Showgirls, The Red Knight, and Malicious Ex-Girlfriends: Getting My Ass Kicked in Atlantic City (5241 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.94 on 113 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Isaac Bickerstaff (View user info) at 2005-02-16 00:15:31 EST
Truth be told, it hadn't been a great day anyhow and that aint no lie, but it got no better when my therapist asked me if I've ever read "Percival."
I told him yeah as a kid, and he said "You're like him, you know, the boy knight, wandering lost through the wasteland."
And I thought, right on. That sounds every bit as fucked as I feel: the wasteland. I wonder if that's anything like Atlantic City.
At the airport, the Girl held me crazy hard for a long time. I'd dressed in the dark to avoid waking her, and as she re-buttoned my shirt, she said the obligatory, "Don't go." Then she did my collar and flattened my hair and said something I can't remember cause it's all too unbearable right? That kinda tenderness, that intimacy, it's like acid on my skin; like I can hear a bug zapper crack every time she touches my face...
The Girl hates Atlantic City, says the whole place smells like a dead thing wearing Chanel #5, like a leper dressed in gold, a corpse in a BMW. Me, I've got the ache, ya know? Like someone take me home and let me lie somewhere warm in the glow of a muted Sam Peckinpah film, kids, cause all I want right now is the final credits.
Outside my dressing room door is a pair of genetically enhanced birds of paradise, six feet tall with tits you could serve a buffet lunch on and skin that pious men have wept over, started wars over. At the Taj Mahal, you walk to the ring with showgirls, kids, fucking showgirls in max volume glitter gear fishnets and marabou headdresses that would make a Fire Island queen fall off her platform heels with envy.
Taro the Hunchback is taping my hands and muttering in Chinese and my vision has narrowed to the pre-fight numbness, that tunnel of resignation and impatience. The room is strangely quiet, metallic and cold.
I'm cold. I'm old. Whatever.
And then my manager JD sticks his head in, "Zach, there's a chic out here, says she's a friend of yours..." and before I can tell him that I got no friends in Atlantic City, Gabrielle DesBarros slithers in past him and the room ignites in the purple fire of her malice.
"You motherfucker!" she vomits as JD realizes his mistake and tries to yank her back out the door. I put up a half-taped hand to stop him, which irritates Taro the Hunchback no end, and Gabrielle marches over to me and smacks me hard across the mouth. It feels cool and slightly sweet, like lavender. Taro the Hunchback chuckles.
But getting beat on is part of the game here and I don't really care who does it so I just sit there while she screeches at me, her sculpted mouth exactly as perfect as I remember. "I hope that slut you live with knows what she's getting into, you fuck." And her collarbone moves in that sinuous way beneath her skin, like a serpent under silk. "I'm gonna be in the front row tonight and I'm gonna watch Urashima grind you into fucking cookie dough and I'm gonna laugh." And she turns and struts back to the door, her waist so small and delicate that JD's eyebrows go up appreciatively. She turns for one last perfectly placed jab, no doubt well thought out ahead of time: "Dick!" And she's gone in a puff of Kiehl's.
And in the stunned silence that follows, JD can't resist, "Nicely handled, Twink. I hope you're as lightening quick in your next bout."
I try not to let him see me sigh.
But Taro the Hunchback bellows in thickly accented English and once again we're alone as he globs the grease on my face, smearing it over my eyebrows so gently that it's almost tender. I bear this feigned kindness with a clenched jaw until after a long silence I stop him with a hand and say, "I'm not gonna win tonight, am I?"
It's not really a question I expect an answer to. It's not really a question at all.
Taro the Hunchback thinks for a long moment and then says rather more directly than I would have expected, "What does 'win' mean to a guy like you?" And I smile at this non-answer.
My therapist says that Percival lost the grail because he didn't recognize it for what it was, didn't see how important a thing he had, so he squandered it. But that conversation was like a million years ago, cause now I've left the showgirls behind and I'm in the ring and face to face with Urashima and as we touch gloves in salute my brain is screeching with the seething crowd and strobing spotlights and I aint looking forward to my second beating of the night but there it is.
