Women are Odd Part 2. (992 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 1.7 on 13 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Grin (View user info) at 2005-02-16 15:08:29 EST
A continuation of Women are Odd http://www.ubersite.com/m/59624 here are more women that lack the intelegence that God gave shit.
Christina:
So on the internet I meet this girl, and after some idle chit-chat she comes up with the idea to meet. I'd like to repeat that; SHE came up with the idea. I've learned to demand a photo when this happens, and she sends one my way. I'd rank her around a 6. Kinda chubby, but not fat. Shoulder length borwn hair, kinda cute. I figure, what the hell? I'm new in town. So we meet in front of the Public Gardens (a local park)and we take a walk through there and down to the water front.
We stand there on the water front and she turns to me and says "you're the sweetest guy I've ever met." Let me hear you now; Awwwwwwwwwww. So we kiss, but she forcibly pushes me off when she thinks people are approaching, saying she's not into PDA.
I want to pause right here. I'm not a fan of groping and making out in the public eye, but what's wrong with a little kissing?
Anyway, we decide to head back to her dorm (She was in college, I wasn't) and along the way, she introduces me to some of her friends as her boyfriend. I'd like to remind you that this was our FIRST date. Off to her place then. And that's when the fucking started.
Shooting my load, and staying for some obligatory post-sex cuddles, I get up to leave when she begs (and I do mean literally) me to spend the night. On a single bed. With a woman who already takes up most of it.
"Sorry, but I have to go and feed my cat." Sounds dumb, but it worked.
The very next day, I was moving in to my new apartment and just got back from a shopping trip to pick up a few things for my place when I get a call on my cell. Christina called to break up with me because I'M moving too fast.
Let's review.
Girl's idea to meet + girl initiates kiss + girl introduces you on first date as boyfriend + girl's idea to fuck + girl begs me to spend the night = Man moving too fast.
Must be the new math.
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Cathy:
A while back I was on the dating site Lavalife when I decided to start talking to this girl.
"Hi."
"Hi. lol."
"I'm Josh."
"Okay. lol."
"And do you have a name?"
"Yup. lol." (Need I mention how much I'm begining to hate "lol"?)
"Well may I HAVE the name?"
"Cathy. lol."
"Nice to meet you, Cathy. So, what do you do?"
"I teach. lol."
"Oh? What do you teach?"
"Elementary. lol."
I'm going to skip ahead a bit here. Blah blah blah interests, blah blah blah favourite colour, blah blah blah why are you on Lavalife...
"So would it be okay if I saw a picture of you?" (I asked this ONCE!)
"OMG! You're pushy!"
"...Pardon?"
"Asking me for a pic like that! OMG! What are you, a wife beater?"
"I hardly think that's a fair assumption. I sked for a photo just once. And to be fair, I sent you one of me."
"OMG! Do you like beat your girlfriends?"
Block.
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Angela:
Oh where do I begin? I was living in a small town when I dated her and she was part of the Black community (all five of them). She came up with some very interesting comments during sex.
"Is this all that matters to you?" Um, wasn't this YOUR idea?
"Does it bother you I'm Black?" Does it LOOK like I'm bothered?
"I think you don't like that I'm Black." I don't have a racist bone in my body.
Me, while pausing a DVD as I leave for the bathroom. "And we pause on the image of the angry looking black guy with a popsicle."
"I'll pretend I didn't hear that."
"But...there's an angry looking Black man with a popsicle on the screen."
Who REALLY has the racial problem here?
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That'll do for now.
User Reviews
Submitted by Kakashi-Sensei (user info) at 2005-02-16 19:48:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Great stuff. Women (I won't say all, but...) are absolutely fucking bonkers most of the time. And before I get flamed for saying that, let's just say I've seen a bit of what this guy is talking about.
Submitted by Wazza (user info) at 2005-02-16 16:21:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Yep, they get like that at times<
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2005-02-16 16:08:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
satisfyingly depressing
Submitted by bossk (user info) at 2005-02-16 15:52:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Grin (user info) at 2005-02-16 15:42:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2005-02-16 15:37:33 (#)
Ranking: 1
Let me correct the equation for you:
Girl's idea to meet
+ girl initiates kiss
+ girl introduces you on first date as boyfriend
+ girl's idea to fuck
+ girl begs me to spend the night
+ Man moving too fast
-------------------------------
= Man's penis is too small
I'm sorry.
********************************************
You're forgiven.
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2005-02-16 15:37:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Let me correct the equation for you:
Girl's idea to meet
+ girl initiates kiss
+ girl introduces you on first date as boyfriend
+ girl's idea to fuck
+ girl begs me to spend the night
+ Man moving too fast
-------------------------------
= Man's penis is too small
I'm sorry.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-02-16 15:34:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
the first girl was hilarious
Submitted by tech-junkie (user info) at 2005-02-16 15:34:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/59624
I really liked that last one (Laura). I can totally relate to that. Give me a jingle on AIM pandemonium234. We'll talk more.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-02-16 15:29:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hahaha stupid girls
Submitted by tech-junkie (user info) at 2005-02-16 15:26:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Linkwhore for me too!
http://www.ubersite.com/m/54693
Submitted by MrWillard (user info) at 2005-02-16 15:25:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is great.
Linkwhore: http://www.ubersite.com/m/59196
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-02-16 15:20:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Me, while pausing a DVD as I leave for the bathroom. "And we pause on the image of the angry looking black guy with a popsicle."
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AAAAAAH HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHA!
This is hilarious.
Submitted by tech-junkie (user info) at 2005-02-16 15:19:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Women are crazy.