do Uberettes? Should I start to forget about their ever being anything relationship-wise between us again? What do girls mean when they say that they need a break, but have ZERO intentions of going out/sleeping with anyone else? messege me on AIM <BushForGod> so i can ask you 9 million questions about how your brain works. Or just let me know below, please.
HELP!
User Reviews
Submitted by DemonJack (user info) at 2005-02-19 20:12:01 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
When a girl says she wants time, it's because she doesn't know what she wants. Give her all the time and distance she wants. Cut off all contact and don't be a wuss about it. She asked for it why should you suffer. If somehow she figures out she can't be without you she'll come back. If not forget it and move on. Your way too young to worry about shit like this.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-02-19 19:34:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
when girls say they need space it means they want to see other people. sorry.
move on
Submitted by Tigre (user info) at 2005-02-19 19:26:44 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Go away
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2005-02-19 19:12:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by bush_for_god (user info) at 2005-02-18 01:26:17 (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 because you played soccer, i am on the verge of getting a scholarship into a university.
what level did you play at?
-------------------------------
our high school level wasn't too good. our conference had 5-6 other teams and they were never any competition.
our all-stars (myself included) went to a national tournament in tennessee. they mixed us all together with different states. we got paired with virginia, ohio, and michigan. we came in 5th.
i played in college, but only on an intramural level. our college didn't have an intercollegiate team (although we could have kicked ass with all our foreign students). i did so-so, but never really applied myself...such is life.
oh yeah, nice joke about mediocrity/president haha!
Submitted by Jungle_Jimanee (user info) at 2005-02-16 08:12:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Keep us posted on what you do and how it goes.
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2005-02-15 18:33:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
My advice: run away. Run far away from troubled women, they only get worse.
Submitted by bush_for_god (user info) at 2005-02-15 18:18:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
thanks for all the help
Submitted by consuelo212 (user info) at 2005-02-15 12:33:14 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Jungle_Jimanee (user info) at 2005-02-15 12:20:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I agree with drankallmywine
Submitted by drankallmywine (user info) at 2005-02-15 11:34:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I would tell her that you can't be friends with her. It sounds mean as fuck but you are being terribly codependant right now. She is getting what she needs/wants out of the relationship with you being her best friend but you not getting what you need/want out of it because she isn't your girlfriend. You are sticking around in the hope that she will come around and realize what a great guy you are but I'm telling you, once you get cast into the best friend role, there's an ice cube's chance in hell that you're making it back to boyfriend.
So leave. Tell her that your romantic feelings for her make it impossible for you to just be friends with her. One of two things will happen. You will either stop being so close and involved with the object of your affections and give yourself the time and space necessary to get over her or else she will realize what a great guy she was throwing away and go back to you. Both have happened to me and I always felt much better than I did just pining away for her, attempting to just be a friend.
Submitted by AlwaysAnEagle (user info) at 2005-02-15 09:27:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is not a female thing.
Plus two for luck.
If I knew how to deal with this, I wouldn't be having issues right now.
Submitted by Jungle_Jimanee (user info) at 2005-02-15 08:08:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I feel for you and I have been there before, on both sides. Most teenage relationships don't last.
In any relationship one loves the other more, you love her more than she does, it's not a problem it's natural. However, you are just happy to keep her, she wants to be happy. She loves you, especially at the start when it was all exiting and new and she had to struggle for your affection.
But you have pledged her everything (by the sounds of it), so she has you and then the focus shifts from "he is the best around for me" to "is he the one I want to spend the rest of my life with? Is he the one I have always dreamed of, will he replace my father in my eyes, am I lucky to have him"?
If you were rich this would not be a problem, but it sounds like you are still at school, could she be preparing to go to college?
Breaking up with someone you still love is horrible because you have to justify why you don't feel happy with someone, so you will probably never get to the bottom of this.
So she could be:
1) Leaving
2) Bored
3) Concerned about the future of relationship and wanting to end it sooner than later
4) Interested in someone else
5) There is an intrinsic part of you she is incompatible with (one case with the love of my life, she had issue with my friends not being stuck up elitist wannabes)
Advise for you:
It's either /or
A
1) Get it through your head that by chasing her in any way will drive her away. You will only ever get her back if she is doubt that she can. Don't call her
2) DO NOT MOPE, everybody and I mean everybody is watching you to see if you can't handle it. I have known girls who promise the world to their boyfriends to make the breakup worse so that they can stand round going "it's not my fault he loves me so much, ha ha ha". Plus nobody will touch you if you can't handle one failed relationship.
