Sexual Orientation (1833 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 1.93 on 51 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by ENV3NOM (View user info) at 2005-02-15 19:35:19 EST
At most any job that takes place in an office type setting you'll be required to go through some sort of employee orientation, where everyone collectively goes over the company's harassment policies, email and internet usage policies, etc. These items are of course intended for "business purposes only." Yeah right. They say no porn? I say...define "porn."
"Ok, and that concludes orientation. Are there any questions in regards to the employee internet, e-mail and security policy?"
"Could I get some clarification on "porn?"
"Excuse me?"
"Uh...well, it's just that I'm just a little fuzzy on the whole "porn" thing. Is that all-inclusive?"
"What do you mean exactly?"
"Well say for instance, is lesbian porn considered porn? That really ought to fall under art."
"Yes, lesbian porn is still considered porn."
"But couldn't it also be considered educational? Diversity training so to speak?"
"It doesn't matter, it's still considered porn."
"Well, let's say you guys hire a lesbian, and I'm intolerant of her lifestyle from lack of exposure because I wasn't allowed to browse lesbian porn while at work. Will I still be written up?"
"We'll cross that bridge when we come to it. Are there any other questions?"
(Raising hand)
"Anyone? Does anyone else have a question?"
(Eagerly raising hand)
(Reluctantly) "Yes, what is your question?"
"Ok, let's say the girls are just kissing and spanking each other a little, but still have all of their clothes on. Is that still considered porn?"
"Let's just say that's it's not appropriate for the workplace."
"Even if they're Asian?"
"Their race is of no consequence, it is still not appropriate for the workplace. I'm beginning to question your judgement."
(Smiles) "Maybe you should question the judgement of the guy who hired me."
"Moving along..."
"Wait, I have another question."
"Yes, what is it?"
"Now in regards to this whole verbal harassment thing, define harassment."
"If you make a comment towards someone and they inform you that they perceive it to be offensive, yet you persist, it can be considered harassment."
"So if I call a girl a bitch it could be considered harassment?"
"Yes, that could be considered harassment."
"What if I call her my bitch and she likes it, is that considered harassment?"
"Well, technically no, if the party is not offended it is not considered harassment. If someone else were to overhear you however and were offended it could then be considered harassment. Either way, you should avoid that sort of language as it isn't suitable for a place of business."
"Ok, I think I get it. So if I'm bangin' this chick in the ladies room stall and I'm all like "yeah, you like that, don't you bitch?" and she's all like "tell me how much of a slut I am!" and some chick walks in, it's only harassment if she's not a voyeur?"
"Ok, that's it, I've had about enough out of you!"
"Slow your roll sista, I haven't gotten enough INTO you yet."
"There, THAT! That right there! That is blatant sexual harassment!"
"Ohhhhhhhhh, ok, I get it now, thanks for your help."
(Flustered) "You're welcome."
"You really ought to loosen up though, you look like you haven't gotten laid in years!"
User Reviews
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-07-03 21:04:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Excellent work
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2005-07-03 20:42:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good stuff.
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2005-07-03 20:09:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
how the fuck did i miss think you fucking bitch.
Submitted by mikethescottish (user info) at 2005-07-03 19:56:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
A million +2s condensed into singular +2s, with the impact of a single +2. Enjoy.
Submitted by jimthefiend (user info) at 2005-07-03 19:38:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2+2+2+2+2+2+2
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Submitted by lordofthedance (user info) at 2005-07-03 19:12:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-02-16 15:52:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I love you, man
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2005-02-16 09:41:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Well versed!
Submitted by Envenom (user info) at 2005-02-16 07:58:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh, btw, sorry for the abrupt ending. It could have gone on forever...
"You really ought to loosen up though, you look like you haven't gotten laid in years! You're so tight, you make the security at the Pentagon seem loose by comparison!"
"Heck, you're so tight, you could use your vagina to mine diamonds!"
"You're so tight, some guy went down on you and suffocated!"
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2005-02-16 07:27:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I want to have your man-babies!
