The Metro train to Branch Ave. and Black Shamu (709 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 1.44 on 15 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by HZRD (View user info) at 2005-02-17 10:06:19 EST
Lady, I'm fucking late again, move your fat ass and your fucking kid so I won't miss my train. It's not your fault, no it's not: I spent 45 minutes on the shitter this morning coping with diarrhea from that damn Chinese food my girlfriend ordered last night. It's not my fault I slept on the couch for the majority of the night because I was thinking about my shitty life in bed. It wasn't your fault I looked for my keys for ten minutes that were underneath the bed against the wall.
But if you don't yank that fucking kid to the slow side of this giant escalator, I will sew your fat asshole shut and feed you until your insides explode and I will sell your ugly, obese little boy into sex slavery.
I could hear my Metro train coming to a stop. "Excuse me, can you please move?"
"Fuck you, nigga!" the obviously young black mother screamed while flipping me the bird. Nice, I love being called a racial slur that doesn't even make sense and arguing about escalator space when there's no time.
Even though I was burning inside, I kept it cool, motioning to the platform as my train rolled up. "Ma'am, this is my train."
"I don't fuckin' care, you stupid motherfucker! I ain't movin' for no white man. The fuck you think I am? Rosa Parks? I. AIN'T. MOVIN!!!"
"This is my train. Could you please move your son over so I can pass?" Good, we were almost all the way down. I could now drop this futile argument that had everyone on the platform and the people in my train staring at the both of us. I could run past her and her fat son and still make it and not be late today.
"I ain't movin' shit! I'm standin right here at the bottom so's your cracka ass can't pass!" She shook her head and he pointer finger as she said this, her wormy red weave almost coming undone. "Fuck you! FUCK YOU NIGGA!" She stood there with her fat sausage arms out and gripped the rails, blocking the bottom mouth of the escalator. Her son looked amused and immensely proud of her ho-bag 400 pound momma, who was obviously striking down the injustice this young, uppity whitey.
I came down the last step and stood face to face with Black Shamu. I could smell the cheap menthol cigarettes on her breath. I could see the acne scars on her face and her three chins. I could see the gold cross she wore around her neck that was hanging off her huge, disgusting cleavage. It was like staring down the face of my elementary tormentor before a fight and I was truly intimidated.
But there wasn't time to be intimidated - I wasn't the only one on the escalator that needed to get on this train. There were people trying to get on the other train as it rolled up. I heard "Green line to Branch Ave.!" and that annoying automated voice "Doors closing." The doors closed on my train. "Green line to Greenbelt!" the conductor shouted on the opposite train.
We were all going to be late on account of this stupid bitch. To make matters worse, people were piling up at the bottom of the escalator pushing me against the lady. I could feel the nasty breath of Ms. Shamu on my face as she held on to the escalator rails.
A woman with a blue windbreaker with Puerto Rican flag on the back, clutching a baby in one arm and her little daughter's hand in her other pushed past me and shouted "Move, you fucking bitch! NOW!" and shoved the fat woman at the bottom of the stairs. Shamu barely budged from the push, screaming "Spic biiiiitch-" but the mass of all of us welling up at the mouth of the escalator surged and pushed her backward onto her ass, knocking her son back into the post behind him. We gingerly stepped over and around Black Shamu. The Puerto Rican lady was cursing at her in Spanish at the top of her little lungs.
I walked down to the other end of the platform.
"Greenbelt!"
"Doors closing!"
Black Shamu was rolling around on the platform floor like a flipped turtle. Her son was crying slumped up against the post, rubbing his fat five year old head and shouting at the lady to "stop yelling at mommy!"
The Metro Police rushed down the escalator as the Puerto Rican lady repeatedly screamed "I'll roll this fat bitch onto the fucking third rail!" They grabbed the Puerto Rican lady and slammed her face-first up against the post where Black Shamu's son was sitting and cuffed her. Three officers helped the now teary fat lady to her feet. The next Metro train to Branch Ave. slowly came to a stop, with onlookers inside turning open-mouthed to see the display before them.
"Who started this mess?!" shouted Lt. Officer Dickhead amidst the commotion.
"Green line to Branch Ave.! Going downtown!"
"Doors opening!" I quickly stepped on at the far end of the train and watched as the people waiting for the opposite train fingered Black Shamu for the commotion.