3) Don't go off the rails, nothing is more pathetic than getting a call from an ex at 3AM drunk as skunk threatening to kill themselves. If anything tidy up your life, exercise loads (the endorphins WILL make you feel better and you'll look buff), go hang with all of your friends in a positive way, buy some new clothes, get new hair cut.
4) If nobody knows then don't tell anybody, girls always go for guys in relationships because you are proven boyfriend material, they love stealing another girl's toy and they feel special because you are risking a definite shag for them (it's not just sex). This helps step 5
5) Replace her. This is the best way; you never get over the last relationship until you are hip deep in the next. Plus her jealousy is the best way to get her back, as long as you are moping you are hers, the moment Becky is hanging on your arm she could think "shit he is getting away". If she doesn't everybody will reckon you are a Playa and you won't have fucked your life up.
This worked for my sister, her boyfriend split with her after 8 years when she was 32, she left to London immediately, lost weight, had a great social life and he after trying it with someone else for three weeks and being miserable lonely came back like a whipped dog. They are now engaged.
B
1) Find out what the fuck is wrong, claim she is being unfair because you where unaware of any issues and that she should give the relationship another chance or she will be a lying hypocritical bitch forever and lose you as a friend.
This worked for my girlfriend; I split with her because I could not see a future in it with her recent actions (long story). At first I did not discuss the issues because I thought there would be no relationship if I did and it would hurt her .I won't bore everybody with the details, lets just say she agreed to them and now the relationship is stronger.
But I'm a nice guy...
I might be unfair here, but even the nicest girls want a huge circle of amazing guy friends who are all hopelessly in love with her, but then to "convert"/ fuck some utter shit because he is unavailable.
The trick is for your girl to feel lucky that she even has you and then treat her well.
Submitted by Philst82 (user info) at 2005-02-15 05:32:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Back off I guess. If she's telling the truth about the way she feels let her come to you. If not go find someone else.
Submitted by totkid (user info) at 2005-02-15 04:13:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Get another stuffed object of lust u fucker. Then you may come to terms with your cocklicker
Submitted by Wazza (user info) at 2005-02-15 04:06:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Get another one and fuck yourself stupid, it never fails .Then you may come to terms with reality.
Submitted by totkid (user info) at 2005-02-15 03:58:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Masturbation is probably the best way out my friend. You don't see how many ways of approaching masturbation i've invented. I'm a genuine masturbator.
Submitted by Punam (user info) at 2005-02-15 02:24:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It's honest, and that's refreshing. This relationship is going to play it's course regardless, but I say do your best to let her go. Good luck.
Submitted by hungovermondays (user info) at 2005-02-15 02:04:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
let me try this again.
having been the one to "make a break," I have learned that it is a baby step to figuring out what you want.
for me, the chick said, "if you move out, we break up." and i moved out. My last boss, who is female, had her boyfriend do the same to her, but when she made the strong play, he decided to stay.
If you don't cave, you may not get the girl, but at least you don't have to feel like a door-mat.
Submitted by Dead_0hi0_Sky (user info) at 2005-02-15 02:03:18 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
VINDICATED! I AM SELFISH, I AM WRONG, I AM RIGHT! I SWEAR I KNEW IT ALL ALONG!
dude, heres 'THE' advice. go out, get wasted, get a real bitchin' harley davidson tattoo on your back, buy two hookers, rent a cheap motel out in boise, and forget about Emo. its a terrible lifestyle.
Submitted by hungovermondays (user info) at 2005-02-15 01:59:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
uhmm, if you make a strong play, she may come back to you, she may not.
if you go weak, she will likely hang around, but will NEVER get back with you.
Submitted by bush_for_god (user info) at 2005-02-15 01:43:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
thx Hungover, but, so, this means that the chances of us being an item again are pretty much zero huh.
and another question...has anyone ever had a pre-meditated 'break' and gotten back together??
Submitted by hungovermondays (user info) at 2005-02-15 01:35:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
alright brother. take it easy.
from my exp. "taking a break" means 2 things, either I don't want to be with you anymore, but like having you around, or the much more fucked up, I need you to get real mad, say something crazy ............
fuck it. The truth is, you need to be strong and firm. She is leaving you, and you have 2 options
1-be her sort of friend, there for her to talk to when she is "having a hard day."
or
2- say, "if you don't want to be with me, that is okay, but it is too hard for me to continue a friendship with you now." and wait to she what she does.
anyway, I feel you on the social anxiety thing. I used to have it real bad.