Back off, Pentameter. Donkey is MINE!!! (1875 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 1.97 on 44 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Munkeypants (View user info) at 2005-02-15 11:17:10 EST
Sorry Pentameter. Donkey is mine. Don't bother trying to call him or IM him.
For he has vanished and only I know where he is. You left me no other choice.
I'm sorry. I couldn't help myself. I can't tell you how many mornings I sat in front of
his house hoping to catch a glimpse of him retrieving the morning mail in his boxers.
I watched through his window as he would dress up his teddy bears and serve them tea.
I bet you didn't know his favorite dolly was a large one-eyed stuffed octopus named
Miss Hannah!
I followed him on the weekends. Through the mall, at the bank, around the grocery store.
I watched, fascinated, as he fondled each and every grapefruit and banana. Then I bought
them all and had them glazed to keep forever.
I can't tell you how many nights I have followed him through the grottos of
Manchester watching in a jealous rage as he picked up various asain hookers and sold crack to random
teenagers on the street corners. I watched this with a broken heart that I was not
born a one legged asian hooker named Clarence. Then maybe, just maybe, I could make him mine.
Sigh. A girl can only dream.
I watched as he finally hung up his purple pimp hat for good only to have you come along and take
him from me.
Well you can't have him.
I have him hidden away under lock and key where no one can ever find him. I have him stashed
away where he can spend the rest of his life catering to me!!! Well, me and my
50 cats and 2 parrots.
I am sorry but I can't have you messing up my master plan. I have spent way too much time
stalking him and way too many print minutes leaving him heavy breathing voice mails.
He is the one the Oracle has told me about. At first I didn't believe what it told me but then after shaking it 15 more
times it still said "Outlook Good". Sorry but you can't deny prophecy.
I finally have the man of my dreams who can not only play the guitar but can also
crochet lovely doilies. I want to spend forever making pot holders and jams with him.
There is NO WAY I am letting him go.
Unless you have some cool Garbage Pail Kids cards you want to trade for him.
I am missing Puking Paul, Toe Jam Tom, and Peptic Ulcer Peter.
User Reviews
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-06-26 18:00:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I come back to read this piece of...........funny material. Bwahahahaha
Nice to meet you Munkey
Submitted by UberGirl (user info) at 2005-04-24 03:54:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I like the oracle thing and the one legged hooker
Submitted by Hadooken (user info) at 2005-03-01 13:22:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Val (user info) at 2005-02-27 01:51:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I friggin adore you.
Submitted by Lechuga (user info) at 2005-02-18 01:41:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I've seen you outside my window. . . I know you're stalking me too. Even though I live further from you than Ba Donk Da Donk does.
Next time I'll have a gun.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-02-16 10:34:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Saxon (user info) at 2005-02-15 17:23:12 (#)
Ranking: 2
Gosh and ive been stalking miss pants for months not knowing her interests lie elsewhere.
Say it isnt soooooooooooooooooooooo.
----------------------------
you're next on my list, sweetheart.
Submitted by BigCore (user info) at 2005-02-15 23:11:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Whoa, fucking demon donkey. *brandishes a cross*
Submitted by SPECIALk (user info) at 2005-02-15 22:42:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Saxon (user info) at 2005-02-15 17:23:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Gosh and ive been stalking miss pants for months not knowing her interests lie elsewhere.
Say it isnt soooooooooooooooooooooo.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-02-15 16:55:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
what AshK. Never seen a pshycho stalker post before?
Actually.. you're looking pretty cute. Where do you live?
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2005-02-15 16:52:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This.......
wow, where do I start?
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-02-15 16:40:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
okay. who killed my one and only chance at a perfect +2?
who did it??
<shakes fist angrily>
Submitted by Lechuga (user info) at 2005-02-15 16:15:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That was a hate post if I've ever seen one.
Either that or I'm an idiot.
Submitted by screamfeeder (user info) at 2005-02-15 15:35:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Pentameter 79: Woe is unto ME!
scrmfdr1984: Oh Jesus Fucking Christ.
scrmfdr1984: Another one of you fuckers? Don't you have better things to be doing than bug me...
Pentameter 79: My plight is unlike the others!!! I have been forsaken by that two-bit hussy MUNKYPANTS!
scrmfdr1984: Hold on...let me go get my "I give a shit hat"
Pentameter 79: ok
Pentameter 79: Hello?
Pentameter 79: You find your hat? You shouldn't need it...is it a special hat?
Pentameter 79: DON'T LEAVE ME!!
scrmfdr1984: Goddamn you are persistent...
Pentameter 79: You must help me...why does everyone insist on prying me and Donk apart like two pieces of an Oreo with a Creamy Love Filled center?
scrmfdr1984: Look lady, I don't give a rats ass about you, your problems or whatever sort of 'cookie' lifestyle you want to live...
Pentameter 79: It's not a 'lifestyle'...it was experimentation...you know like in College...
scrmfdr1984: wait...what?
Pentameter 79: You know...you...your roommate...a bag of Chewy Chips A-Hoy...maybe some milk if you want to get..."crazy"
scrmfdr1984: Holy fucking hell...I am in Bizzaro World...that is the only explanation...Superman must have dragged me here with him...Do you have a goatee by chance?
Pentameter 79: Oh God...why didn't Donkey ever love me like the Chips A-Hoy...so soft...yet so hard...
scrmfdr1984: I just need to find the portal back to my world is all...where was it in Superman #357...The moon or some shit most likely...
Pentameter 79: Do you know who the hottest character on Sesame Street was?
scrmfdr1984: Let me guess...Cookiemonster you goddamn freakshow...