I see her right when the bell goes, true to her promise, front fucking row; glowing like this whole mess is a movie scene in which she's starring. And I gotta remind myself to keep my damn eyes in the ring, that there's a giant Japanese knockdown fighter with blistering fast hands that wants to fold me into thirds before the night is done, so I better gather my thoughts, weak as they are.
Urashima, on the other hand, aint got time for my theatrical emotional misgivings, and he let's me know by kicking me in the xiphoid, and following with a classic left right left that sends me right to my knees. I see the red splatter hit the mat before I realize that it's mine and that I've given him my back and he moves for the rear choke; but I don't want to disappoint the little minx in the front row by letting it all end too soon, so I roll to bah ji mah to guard him out. He steps back, not willing to take the shots necessary to slip the guard, pussy.
And I'm tryin to figure it out: Percival I mean. He lost the grail; he lost his faith and wound up in the wasteland, and wondered till he found it again... But something about that aint right, and I can't put my bloody, callused finger on it...
So I stand my battered shit up, and my eyes dart to Gabrielle, now on her feet in an S & M version of cheerleader exuberance, the assisted red of her hair blazing in neon fuck-me tendrils. My focus is scattered like an MTV squeemy music dance-a-thon remix, and once again I'm getting driven back to the ropes by a series of rapid fire hammers to my beak, but it's not till my eye opens up that I come back to the present, so I slip right and hook his floating rib so fucking sharp that I feel bad for him three weeks from now, crane his head and pec toi his leading leg to send him into the mat. But when I drop a knee, the squirly fucker is so quick that I end up face down in a reverse cradle so mad brutal, my brothers, that your spine should ache just reading this, and I can't fucking move an inch.
And there it is. 45 seconds into it, he's got me in the lock, and I can either tap out, or he'll dislocate my hip; and all pessimism aside, I had banked on at least walking onto the plane tomorrow, and a popped out hip would seriously monkey up those plans, unambitious as they are.
The universe being a mean ass bastard, I've landed facing Gabrielle, and while I can hear JD behind me in my corner screaming frenzied psycho, I watch as laughter wriggles across her face like spiders on the wainscoting, the cruelty of her joy matched only by the fire in my fucking leg as Urashima's shin slowly pushes my thighbone out of its socket. But the hold I'm in only works on my limbs, cause my brain is going a million miles an hour: he was in the wasteland, poor little guy, wandering farther and farther from his faith, his king, his love...
The ref is on his knees, his face inches from mine as he waits for me to tap out, and even though I can't see Urashima, I can feel him pause confused, people usually give by now, right? We can both feel the fascia tearing as my femoral head grinds against the outside of my pelvis on its way to Timbuktu, and he's a little baffled by my hesitance.
Gabrielle however is clutching her throat, she's holding her breath and her grin is slowly turning scary, creepy scary, pedophile clown creepy scary as she can't decide how she feels about what she's seeing. Chics like that man, I'll never understand. Isn't this what she wanted: to see my face contorted in spasms as I get all mangled to hell? But I guess there's no pleasing some people, and right about then somebody starts screaming and Gabrielle doesn't react well to that and she's looking like she might pass out and then her eyes fill up with water and words tumble out of her mouth but they don't make any sense.
Urashima meanwhile is all doe eyed baffled, cause let's be honest, he's never really had to actually dislocate a hip before and part of me wonders if he's got the sack to pull it off. But whoever is screaming starts to get to me even more than the ripping in my shredded joint and I'm looking around to see who it is for a long time before I realize that it's me.
But here's the fucking gospel, kids, he was in the wasteland, right? And he went down the road and to the left, and there it was, right where he had left it. The grail had been down the road and to the left the whole time, waiting for him to find it again; not hidden, not guarded by dragons or Japanese knockdown fighters, or nubile wenches who steal your soul through the end of your cock. It was just sitting there waiting to be found.
And then, as if to remind me to fucking pay attention, my hip goes.
In the searing white explosion behind my eyes, there's a completely fucked up moment of intense clarity, or perspective, brothers, of calm; and once my thigh rotates out in a sickly unnatural way, it frees my torso and I turn all the way around and fire a roundhouse elbow right across the line of Urashima's jaw, and before I go all loopy from shock, I see his eyes roll like in a cartoon jackpot flicker and I feel the thud in the mat as his big ass collapses down onto it, numb as I wish I was, lucky bitch.
And even though I know it's over, I aint got that sense of finality, of resolution, you know? In the hazy screaming chaos of wails and doctors, JD appears over me, almost ethereal in his paleness, his eyes round and dark like smack spoons burnt by an overzealous junkie.
"Christ, Isaac." He says to me. And I want to tell him that it's okay. As the medics slide the board under my back, I want to comfort him somehow. "I've figured it out," I want to say, "I'm reborn." But I don't, I lie there as they strap me down and lift me up and begin to carry me out of the ring, an exercise in Roman gladiatorial fuckheadery.
But Percival, man, he didn't have to fight anybody. He didn't have to climb a mountain or brave a churning sea; he just walked the fuck in and picked up the grail like it was his all along. And that's the trick, my brothers, it WAS his all along, he just didn't know it.
We go down the stairs, and I dart a look back just for kicks and there she is, doubled over on her knees on the floor, collapsed and sobbing. There's a big shorthair jackfuck sausage crouched over her, petting her hair, clearly confused at the enormity of this emotional outburst. And I think don't worry, man, in 45 minutes she'll be giving you sloppy oral in your 'vette in the parking lot, seeking solace in your possessive narcissism; she loves guys like you and make no mistake: you scored tonight, pal. And while I know it aint my place and hasn't been for a long time, the protective side of me still wants to knock him out for what he'll do to her, cuz you and I both know what he'll do to her, it's the same thing that way back when I did to her, and the protective side of me still wants to knock him out.
And I feel JD's hand on my shoulder as I'm carried down the concrete hall away from the emotionally fragile paying customers; the lights overhead blurring into angelic clouds of hazy agony: my messengers, I think. "How ya doing, Twink?" JD says to me, not looking.
"I got it figured out," I say, gurgling through bloody lips, "I know how he found it." JD keeps walking, his eyes tactfully averted, I think he's dialing his mobile and writing my chatter off to delirium.
"Found what?" he says quietly, then, "Be chill." We walk for a minute longer in thick gooey silence, and after a long black nothing JD nervously asks, "How'd he find it, Zach?" humoring me.
But I can tell that JD wants to know as bad as I do, right? Gabrielle wants to know. We all fucking want to know, and it's ruining us, brothers, kicking our collective asses way better than Urashima ever could. Even though we don't understand the goddamn question, we're all dying to know the answer. How'd he fucking find it again? And it's so clear and simple that I want to laugh, I want to write it down so I won't lose it once my hip is back in and the shock goes away, like a dream upon waking. "Easy," I tell him, "he just stopped looking."
User Reviews
Submitted by orph (user info) at 2008-05-09 11:02:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Brilliant
Submitted by the_lone_stranger (user info) at 2006-07-12 03:34:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2006-07-11 00:12:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
this post makes me want to take the Lord's name in vain.
GOD DAMN THAT WAS GOOD.
I'm sure He'll forgive me.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2006-06-10 03:55:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Istaros (user info) at 2006-03-19 10:26:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
jesus FUCKING christ
there's been a few moments in life when i've read something that Hendrixed me
this is one of them
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-03-19 10:05:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Nothing to add.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-03-13 00:17:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Dear Isaac Bickerstaff,
How in fuck are you not a professional writer?
Love,
Everyone.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-11-25 13:41:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"he just stopped looking."
--------------
People say that so much is become the most foul of clichés; the kind people die in trying to understand because the words have lost their meaning.
I don't know what it means either.
Submitted by Pacifist248 (user info) at 2005-06-29 04:56:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-06-24 23:32:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Does anyone else see why d-prime is a sophmoric idiot?
Submitted by Jeffisland1 (user info) at 2005-06-24 23:14:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That's damn long.
