So, I've got poison ivy on my genitals. How's your day? (1330 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.43 on 24 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Jack-ass Frost "Well........ fuck." (View user info) at 2005-02-16 17:16:46 EST
Ok so yeah. I have poison ivy on my nuts.
I live in a small town just outside the city I work in. I live here mainly for the cheap prices of living and the fact that I am secluded from to many eyes. The place I live in is a small house, nothing too big but nothing too small either. It's surrounded by trees and plants of the like. Naturally the switching from winter to spring brings fucking poison ivy.
Let me tell you the way of how I believe I got the shit. I walked outside to start my car before I left for work to warm it up. It is still a little cold outside in the mornings and my car is a piece of shit so it has to get warmed up. I normally walk out in my boxers and nothing else on.
I hardly ever weed-whack beside my house so the path to my car had lots of weeds sticking out. My legs brushed by these and I didn't think anything of it. Until now of course.
That's where the shit started. I had it on my legs so naturally I scratched it. I figured it was a bug bite or something. Then the shit started spreading. It went all up my leg as I continued to scratch. By now you must have figured out what the deal is. "You must have scratched your leg then took a piss." Damn you catch on quickly.
So now my nuts and dick are red with sores all over them.
Needless to say I am deprived of sex from this. This is a large problem. So I have scheduled an appointment with my doctor and am going to get a shot for this shit so it will go away.
Do you recommend anything so I can stop from scratching the shit?
Fuck nature.
User Reviews
Submitted by UrbaneMischief (user info) at 2005-02-17 15:20:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
hehehehe poor baby
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-02-17 10:57:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sucks to be you
Wash really good with soap and water. Only the topical oil can spread it around. After you have washed all the oil off you can't spread it around no matter how much you scratch.
Go to the liquor store and buy a bottle of Jagermeister (The big one)
Drink it
When you wake up three days later you'll be so hung over you'll have forgotten all about it
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-02-17 10:39:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
See what you can do about getting a hot nurse to stand-by and scratch them for you.
That's all I got.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-02-17 10:26:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
3 jars of mustard, and a whore from cleveland should do the job.
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2005-02-17 10:25:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
"Naturally the switching from winter to spring brings fucking poison ivy"
That would explain why your genitals are affected.
Submitted by fluoxetinehydrochloride (user info) at 2005-02-17 10:16:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Jack,
This might sound odd, but I am from the south and my grandmother used to
put oatmeal on my brother and I when we were kids with poision ivy and this has always worked.
Put wet oatmeal on it and let it dry up. It dries up the fluid from the
scratched sores. It really helps the itching stop and then apply the lotion.
Submitted by Mitchapalooza (user info) at 2005-02-17 07:30:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
sure.. real simple solution.
keep scratching until you're raw, then scratch your eyes, mouth, ears and anus.
You'll be amazed how quickly your balls will be the least of your problems.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2005-02-17 02:56:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Tigre (user info) at 2005-02-16 18:23:41 (#)
Ranking: 2
I love being immune to poison ivy, poison oak, and sumack. But I feel for you.
______________________________________
I'm the same way. I can roll around in the shit and not get it. Plus two for never knowing your pain.
Submitted by Joemama (user info) at 2005-02-17 01:02:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Make a paste out of laundry detergent and apply generously
Submitted by Shizae (user info) at 2005-02-16 22:35:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Damn my nuts itch.jpg
Submitted by yermom (user info) at 2005-02-16 20:30:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
been there before dude, and no, nothing really helps
Submitted by Saxon (user info) at 2005-02-16 20:21:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Calamine Lotion and if that doesnt work pee on an electric fence that will take your mind off the itch for a while.
Submitted by HenryV1598 (user info) at 2005-02-16 18:36:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Plus two because, man, I feel for you. Nature sucks.
Submitted by Tigre (user info) at 2005-02-16 18:23:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I love being immune to poison ivy, poison oak, and sumack. But I feel for you.
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2005-02-16 18:15:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Benadryl and lots of it. This reminds me of a story of one of my husban's friends.
Sittin' at a Buffalo Wild Wings drinking beers and eating wings that
should have spontaneously combusted.
He got up to use the john and forgot to wash his hands first.
You should have heard the screaming.
Submitted by BrittInToledo (user info) at 2005-02-16 18:09:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Try Benadryl gel, it's what we recommend from the pharmacy. There's also a really expensive ($40!)cream that supposedly works immeditaely called Zanfel, but it just washes away the oil and it still takes awhile to take away the bumps. So use Benadryl gel, or take Benadryl capsules.
Submitted by DJMattB241 (user info) at 2005-02-16 18:04:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
quit rubbing your nuts on foliage.
sorry... i couldnt help it. Sorry for that man... hope everything gets better soon.
Submitted by wire (user info) at 2005-02-16 18:02:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 because I had poison ivy on my balls last year during school exams. I have never felt anything worse, and I wanted to kill myself or cut off my nuts. Get some calomine lotion and carry it whereever you go. I think i put it on 5 or so times a day. Castration is not the answer.
Submitted by Monarch (user info) at 2005-02-16 17:55:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Johnathan_Brains (user info) at 2005-02-16 17:25:06 (#)
Ranking: -1
There wasn't much to this.
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Big fucking surprise. This Ubersite, not a 5000-word term paper.
I laughed at your misfortune Frost. +2 for you. I hope it somehow eases the horrible itching on your cocknballs.
Submitted by hcp28 (user info) at 2005-02-16 17:47:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Chamoline lotion. Is that how it's spelled? It's pink and soothing.
Submitted by matnotharry (user info) at 2005-02-16 17:41:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
try de-weeding once in a while
Submitted by Jarvis (user info) at 2005-02-16 17:26:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
If my cousin just gets near poison ivy he'll break out. I suggest you get some diesel and pour it all over the vines.
Submitted by Mr.JackassFrost (user info) at 2005-02-16 17:26:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I know, Mr. Brains, the point was to ask if there was some shit I could put on this to make it stop itching.
Submitted by Johnathan_Brains (user info) at 2005-02-16 17:25:06 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
There wasn't much to this.