Can't go home again (1977 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: crap:fiction
Rating: 1.87 on 96 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Circe <fickle.muse.at.gmail.com> (View user info) at 2005-02-16 07:34:59 EST
There was a place I went to, when I was a kid. We just called it Brown's Pool. It was an irrigation system, at the back of a farm on the other side of the railway tracks. We lived nestled between the ocean and the Darling Scarp; we had the protective mountains behind us and the infinite possibilities of the sea before us. I don't why we thought of it that way. Don't know why we never thought we were facing the hills. It was always the ocean. But, you know... if the ocean got to rough, we could always go back to the cool shadow and steady protective presence of those hills. Maybe that was it. Maybe that's why I think the way I do; venturing forth, only to run back and hide when it gets too hard. Maybe all of us from that small tainted town think that way.
If I ever see any of that old crowd, I'll ask them. Somehow though, I don't think our paths are going to cross again. That place is our shame. Went to a school reunion a year back. We stood around, drinking high priced mixers and looking at each other and trying to see the kids we were under the lines and fat and brittle smiles of the adults we've become. I don't know how most school reunions are, but ours was like the meeting of strangers. We didn't talk about school, about that place, about who we were. We discussed the Now, and left feeling dirty and sick.
When I have to drive through, I drive through that town with my windows up. I think there's something not quite right in the air.
There was a place we went to when we were kids. We called it Brown's Pool. It was a system of locks and waterfalls and dams. We'd swim and smoke illicit cigarettes and even more illicit pot. Leaf and tip, but fuck we thought we were hardcore. We'd flirt... that tentative first step towards learning the intricacies of the human mating ritual. We didn't know were tainted; we weren't, then.
It was slow, subtle... veiled. It was a delicate little dance of rot and decay. Kristy fell into the water and hit her head on a submerged rock, and Aaron got fucked over by a stray dog down there.
Ray was the brightest of us, always. Not bright in the same way as me and Daniel - he couldn't read a book all the way through to save his life and math was well beyond him - but bright. Clever.
He was the first to say the place had gone sour, and he stopped coming down with the rest of us. We kept it up - the freedom was too heady to give away so easily - and it all went a little wronger. Little shit like bee stings and bull ants, big things like almost drowning, fistfights, being shot at by a culler out for roos. It was just wrong.
The new kid was down there one afternoon. He was throwing rocks into the water and we got there in time to see him fall.
No.
We got there in time to see him pushed.
His gut and hips flew forward, feet dragging in the dirt, head back. He was shoved forward and he fell into the wooden stops and he had time for one yell and that was about it and when we ran ran ran over to see he was lying half in the water with blood around his head and he smelled dead.
And to this day I don't know which of us said "He didn't belong here." It might even have been me.
We nodded, all of us, nodded and agreed silently because he wasn't born here in the shadow of the Scarp and he didn't learn to swim in the roar of the Indian Ocean and he wasn't welcome and we left that day, left his bleeding brokenness sprawled on the wood, left and didn't go back and I
I wonder
if kids still go down there.
They found him a few days later. A farmer came by, checking the stops, and found the new kid being gnawed on by a dog.
"Were you kids there that day?"
"No."
They knew we were lying but they were born in that rotting little canker sore too and they never called us on it.
If you go through there, wind your windows up and don't breathe too deep.
Something's in the air down there.
User Reviews
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2005-02-24 03:02:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
If Tim Winton rewrote "The Water Tower" he probably wouldn't get 95 reviews. Your boobs hava given you considerable advantages in this club.
Submitted by Rawrg (user info) at 2005-02-24 02:21:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by TheMidnight12AM (user info) at 2005-02-24 00:12:40 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2005-02-23 07:52:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This plus two is because you know I love you.
Now....I liked this story but I would have liked it better if the grammar and flow had been better. Nowadays, anybody who writes about kids and the scary stuff they have to go through gets compared to Stephen King. This was particularly "IT" like. I liked the fact that you created the "presence" without an actual manifestation of a physical being. There is nothing more terrifying than the unknown. What's even more terrifying is that children are so willing to accept the unknown.