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2005-06-24 22:21:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
As I walk towards the airport, with my first step, I fleetingly remember Kurt Vonnegut's novel from 1947 that starts with the letter B. B, yes. B was my brothers name, and as I take my second step, second, right? Second for twoeth. Two is a number you learn in kindergarden...
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-06-24 18:46:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I think a 1.99 rating is cooler than a 2 anyways - any lucky douche can get a 2, but try getting a 1.99 bitches, that's HARD.
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-05-26 19:58:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm about to read this for the first time...
Submitted by Grownasskid (user info) at 2005-05-25 19:44:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
what everyone else said
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2005-05-25 18:09:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow.
Submitted by EatMeCompletely (user info) at 2005-05-25 17:58:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
How did I miss this?
Submitted by blank_mind (user info) at 2005-05-25 13:54:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I just read this again, yeah it deserves a perfect +2 record but at the end of the day who fucking cares when it's this good.. as he says himself
"I got it figured out," I say, gurgling through bloody lips, "I know how he found it." JD keeps walking, his eyes tactfully averted, I think he's dialing his mobile and writing my chatter off to delirium.
"Found what?" he says quietly, then, "Be chill." We walk for a minute longer in thick gooey silence, and after a long black nothing JD nervously asks, "How'd he find it, Zach?" humoring me.
But I can tell that JD wants to know as bad as I do, right? Gabrielle wants to know. We all fucking want to know, and it's ruining us, brothers, kicking our collective asses way better than Urashima ever could. Even though we don't understand the goddamn question, we're all dying to know the answer. How'd he fucking find it again? And it's so clear and simple that I want to laugh, I want to write it down so I won't lose it once my hip is back in and the shock goes away, like a dream upon waking. "Easy," I tell him, "he just stopped looking."
Submitted by Ivy (user info) at 2005-05-25 06:57:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fucking fantastic. This was amzing. I am literally dumbstruck by your style of writing.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-05-07 11:48:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Everything you ever wanted to know about homeslice
User id: 18675
Registered on or around: 2005-05-04 21:29:55
# Messages posted: 1
# Reviews written: 3
# Times these posts have been reviewed : 10
# Hits: 205
Average rating of all messages: 1.57
2 of his 3 reviews were on his 1 post.
Bartbart - nullify his ratings please, this is the best post ever.
Submitted by Zoidberg (user info) at 2005-05-06 04:09:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
you know he did it on purpose too oh well, not like ratings count for anything
Submitted by Flaahgra (user info) at 2005-05-05 21:53:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
90 reviews and a perfect +2 record, and a well-deserved one at that...then someone goes and sends it all to hell.
Submitted by homeslice (user info) at 2005-05-05 21:37:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
dude this rocks!
Submitted by Mac (user info) at 2005-05-05 09:09:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
very nice.
Submitted by jumpinjellyfish (user info) at 2005-05-04 10:36:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I believe you are the best.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-05-02 05:18:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
very good
Submitted by Smurfs (user info) at 2005-04-22 14:53:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good. Nice to have writers on uber.
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2005-04-19 09:33:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Was sure I'd read this before last years and rated it with its deserved plus2. Thing is that can;t be possible because everyone would have remebered it and minus2'd your ass.
It was still absolutely fucking awesome, maybe this is a series and I hadn't realised and the last one I read was another fight?
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2005-04-19 08:58:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Erm... Wow?
Submitted by Or_ (user info) at 2005-04-17 04:41:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That was awesome.
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2005-04-13 16:21:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
one of the best
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2005-04-13 15:46:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
really really really good.
Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2005-04-12 16:17:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My first bickerstaff read.
...so That's why I keep hearing your name.
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-04-12 02:30:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
JEUCRIHTWASGOD
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-04-10 03:30:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Jesus Christ that was good. Is what that should read.