Pentameter 79: WOW! so you DO know all about it..
scrmfdr1984: maybe if I bash these ruby shoes into my face I will wake up in my bed...
Pentameter 79: he would go..COOOOOOOOOKIE..and I would get SO wet!!!
scrmfdr1984: I used to take Oreos and drop them in milk till they would crumble and melt at the bottom in a black sludge...then I would take that sludge and smear it all over my body until I was covered in bits of Oreo with milk dripping off me...
Pentameter 79: OMFG FREAK!
Pentameter79 signed off at 3:00:40 PM.
scrmfdr1984: PURPLE RAIN PUUUURPLE RAIN!!!!!
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-02-15 15:30:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
aiee! pressed the button too soon, I sorry!!!!!!
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-02-15 15:29:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
munkeypants is funnies!
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2005-02-15 14:50:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You are totally insane.
But in a nice kinda way.
-Dave
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2005-02-15 14:39:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
that animal is scary looking as fuck.
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-02-15 13:27:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
BWAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Idiots! You've all been duped by clones of the Donkster!
I shrunk the original Donkey down to pocket size.
HAHAHA!
He typed this message by jumping on the keyboard.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-02-15 13:20:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I stole him.
He's mine now.
He sits in a gleeful slumber, under a glass dome with no airholes, awaiting the kiss of his true princly love.
And if any of you fucks with that, I will fucking murder your kitten.
You think MUNKEY was possesive?
I WILL RIP THE GUTS OUT OF A CUTE FUZZY MEWING KITTEN IF ANYONE TRIES TO TAKE MY DONKDONK AWAY!
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-02-15 13:15:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
well, Miss Pent-a-meter.
Looks like he is anxious to get back to you. I had him bound with several feet of
rope made out of strawberry twizzlers and he has chewed though it!
I cannot find him. I believe he is running around boston in only his
underoos and batman socks.
Submitted by UrbaneMischief (user info) at 2005-02-15 13:13:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by precision (user info) at 2005-02-15 13:00:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
How about a trade: 1 Flat Tyler, 1 Max Axe, and a Horney Hal, all in mint condition. Sorry but you can't have Bushy Bernice or Barfn' Bart.
Submitted by hungovermondays (user info) at 2005-02-15 12:37:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2005-02-15 12:23:04 (#)
Ranking: 2
<prodded into room by masked bondage people>
<monotone voice, glazed over look>>
I have a statement.
I no longer love Pentameter.
Munkeypants is my master
That is all.
<mouths the words, "help me," gets zapped by cattle prods>
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Snicker...their is no help!
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2005-02-15 12:23:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
<prodded into room by masked bondage people>
<monotone voice, glazed over look>>
I have a statement.
I no longer love Pentameter.
Munkeypants is my master
That is all.
<mouths the words, "help me," gets zapped by cattle prods>
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-02-15 12:19:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
So if you girls run off together, can you at least temm *ME* where Donkey is?
I mean, we might want to feed him and let him out to pee every once in a while.
And I promise I won't use him to entice GLALL into giving me his recipie for Key Lime pie...
Submitted by drfeggphd (user info) at 2005-02-15 12:09:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Through the mall, at the bank, around the grocery store.
I watched, fascinated, as he fondled each and every grapefruit and banana.
------------
this made me laugh and made up for the pic, which frightened me.
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2005-02-15 12:01:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
For my money, the part about the Oracle that, after shaking, says things like "outlook good," is the funniest part of the whole thing. I love me some magic 8-ball.
Of course, anything with doilies in it is also hella funny.
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-02-15 11:52:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Dammit! I like being the iron.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-02-15 11:46:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-02-15 11:28:59 (#)
Ranking: 2
Munkey -
You should let Donkey go so that you and I can run away together.
What do you say?
--------------------------------
fine but when we play monopoly you have to be the stupid shoe.
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2005-02-15 11:35:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Har Har... I love munkeypants posts. it's funny and yet still cute.
Submitted by Soley_Trinity (user info) at 2005-02-15 11:35:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I <3 you the mostest.
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2005-02-15 11:35:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Unless you have some cool Garbage Pail Kids cards you want to trade for him.
I am missing Puking Paul, Toe Jam Tom, and Peptic Ulcer Peter.
---------------------------
Holy crap! I think I have those cards.
Submitted by tinactin (user info) at 2005-02-15 11:30:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-02-15 11:22:02 (#)
Ranking: 2
It's funny seeing broads "fight" over Mr. Ed.
HAHA
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-02-15 11:28:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Munkey -
You should let Donkey go so that you and I can run away together.
What do you say?
Submitted by FATMANTPK (user info) at 2005-02-15 11:27:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is an instance where a +2 in not enough. I was laughing the whole time, and the picture really had me rolling. My coworkers are now wondering why a Donkey puppet is damn funny.
PS - Munkey, are you still gonna trade me Donkey for those shiny marbles I have? You said you would!
Submitted by Holz (user info) at 2005-02-15 11:26:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-02-15 11:25:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
For some reason, this has me really freaked out.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-02-15 11:22:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It's funny seeing broads "fight" over Mr. Ed.
Submitted by hungovermondays (user info) at 2005-02-15 11:21:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
my ADD prevented the full reading of this post, but the donkey hand puppet really did it for me.
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-02-15 11:20:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I <3 Munkeypants!
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-02-15 11:19:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That donkey is the shit. Oh man this is funny.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-02-15 11:19:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You are too funny. This is hilarious P.
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-02-15 11:19:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA!
YOU JUST ROCKED MY FUCKING FACE!