Stolen Speach from the Leader of the Free World (499 hits)
Category: Politics -> IraqRating: -0.83 on 6 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by M Les <mles76.at.yahoo.com> (View user info) at 2005-02-18 19:22:13 EST
My Fellow Americans
Today more than any other day in history I'm proud to call myself the president of these United States of America!! Today is no different in appearance to any other day of my term as your leader but today is at the same time is a vastly different day compared to them other days I was talking about a second ago.
(Pause)
We have striven these past years to remove the terrorist threat from the world through the might of our military.
(Pause, wait for applause)
We have striven to give democracy the chance to spread justice in formerly terrorist run countries.
(Pause, wait for applause)
We have striven to secure a vast supply of fossil fuels from these countries.
(Pause, wait for applause)
We may have been less than successful in the first two endeavours but as of this morning the third endeavour has been completed; thanks to the coalition forces policing the terrorist plagued Middle East the United States of America!! now controls a hell of a lot of the worlds oil supply.
(Pause, wait for applause)
Today I'm proud to be your leader.
(Pause, wait for applause)
Our fight in Iraq was not a popular fight; on the contrary many good American!! citizens chose not to support our troops in the big showdown. Sure the body count of 18-year-old American youth has steadily climbed since the war ended in the spring of 2002. And just maybe there were never any WMDs. Hell there's even an off chance Iraq was better off under Saddam's control. We'll never really know..or will we???
(Pause)
My father taught me that as president it is important to carry two personality traits as a WW2veteran carries his medals: The ability to forgive and the ability to admit mistakes.
(Pause, wait for applause)
Let me put these here traits I hold so dear as a free American!! into practice.
Today I'll forgive al of you flag burning bleeding hearts that protested the war. I forgive the millions upon millions of citizens who called me names, said I was stupid and a murderer. I forgive the French Government for being pussies and the Canadians for being weak hippies. Most of all I have decided to forgive the terrorists. We need more forgiveness in these United States!!.
(Pause, wait for applause)
As for admitting mistakes, a much harder exercise as the ordinary citizens of our great country are too under educated to know the process involved in making decisions, (no I don't resent their ignorance) I admit we went about freeing the Iraqis in a bass ackwards way. To be honest we were never quite sure if they wanted to be free. It was a mistake to Invade Iraq the way we did and I'm sorry. I'm sorry to all the dead soldiers and I'm sorry to the heroic soldiers who were injured in the policing of Iraq. I'm sorry Jessica Lynch got her country ass shot up so badly.
Some of you may be asking, "Where is he going with this? Why so apologetic? "
(Pause 1, 2, 3)
Today we had a top-level meeting with Saddam Hussein. We have decided the Iraqi population would rather live under the just rule of Saddam. We have decided to restore Saddam to his throne under these conditions: (Read quickly)
1. There will be a democratic election every four years where Saddam may be ousted from his position as head of the country depending on the outcome of the election. Saddam's government will administer this election process and decide who may run.
2. The United States of America will take immediate control of ALL of the oil interests in Iraq. Saddam will oversee the distribution of said oil to the United States of America!!
3. The United States of America!! will perform annual inspections of Iraq to ensure there are no WMDs being built in Iraq under the supervision of Saddam's government.
4. The American!! Forces in Iraq will be shipped home immediately for a long well deserved rest. Saddam's government will review the records of the returning American!! Soldiers and reserve the right to imprison any American!! War criminals.
5. The United States of America!! will pay a small tax on all oil removed from Iraqi land to benefit the Iraqi people, the rate of said taxation will be determined by Saddam's government.
6. The United States of America!! will pay for all damaged property in Iraq that occurred between March 2001 to the moment the last free American!! Soldier leaves Iraq.
(No pause)
As your president I am excited to accept this offer presented to us by various democratic-minded Iraqi groups, I feel this mutually beneficial partnership between Iraq and the United States of America will establish a healthy relationship between our two great nations for years to come.
(Pause, wait for applause)
My hope for the future is for the non-Jews in Israel to follow the example we have provided today. Lay down your weapons and start the peace process. I am the leader of the greatest country in the world, I am the Leader of the United States of America!!, a country known for kicking ass in every war we have fought (quietly) up until the mid 1950's (louder) and today I am proud to take this step towards peace, to stop the killing and reap the benefits of partnership. God bless all of our citizens be they heathen or Christian or blackies. God bless America!!, home of the free and the land of the brave.
User Reviews
Submitted by domenad (user info) at 2005-02-20 14:14:44 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Funny? No. Clever? Nuh-uh. +2? No way.
Submitted by supererwallet (user info) at 2005-02-18 21:31:25 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
OMG HOW CLEVER
YOU POSTED A SPEECH BY GEORGE BUSH!!!
BUT WAIT IT MAKES FUN OF HIM!
OMG L0Lz0rZ~!!!!111one
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-02-18 19:53:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You forgot Desert Storm
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2005-02-18 19:53:08 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
No Comment
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2005-02-18 19:51:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-02-18 19:46:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment