World's Worst Love Poem (1057 hits)
Category: Quotes & Stories -> PoetryRating: -1.09 on 13 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Howie Felter <imwillywonka.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2005-02-20 11:40:37 EST
this was written when I was in grade 13....
If I were you, in love with me I would be,
While we're together, I rarely go pee.
The only reason that I must restrain,
For when I'm left from you, I feel so much pain.
But not the pain like a kick in the junk,
More like the pain when I lose at Kerplunk.
If we every broke up, I'd be oh so lost,
Probably from all the pornography costs.
As much as I love to watch women get wild,
You're the woman I want to carry my child.
You're more gorgeous than vomit, your hair is so straight.
Together forever, wouldn't that be great?
For my feelings for you, how powerful are,
I'd drive a kilometer...isn't that far?
The way that you smile while we eat our meals,
Nicer than Eskimos murdering seals.
Your hunchback is pretty, so pleasant and plump,
Unlike the hemorrhoid that covers your rump.
I can look past that, the pusing and spewing,
As long as the kinky dates don't involve chewing!
I think now, my love, you know how I feel.
I'd rather kiss you than watch human flesh peel.
If I could take you out for one more night on the town,
It would be more fun than guessing who's poop has more brown.
So give it some thought and then let me know,
If you love me as well, if so we will go.
We'll leave this place fast and go travel together,
Please pardon my package, as it must be cold weather.
The thing that I find I love most about you,
Is your humour is funnier than Winnie The Pooh.
Well, maybe not Winnie himself, exactly.
But possibly where he gets honey from...that tree!
Yes, it is true, your humour excels,
That of inanimate objects or wells.
More compliments, yes, I could go on for hours,
But after thinking of you, I must take a cold shower.
Not for those perverted reasons you think,
But merely because it feels good when I blink.
I'll end this poetry session right now,
I truly do love you, more than a cow.
I will submit further poems at a later date, but for now...my fingers fucking hurt from typing!
User Reviews
Submitted by Jay_Bassman (user info) at 2005-02-22 09:07:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
"But not the pain like a kick in the junk,
More like the pain when I lose at Kerplunk."
Now, it could just be the fact that I'm incredibly tired and drunk out of my skull, but I found that line extremely funny.
Submitted by Ivy (user info) at 2005-02-22 08:49:09 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Would have been -2 but you saved yourself with the grade 13 bit. Ordinarily it wouldn't matter, but I've been away for almost two years and I'm homesick.
Submitted by Creepy_guy (user info) at 2005-02-20 13:53:41 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2005-02-20 11:41:29 (#)
Ranking: -2
Grade 13, eh?
______________________________
I had to wonder about that too...
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-02-20 13:48:18 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
How'd you even figure out how to log in to this site?
Submitted by Howie_Felter (user info) at 2005-02-20 12:49:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
haha perfecto! the desired affect commences.... :D Looks like I did a good job, hence the reason I got 100%
Submitted by DemonJack (user info) at 2005-02-20 12:43:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Actually it was that bad.
Submitted by Wazza (user info) at 2005-02-20 12:32:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
MMMMMMMMMmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmwell some people couldn\t write ,so a for effort.
Submitted by Lisa (user info) at 2005-02-20 12:10:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
It was bad, but not that bad.
Submitted by DemonJack (user info) at 2005-02-20 12:09:11 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Not even in the deepest, darkest, depths of hell has there been spoken such words of torture and insanity.
Winnie the Pooh? What the fuck where you thinking?
Submitted by Ingsoc (user info) at 2005-02-20 12:02:39 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
So I saw you in the pizza place, you were with another girl.
It was a crime, it was such a disgrace, you really shattered my world.
Submitted by mikethescottish (user info) at 2005-02-20 11:54:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Well hey, the title didn't lie.
Submitted by TollboothWilly (user info) at 2005-02-20 11:43:27 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Dolla Twenty Five Please
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2005-02-20 11:41:29 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Grade 13, eh?