You needed to proof this better honey, but the story was smashing, baby.
Submitted by Faithless_Whisper (user info) at 2005-02-21 13:27:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Last I knew 0 meant "worth reading." It wasn't meant as retaliantion, sorry you took it was such.
Submitted by Faithless_Whisper (user info) at 2005-02-21 12:11:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You can tell a place goes bad....because the dogs come and eat people.
Submitted by DonovanMD (user info) at 2005-02-20 18:32:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Socialist_Joe (user info) at 2005-02-18 05:55:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2005-02-18 05:38:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sweheheheheheheeeeet.
Submitted by StonedSilly (user info) at 2005-02-17 23:22:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Very nostalgic.
Excellent.
Submitted by Natsukau (user info) at 2005-02-17 23:13:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Fucker probably deserved it.
Submitted by jumpinjellyfish (user info) at 2005-02-17 16:57:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is very well written...Stephen King(ish).
Submitted by thaumaturge (user info) at 2005-02-17 11:18:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You can write AND bring to the world the joy of nude form? DAMN!!
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-02-17 07:29:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuckin-ay-right. What Jedi said.
Submitted by TheJedi (user info) at 2005-02-17 05:49:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Also, I wish Uber was more about work like this rather than hate posts and racial bickering.
Submitted by TheJedi (user info) at 2005-02-17 05:44:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Cooool... I like the way its understated... Reminds me a little of Peter Straub...
Submitted by Creepy_guy (user info) at 2005-02-17 01:57:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Excellent.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-02-16 23:48:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Great. Now I have ANOTHER writer to add to my "must-read-everything-they-do" list. What the fuck Circe. You think I HAVE that kinda time??
mumble-mutter-awesome-grumble
Submitted by Shizae (user info) at 2005-02-16 23:28:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2005-02-16 23:08:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
some good vivid stuff in here
Submitted by tinactin (user info) at 2005-02-16 21:32:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
But if we're ever in the dessert together, feel free to eat my nuts
Submitted by tinactin (user info) at 2005-02-16 21:32:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
If we're ever trapped in the desert together, feel free to drink my blood to survive.
Submitted by Tigre (user info) at 2005-02-16 20:26:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
THAT WAS MY LITTLE BROTHER YOU FUCK!
Submitted by Wiggles (user info) at 2005-02-16 20:23:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No tits?
Submitted by Durae (user info) at 2005-02-16 20:11:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
kinda reminds me of the way i feel about my town. except the only people that ever died were redneck kids who couldn't drive their snowmobiles. okay, now i feel guilty for saying that. poor things.
Submitted by AlwaysAnEagle (user info) at 2005-02-16 16:38:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
My GOD that was awesome.
Submitted by screamfeeder (user info) at 2005-02-16 16:19:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This sounds like a case for Mulder and Scully.
Dodododo.....dodododo.....dooooooeeeooooeeeoooeeeooooeee.....dodododo
Submitted by epiphany (user info) at 2005-02-16 15:19:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sexy. Gave me an "IT" feel. Keep up the stellar work.
Submitted by wanderingsharps (user info) at 2005-02-16 15:11:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
nice...
I am a fan of wirting that is more vague than direct...
TV scewed writing, people need everything spelled otu for them
nowadays.
Monroe wrote some good stuff like this- his tales of horror and the supernatural sits in
my small bookcase.
I like the line about the taint.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-02-16 15:03:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
you are awesome
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2005-02-16 14:57:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Yep, you're definitely my favorite.
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2005-02-16 14:39:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2005-02-16 12:29:25 (#)
Ranking: 2
This is excellent. the only way it could be more excellent would be if you said you write this tuff naked.
=====================================
Preferably naked and in my lap.
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2005-02-16 14:26:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I want to be your third husband.
Submitted by satchel (user info) at 2005-02-16 13:23:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Wonderfully atmospheric.
Submitted by ruthless (user info) at 2005-02-16 13:11:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Fantastic.
Submitted by engine13 (user info) at 2005-02-16 13:09:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Damn Circe, this was great.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-02-16 12:39:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ok, I gave this a second reading, and I can say with some certainty that I was right about you having a lot of talent.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2005-02-16 12:29:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is excellent. the only way it could be more excellent would be if you said you write this tuff naked.
Submitted by tidalfae (user info) at 2005-02-16 11:59:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
you just made my day a little creepier
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2005-02-16 11:43:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Love.
LOVE!
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2005-02-16 11:15:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Gave me chills.
Submitted by Stin (user info) at 2005-02-16 11:05:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by 1Point21Gigawatts (user info) at 2005-02-16 11:03:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
My friend used to say "They say you can never go home again. I've found this especially true when you've killed your family and burned your house to the ground."
I always liked that one.
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2005-02-16 10:53:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-02-16 10:25:53 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-02-16 10:20:41 (#)
Ranking: 0
Ashlee - nothing. He was pushed. But the narrator saw nothing pushing him.
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2005-02-16 10:19:38 (#)
Ranking: 2
I can't beleive nobody has asked yet - who pushed him?
---------------------
You shouldn't have answered that. :P
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2005-02-16 10:52:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ohh.
I loved it.
Looks like the pond has a strict admittance code.
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2005-02-16 10:43:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
In my town, I always got to be the kid who was pushed.
Submitted by JohnGalt (user info) at 2005-02-16 10:32:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-02-16 10:26:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oops.....fucking meaningless ratings...
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-02-16 10:25:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-02-16 10:20:41 (#)
Ranking: 0
Ashlee - nothing. He was pushed. But the narrator saw nothing pushing him.
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2005-02-16 10:19:38 (#)
Ranking: 2
I can't beleive nobody has asked yet - who pushed him?
---------------------
You shouldn't have answered that. :P
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2005-02-16 10:21:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I can't go home either. Its infested with rabid cows.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-02-16 10:20:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Ashlee - nothing. He was pushed. But the narrator saw nothing pushing him.
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2005-02-16 10:19:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I can't beleive nobody has asked yet - who pushed him?
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-02-16 10:19:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"I am really not one to judge because I do the same thing anymore, but I would urge you to take your writing more seriously... It is your ticket to the greater world, and, besides your children, your greatest gift to it."
Dude...leave the new age shit. That was bad.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-02-16 10:14:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by MickGinny (user info) at 2005-02-16 10:12:41 (#)
Ranking: 0
show us yer teets!
________
See, ETS?
My point.
Talent my ass. Don't get up me about wasting my 'talent'.
Boob pics and smutty jokes, and for god's sake, bitch, stay in the kitchen.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-02-16 10:13:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-02-16 10:09:01 (#)
Ranking: 1
This could easily have been expanded into a larger work. I think someone with your talent should consider creating more than just slapdash stories. Don't get me wrong, this is good. But it feels like something you wrote in about 30 minutes to an hour directly in the submit window and gave little thought to the overall piece.
_________
Talent? Dude, where have you been? I post boob pics. Talent, indeed.
Submitted by MickGinny (user info) at 2005-02-16 10:12:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
show us yer teets!
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-02-16 10:12:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Have another +2 for my stupidly worded review.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-02-16 10:10:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sorry to kill your perfect 2.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-02-16 10:09:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Good...
There were places where the style in the narrator's fluctuated a little too much, namely in the paragraph where you start talking about pot smoking and such. It's like the narrator briefly falls from the tower of disconnected observation briefly, and that was slightly off-putting. The narrator of this story should be one of nostalgic musement and supressed guilt, and being as it is a memory of things past, the voice of the narrator should not change.
This could easily have been expanded into a larger work. I think someone with your talent should consider creating more than just slapdash stories. Don't get me wrong, this is good. But it feels like something you wrote in about 30 minutes to an hour directly in the submit window and gave little thought to the overall piece.
