Monkey fudgeness reveloadelutions (742 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.88 on 9 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Squijee <geoffrstone.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2005-02-16 07:33:37 EST
Sometimes when I ask a girl out, she replies with 'Sorry, you're not my type.' I don't understand that. I'm not her type of what? That's why when I am viciously rejecting a girl, I like to make sure she has the necessary information. 'I am sorry female person, but you are not my type...of species.' To improve the effect, I then lick an iguana.
I remember Etch-A-Sketches. They were cool, but they slowly diminished in popularity. Why? Was it because of increases in technology resulting in bigger and better toys? No. It was because you COULDN'T DRAW DECENT FUCKING DIAGONAL LINES.
I think blind people make it harder for themselves by wearing sunglasses. If ever their vision returned, even slightly, they wouldn't know because they would still be seeing black. That's why if I were blind, I would wear binoculars.
I was at my local supermarket, and they were giving out free samples of toothpicks, but I just thought they had run out of meat so I did not take one.
On my deodorant can, it tells me to hold the can 20cm away from my body in an upright position, and spray for 2 seconds. I held it 15cm away and sprayed for 3. No-one has said a thing.
One of the reasons people give for the beauty of snowflakes is that no two are perfectly identical. No two anything are perfectly identical. I have never seen two perfectly identical piles of dog shit, and I'll be running when that starts falling out of the sky.
People ask me if I've put on weight. I say 'Yes. I used to be 2kg, now I am 84kg. It is one of the many benefits of not being a stillborn.'
That last one was rude. Let this good-natured tooth fairy appease your resultant anger.
http://www.costumesinc.com/Costumes/images/33014-std.jpg (0 bytes) [application/octet-stream]
User Reviews
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-05-14 02:28:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/66233#1324693
reminds me of steven wright.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2005-04-19 19:22:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Some of these need to be in a stand-up comedian act. - One of the stoner comedians that is always on Comedy Central.
Submitted by Ananse (user info) at 2005-04-19 19:00:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good stuff.
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2005-02-16 10:51:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It is one of the many benefits of not being a stillborn.'
this made the post, fuxcking A+ homes
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-02-16 08:28:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"I remember Etch-A-Sketches. They were cool, but they slowly diminished in popularity. Why? Was it because of increases in technology resulting in bigger and better toys? No. It was because you COULDN'T DRAW DECENT FUCKING DIAGONAL LINES."
I mastered the diagonal line on the etchasketch. It involved flicking the controls with your fingernails alternately. Eventually though they started going down too much. I think it was because my right hand flick was stronger than my left hand flick.
That's it, I'm going to bed. I almost mispelled "right hand" as "writehand".
Submitted by BigCore (user info) at 2005-02-16 07:59:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
To improve the effect, I then lick an iguana.
You win, good sir.
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2005-02-16 07:42:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
People ask me if I've put on weight. I say 'Yes. I used to be 2kg, now I am 84kg. It is one of the many benefits of not being a stillborn.'
My boss is looking at me funny now.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-02-16 07:34:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That's why if I were blind, I would wear binoculars. """
That made me laugh out loud.
Submitted by Squijee (user info) at 2005-02-16 07:34:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Umm, yes. That picture did not come up because...ummm...tooth-fairies can't be seen by humans. Yeah, that's it. It is not at all that I am a failure as a human being and thus cannot post a picture.