Well, I feel like a tool.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-04-10 03:28:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
J
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-04-10 03:28:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
E
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-04-10 03:28:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
U
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-04-10 03:28:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
C
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-04-10 03:28:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
R
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-04-10 03:28:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-04-10 03:28:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
H
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-04-10 03:28:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
T
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-04-10 03:27:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
W
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-04-10 03:27:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
A
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-04-10 03:27:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
S
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-04-10 03:27:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
G
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-04-10 03:27:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
O
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-04-10 03:27:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
D
Submitted by Zoidberg (user info) at 2005-04-02 21:47:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
So are you a really big Swift fan or what?
Submitted by quack (user info) at 2005-04-02 19:46:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Quasiplasmohedron (user info) at 2005-03-31 05:00:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This was beyond amazing. I can't even begin to describe what it did for me, but I really needed to read something like this. Thanks.
Submitted by screamfeeder (user info) at 2005-03-30 16:18:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Fresh Values.
Submitted by Wingfoot (user info) at 2005-03-28 10:40:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
definitely good
very definitely good
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-03-24 11:28:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I love the style of this writing
Submitted by Zoidberg (user info) at 2005-03-24 11:23:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Supercords (user info) at 2005-03-23 13:45:48 (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Haha. All hail the redistributive justice of The Bart
Submitted by Adjomak (user info) at 2005-03-24 10:48:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Just... damn
Submitted by Supercords (user info) at 2005-03-23 13:45:48 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-03-22 10:42:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-03-08 11:43:29 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Wiggles (user info) at 2005-03-04 15:59:43 (#)
Ranking: 2
This has got to be Shandy.
___________
Are you fucking serious? This is nothing like bloody Shandy.
Submitted by Thirty_Four_Eggs (user info) at 2005-03-19 10:32:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
ah this was such utter shit.
how the hell is this #2?
why cant i just break the streak?
i dont knwo
Submitted by madddonkey255 (user info) at 2005-03-18 19:46:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Great
Submitted by UrbaneMischief (user info) at 2005-03-16 09:23:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
fucking awesome
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2005-03-13 23:07:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Read it again. Realized it was just as good, if not better, the fourth time around. Wanted to eat your brain in hopes of gaining one tiny iota of your talent. Wondered if you'd be willing to email me. lady.plural.at.gmail.com
Please?
Submitted by RideJohnnyRide (user info) at 2005-03-13 22:53:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
nice
Submitted by Zoidberg (user info) at 2005-03-13 22:32:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
wow
its like a coked up 21st century version of Dashiell Hammett.
gritty and dark, I loved it
this is why Im happy I write creative nonfic, I could never hope to write like this
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-03-08 11:43:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Wiggles (user info) at 2005-03-04 15:59:43 (#)
Ranking: 2
This has got to be Shandy.
___________
Are you fucking serious? This is nothing like bloody Shandy.
Submitted by Jungle_Jimanee (user info) at 2005-03-08 11:00:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
More please.
Submitted by Durae (user info) at 2005-03-08 03:56:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
no way, this can't be shandy.
Submitted by WhoLetYouIn (user info) at 2005-03-04 16:32:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by blank_mind (user info) at 2005-03-04 16:24:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Just plain awesome
Submitted by Wiggles (user info) at 2005-03-04 15:59:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This has got to be Shandy.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2005-03-04 11:32:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Gotta give it another +2.
Submitted by ThineJericho (user info) at 2005-03-04 04:06:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Jesus .. just went back and read all your posts.
Beautiful man, beautiful. Although I have to say I prefered the more recent ones.
Submitted by Banga3386 (user info) at 2005-03-04 03:13:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice
Submitted by Badlands (user info) at 2005-02-22 14:11:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice work.
Submitted by Joemama (user info) at 2005-02-20 02:41:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
And another +2 for not "folding" your
- rank elsewhere, like the rest of
the rookies
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2005-02-19 18:20:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i know you man, the way you roll your tongue and flick it to outsiders without a care in the world. You look like a cat who could handle himself in a knife fight with a tijuanese hooker and a japanese expert in martial arts. Know to slow your roll and keep it locked back cause they always comin.
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2005-02-18 02:21:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Look at this adulation, dude.