I turned up my iPod and watched as the Puerto Rican lady and Black Shamu were dragged out by the Metro Police with their children in tow. Shamu was wailing "That biiiiiitch!" and screaming about racial injustice while tears rolled down her cheeks.
The doors nearly closed on my neck.
"Doors Closing! Please stand clear of the door!"
The Metro train to Branch Ave. plunged into the dark tunnel. I checked my watch. "7:58? Fuck! I'm gonna be late for work!"
User Reviews
Submitted by HZRD (user info) at 2005-02-18 08:52:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Shamohn-ah! Thanks, Michael. HEEEEE HE!
Submitted by MichaelJackson (user info) at 2005-02-18 07:50:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Damb, have another +2 anyway
Submitted by HZRD (user info) at 2005-02-17 13:20:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
This was mostly fictional, sorry Michael Jackson. The Puerto Rican Lady was imagined.
I did get called a "nigga", I was late for work because of black shamu, i did get asked if i thought this lady was rosa parks, i got stared at like i was a racist, and i did have diarrhea really bad this morning and slept really shitty last night. i dreamt this up on the Metro and arrived at work in a good mood for once.
but i would have reacted the same fucking way if it did really happen. i hate cops, especially transit cops, who aren't real cops and know it but abuse their authority anyway. i was asked, no, rather i was grabbed on the way out of the station a month ago and was yelled at to turn down my music by a Metro 5-0. he told me i would be fined and i yelled loudly that my father was a lawyer (lie) and i would sue him for touching me and wasting my time. asshole backed down.
besides, the fight wouldn't have been about me, it would have been between the two women. would you even step near the scene if you knew you'd be handcuffed too? hell no, they BOTH would have gotten me involved. would you like to spend the day in jail or get a fine? hell no. would you want to be immensely late for work a week before your 3-month review when you were already late yesterday? hell no.
i wish this could have happened though, it would have been fine justice to see racist Shamu carried away and her fatass boy bloodied. that little bastard laughed at me this morning, i should have shoved him out onto the third rail. too bad the puerto rican didn't stop yelling at her, she would have been OK.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-02-17 11:45:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Loren had a good point. You should've helped the woman. Though in a metropolitan area, sometimes we're so stressed that our sense of humanity goes out the window as we rush to get into our respective building. I know it does that to me. It's not an excuse, but I can relate.
Make flyers out of my comandements: http://www.ubersite.com/m/58420
Submitted by standardeviant (user info) at 2005-02-17 11:33:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I commend you. I think you did the right thing. You kept your cool and let other people deal with the consequences of thier actions. So if doing the right thing is not having balls then I do not know what is.
Submitted by standardeviant (user info) at 2005-02-17 11:25:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Damned femmes.Rate the story. Not the person. God damned.
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2005-02-17 11:05:54 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
In my opinion, the spanish woman is the hero in this story, and the only one in the fucking equation that had a set of balls.
So way to go, you're a real stand-up guy. The least you could have done was backed her up when the cops got involved.
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-02-17 10:49:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ever tried to use Park and ride at Greenbelt?
DON'T
A parking lot so big it'll take you 20 minutes litterally to walk to the station.
Good luck finding that bitch later too
I used to go to UMD so we had free shuttle to the station, metro was the only way to go down town
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2005-02-17 10:44:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The scum in our nations capitol is amusing.
I went to pick up a girl who was visiting from Union station, wasn't there for 5 minutes before a bum tried to start a fight with me. I was close to kicking his ass, but even if you win in a fight against a crackhead bum, you still lose. I should probably write a post about it.
Submitted by wookie (user info) at 2005-02-17 10:36:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I used to ride the Metro--New Carrolton to Metro Center to Union Station.
Too many troglodytes.
So now, I avoid it like the Plague. Which I'm pretty sure a lot of the passengers had.
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-02-17 10:36:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This rules all over the place.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2005-02-17 10:29:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-02-17 10:19:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 For DC
Everybody knows slow people stay to the left. I saw someone get pushed down the stairs at the Woodley Park stop because they refused to move. That escaltor is long too.
BTW Move away while you can
GO TERPS!
Submitted by MichaelJackson (user info) at 2005-02-17 10:11:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Found it: http://www.ubersite.com/m/32195
Submitted by MichaelJackson (user info) at 2005-02-17 10:10:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome, please tell me this is true.
This reminds me of, I think a Sideburns post, were he told a sales lady they had the same surname, and she said something about "Oh so that's my slave name, what you own me now or something", I forget