Money. Yeah. That's what i want. (573 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.25 on 4 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by icarus9mm<adinfinidum.at.yahoo.com> (View user info) at 2005-02-17 12:11:39 EST
I'm going to be rich.
Not like - I won a million dollars playing scratch-offs in my mobile home so I'll move into the suburbs - rich; I mean more along the lines of - I buy people's children to feed to my pet tigers - rich. Most of this will be brought about by my impending rock-stardom. The rest, I dunno, probably the release of my bound to be best-seller self-help book: "Who You Are and Why It's Hopeless"
The first order of business will be buying out every major pharmaceutical.
"Oh, how gracious of you! You're going to abolish a corrupt system and provide much needed medicine for reasonable prices!"
What? Hell no.
I'm gonna make the sick and lame fight for their medicine in televised Battles to the Death.
Picture this:
~~~~~~
Tom: ...now before McCancerslacks was stricken with (insert hilarious debilitating disease here) he cut his implement swinging teeth with his father's Mickey Mantle.
Jeff: That' right, Tom, playing Little League for the Midtown Oilers. Let's see if that experience pays off in tonight's death match. **CRUNCH** Oh wow, right in the leg! I tell ya', Tom, no pill in the world's gonna fix that doozy of a mace wound.
Tom: Well, Jeff, I don't think Little Jimmy realizes the kind of determination and raw will to live he's up against squaring off with Old Man Felchinstein. He'll either have to shape up or ship out...
Jeff: Yeah, he'll ship out alright - in a body bag!
(laughter)
~~~~~~
Just look at little Jimmy go. What a trooper.
See, I'm a genuine humanitarian at heart. I care about the entertainment of my fellow man to such an extent that i'm willing to sacrifice as many people as it takes to keep it top-notch.
What better way to enrich lives and spend my vast riches?
Wait. I've got it:
I'll singlehandedly put an end to child slave-labor.
"Saving lives and rebuilding communities in the third world, in hopes of establishing sound business practice and improving quality of life? What a saint!"
Nope. Even better.
I'll buy the third world. All of it. The Global South in it's entirety. From India to the Ivory Coast.
Why should slavery be reserved for children in these backward nations? I plan to put all ages - in the entire spectrum of mud races - to work: making wallets, farming cocoa, skinning endangered species... Why should they be allowed to sit around crying about lack of food and resources while the rest of us go without cheap clothing and plastic toys? fuck that.
i'll give 'em something to cry about... pussies.
User Reviews
Submitted by HZRD (user info) at 2005-02-17 14:41:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
"i'm going to write a book, it's gonna be called "shut the fuck up" by dr. dennis leary"
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2005-02-17 12:59:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
i'd build a sakkio japan in my kitchen and another one at work. i'd force some asian slaves to prepare endless supplies of chicken teriyaki.
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2005-02-17 12:42:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
The best things in life are free
But you can give them to the birds and bees
I need money.....
I never said the post was good, but the song.........
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2005-02-17 12:24:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
This was okay but I can't give you a positive rating because now you've got that stupid fucking song stuck in my head. Thanks Alot.