I am really not one to judge because I do the same thing anymore, but I would urge you to take your writing more seriously... It is your ticket to the greater world, and, besides your children, your greatest gift to it.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-02-16 10:05:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-02-16 09:50:51 (#)
Ranking: 2
Now ask him if I can do you.
_____________
I would, but... I'm afraid he'll say yes...
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-02-16 10:04:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You mean it wasn't one of mine? That's peculiar.
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2005-02-16 09:56:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You are a bad ass Circe.
And I wanted you to know that yours was the first post I read on this site.
It was the thing that got me interested in this place we call Uber.
Thank you.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-02-16 09:55:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
...........
PLUS
FUCKING
TWO
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-02-16 09:50:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Thanks for checking with him.
Now ask him if I can do you.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-02-16 09:42:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Murderer?
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-02-16 09:34:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-02-16 09:22:35 (#)
Ranking: 2
Do you give head as well as you write? Just curious.
___________________
I thought that was such a good question, I just asked my fiance. His reply was:
"She gives head even better than she writes, but isn't as literate when doing so."
Submitted by lojope (user info) at 2005-02-16 09:31:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
um...
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2005-02-16 09:25:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
*phew - wiping beads of perspiration off brow* Oh, I wasn't scared, oh-no. It's just hot is all, out on the patio, we sit, you know, all that stuff..
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-02-16 09:22:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I really think this is just a +1 but I'm getting kind of sick of everyone screaming at me about "breaking streaks".
Do you give head as well as you write? Just curious.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-02-16 09:15:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
DangerRanger - The setting, the people, me, and that awful taint are all fact. It just never reached that climax.
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2005-02-16 09:12:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
And it's fiction of course... isn't it?
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-02-16 09:07:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You are so awesome!
Speechless I am.
Submitted by wookie (user info) at 2005-02-16 09:00:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-02-16 08:35:40 (#)
Ranking: 0
wookie - I never read that one. I'll look out for it.
________________________________________
Greasy Lake is one of his short stories; I'm not sure what collection it appears in. All of his novels are highly recommended, especially World's End and Budding Prospects.
Submitted by daveybwoy (user info) at 2005-02-16 08:58:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Brilliant
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2005-02-16 08:56:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Badlands (user info) at 2005-02-16 08:48:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Excellent.
Submitted by InsoManiac (user info) at 2005-02-16 08:45:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome.
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-02-16 08:43:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Chilling...gave me the creeps.
You rock.
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2005-02-16 08:40:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Haunting.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-02-16 08:35:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
wookie - I never read that one. I'll look out for it.
Submitted by wookie (user info) at 2005-02-16 08:34:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Kind of reminds me of "Greasy Lake" by T. Coraghessan Boyle.
That's definitely a good thing.
Submitted by EbolaMay (user info) at 2005-02-16 08:31:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Typical of evil children that grow up to be broken evil fat fucks.
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2005-02-16 08:18:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
oooh wow, that was creepy
Submitted by BludKake (user info) at 2005-02-16 08:18:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Poetry.
Submitted by Millie_Grace (user info) at 2005-02-16 08:11:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
brilliant
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-02-16 08:08:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
What, did you lock yourself out?
Submitted by funk_boy (user info) at 2005-02-16 08:01:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
good god goodness
Submitted by Soley_Trinity (user info) at 2005-02-16 07:51:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Rawrg (user info) at 2005-02-16 07:51:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow... this started off slowly, but the ending was perfect.
Submitted by BigCore (user info) at 2005-02-16 07:49:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Freaky as all hell.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-02-16 07:48:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Well, well, well.
Dandy.
Submitted by precision (user info) at 2005-02-16 07:48:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-02-16 07:47:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm am going to wash the horror off now.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-02-16 07:46:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I like.
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2005-02-16 07:45:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
She may be fickle, but when she wants to show herself she really does a fine job...
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2005-02-16 07:40:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
...I'm speechless.