His Life For Auir (29327 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 2 on 13 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by ikebomber (View user info) at 2005-02-19 12:16:48 EST
Remember Starcraft? Honestly, I liked the game; it was fun, dynamic, and amazingly violent. I was never serious with it, but I won't deny that I occasionally played it in lieu of other things that may have been, in the grand scheme of things, more important that whether my hydrolisks can kill your hydrolisks. But sometimes I think people forget that it's just a video game, that there's a limit to the amount of time and energy you can reasonably put into moving make-believe aliens across a screen. Sometimes, people are just freaks.
In the following story, which happened yesterday, I'm the only person involved who even so much as cracks a smile.
I'm in CVS, walking towards the cash register with a bottle of mouthwash and some Tic Tacs. A short kid, maybe 16 years old, arms rigid at his sides, scampers briskly past me towards the same register. He's wearing a Starcraft shirt and a lot of acne.
"Vector locked in," he says. He's closely followed by a tall, lumbering gangly kid whose jeans are way too tight. He's in a trench coat that's too short for him. I'd rather have an acid enema than be either of them. The tall guy drops an assortment of items onto the counter. On closer inspection, these are the items, as closely as I could tell:
1. a pack of gum
2. two boxes of tampons
3. four identical issues of PCGamer
4. an enormous jug of vinegar
5. more dental floss than should reasonably be purchased at one time
The cashier is slightly plump, college-age girl. The short kid looks up at her. "My life for Aiur!" he announces. The girl ignores him and starts scanning the items. Then she pauses, looking at strange set of items.
"What are these for?"
"For Adun!"
"Uh, ok..."
The gangly guy runs his hands through his jungle of disheveled hair and booms,
"SPAWN MORE OVERLOARDS!"
"That will be 21.95."
Short guy: "I heed thy call." He rummages through his wallet and turns to his friend. "We require more minerals!"
"SPAWN MORE OVERLOARDS". Money changes his hands.
"You think as I do."
"What's wrong with you guys?"
"You want a piece of me, boy?"
"What?"
"SPAWN MORE OVERLOARDS!"
"Let's burn!"
"That doesn't even...I think you guys should leave now."
"Honor guide me."
"Seriously what the hell is going on?"
The short kid turns and leaves, briefly glaring at me briefly with wide, glazed eyes. As he passes, he points at me with all 10 fingers. "Annihilate!" he hisses. The other guy lingers for a moment longer. He leans over the counter and says in all seriousness, "I would SO lurker rush you." Exits, presumably back to his Ultralisk Den.
I step up to the counter.
"Wow," says the cashier over the sound of someone outside the store shouting:
"ADUN TORIDAS!"
There should be an automatic euthanasia system for people who spent over a fixed amount of time on Battlenet.
User Reviews
Submitted by Slovin (user info) at 2005-08-31 19:26:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
How the hell did I miss this? This is so fucking hilarious. I love Starcraft.
Submitted by ikebomber (user info) at 2005-02-20 18:58:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by TheMidnight12AM (user info) at 2005-02-19 14:52:51 (#)
Ranking: 1
You forgot the EXPANSION PACK.
------
Next time I see them, I'll mention that.
Submitted by FuckTheArmy (user info) at 2005-02-19 22:12:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ha!
Submitted by Slighty_Obnoxious (user info) at 2005-02-19 18:22:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Yes comment
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2005-02-19 15:13:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Starcraft is the win
Submitted by TheMidnight12AM (user info) at 2005-02-19 14:52:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
You forgot the EXPANSION PACK.
Submitted by domenad (user info) at 2005-02-19 14:07:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I have those guys beat cold.
I have "Honor guide me" tatooed on my shoulder. Seriously.
Submitted by Id (user info) at 2005-02-19 14:01:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Let's try again now....
Somebody call for an EXTERMINATOR?
Submitted by Id (user info) at 2005-02-19 14:01:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Somebody call for an extermiator?
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2005-02-19 12:54:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Patheticus (user info) at 2005-02-19 12:22:26 (#)
Ranking: 2
The bad thing is, I actually remember all of those quotes. God I'm such a nerd.
Submitted by tech-junkie (user info) at 2005-02-19 12:50:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Need a light?
Submitted by tech-junkie (user info) at 2005-02-19 12:49:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
MY LIFE FOR AIUR!!!
Submitted by Patheticus (user info) at 2005-02-19 12:22:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The bad thing is, I actually remember all of those quotes. God I'm such a nerd.