Fuck.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-02-16 23:41:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-02-16 05:30:52 (#)
Ranking: 2
Just when I think "He can't do better than this one, he's out of stories and out of luck and out of favor with whatever divine inspiration is working through him" you bring it again.
I remember what blood and sweat and sex taste like when I read your stuff.
**********************
Holy crap that was hot. Is it wrong I thought that was dead sexy?
now i'm thinking dirty thoughts
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-02-16 16:19:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You are one of the finer writers here.
Love you, man.
Submitted by wanderingsharps (user info) at 2005-02-16 15:20:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hungover said to read this-
that it was a real work.
He was right- this is the stuff I want to read in a short story...
I hope you try and get this published- it is an excellent piece
thanks for writing it- joe
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2005-02-16 14:24:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow.
Just Wow.
-Dave
Submitted by engine13 (user info) at 2005-02-16 12:38:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I love this guy. This is fucking fantastic.
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-02-16 12:10:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This made my brain have an orgasm.
Thank you.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-02-16 11:26:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Rock on!!! This was awesome.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-02-16 11:17:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Upon reading it a second time, I have questions.
What is bah ji mah and pec toi? What styles are these from? I am very curious about this.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2005-02-16 11:08:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Mitchapalooza (user info) at 2005-02-16 11:05:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
holy fucking krishna that was good.
Submitted by partisan (user info) at 2005-02-16 10:43:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
A thing of beauty.
Brilliant.
Submitted by Cisco (user info) at 2005-02-16 10:24:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I always look forward to your posts. Your writing is absolutely brilliant.
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2005-02-16 10:23:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
B@W
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-02-16 10:19:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Bickerstaff?
Must read.
OK, read it.
OK, up to par with everything else he's done?
Yep.
That means +100.
Submitted by wookie (user info) at 2005-02-16 08:43:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Fucking awesome, just fucking awesome.
Submitted by BludKake (user info) at 2005-02-16 08:29:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Go get published.
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2005-02-16 08:19:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Kick ass writing!
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2005-02-16 08:18:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Mixed Martial Arts
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2005-02-16 08:18:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
grail references
Submitted by Jay_Bassman (user info) at 2005-02-16 07:38:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuck. You're awesome, man.
Submitted by garyhal (user info) at 2005-02-16 06:59:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Brilliant... fucking brilliant!!
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-02-16 05:30:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Just when I think "He can't do better than this one, he's out of stories and out of luck and out of favor with whatever divine inspiration is working through him" you bring it again.
I remember what blood and sweat and sex taste like when I read your stuff.
Thanks.
Submitted by screamfeeder (user info) at 2005-02-16 04:56:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You know how I feel you fuck.
Submitted by Nie_ein_Engel (user info) at 2005-02-16 02:53:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Whoa.
Submitted by TheJedi (user info) at 2005-02-16 02:20:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked it...
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2005-02-16 02:06:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is so good that it hurt to read.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2005-02-16 02:01:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice.
Submitted by Joemama (user info) at 2005-02-16 02:00:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is by far the best post
I have seen on this site, in
my three month attendance
Submitted by hungovermondays (user info) at 2005-02-16 01:50:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is the best thing I have read on uber...ever.
It's dam good storytelling too.
Thank you, for leaving me this, at the end of my workweek, after shutting down the resturant, hitting the bar with the cook, and finely comming home.
Submitted by alwaysoutnumbered (user info) at 2005-02-16 00:53:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Writers like you are why i continue to come to ubersite. I just say this latest post of yours, and re-read everything you've posted. Damn good job man, you have some stories to tell and by god you tell them well.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-02-16 00:40:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Good Lord. You are all different kinds of awesome. Reading your shit is bittersweet, it's so, SO good, but at the same time it makes me feel like a mewling child.
Nice work.
Submitted by entropy (user info) at 2005-02-16 00:37:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
If this was an orgasm it would be like landing an
8 roper on the tits of every girl youve ever wanted
pure genius
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2005-02-16 00:35:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Perfection.
Submitted by Wiggles (user info) at 2005-02-16 00:31:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Shandy?
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2005-02-16 00:20:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
YES