Submitted by Envenom (user info) at 2005-02-16 07:15:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
HAHA, sorry tinactin. It was originally double spaced. I was just trying to make sure that it was easy to read and that there was some distinction between the two parts in the dialogue.
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-02-16 06:27:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Deserves more heat.
Submitted by funk_boy (user info) at 2005-02-16 04:39:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
best post i've read in ages
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2005-02-16 04:28:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by TheJedi (user info) at 2005-02-16 04:17:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Very creative and funny...
Submitted by tinactin (user info) at 2005-02-16 02:36:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Great post, but your triple spacing between every line drives me nuts.
Submitted by Wazza (user info) at 2005-02-16 02:20:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Well done!
Submitted by hungovermondays (user info) at 2005-02-16 02:04:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for slow your roll
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2005-02-15 23:04:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow. This was funny enough to hurt my face. Well done.
Submitted by peckerhead (user info) at 2005-02-15 22:55:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
sneaky good. Well done!
Submitted by Tigre (user info) at 2005-02-15 22:34:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Dead_0hi0_Sky (user info) at 2005-02-15 21:13:11 (#)
Ranking: 2
"Let's just say that's it's not appropriate for the workplace."
"Even if they're Asian?"
-------------------------------------------------------------
perfection.
-------
Couldn't agree more.
Submitted by Envenom (user info) at 2005-02-15 22:19:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh, and don't forget to visit cumfacedasians.com
ROFLMFAOOMGWTF!!!
Submitted by Envenom (user info) at 2005-02-15 22:11:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.hardcorejunky.net/asians.html
(Note the time on the response...and I have dial up. Sad)
Submitted by Demolocke (user info) at 2005-02-15 22:09:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Brilliant!
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2005-02-15 22:08:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
can you recommend a nice site with that sort of asian business going on?
Submitted by Envenom (user info) at 2005-02-15 22:07:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Wow, thanks everyone. Deliberately deceptive, I know. What a sneaky bastard I am.
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-02-15 22:03:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Bored at Work... seriously. I was rolling at this.
(eagerly raises hand)
I can picture it!
Submitted by Shizae (user info) at 2005-02-15 21:57:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2005-02-15 21:55:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You're awesomely funny.
Submitted by lojope (user info) at 2005-02-15 21:54:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Slow your roll sista, I haven't gotten enough INTO you yet
Submitted by purringbubbles (user info) at 2005-02-15 21:41:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by precision (user info) at 2005-02-15 21:37:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Bizantine (user info) at 2005-02-15 21:20:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
good stuff
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2005-02-15 21:19:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Dead_0hi0_Sky (user info) at 2005-02-15 21:13:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Let's just say that's it's not appropriate for the workplace."
"Even if they're Asian?"
-------------------------------------------------------------
perfection.
Submitted by Grin (user info) at 2005-02-15 21:02:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by propertie_fenspost (user info) at 2005-02-15 20:58:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Define Sexual Orientation
Submitted by chipolatte (user info) at 2005-02-15 20:54:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
harhar
Submitted by algermetiphist (user info) at 2005-02-15 20:54:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No comment.
Submitted by PatheticCapitalistFuck (user info) at 2005-02-15 20:43:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
ha
Submitted by Rawrg (user info) at 2005-02-15 20:38:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Good post.
Submitted by ikebomber (user info) at 2005-02-15 20:28:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
yeah...
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-02-15 20:23:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Good times...
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2005-02-15 20:22:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Awko (user info) at 2005-02-15 20:20:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Affinity (user info) at 2005-02-15 20:16:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Ha Ha Ha.........
You are fired.
Love your boss
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2005-02-15 20:07:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Quite fucking hilarious, Mr. N.
Submitted by Jimmy (user info) at 2005-02-15 19:50:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
WAY TO GET TWO REVIEWS
Submitted by EatMeCompletely (user info) at 2005-02-15 19:50:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Even if they're Asian?"
Asians are my kryptonite. I met this Persian girl the other night. Sooooo hot. That is all.
Submitted by Envenom (user info) at 2005-02-15 19:43:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
HAHAHAHA! Wow, that was random. Too funny.
Submitted by Jimmy (user info) at 2005-02-15 19:40:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE MY ASS