Tales from the Forge 3 (354 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -0.25 on 5 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by FuckTheArmy (View user info) at 2005-02-21 05:56:31 EST
This is an adjunct to the Battle for Uber, as created by PMJ, where monsters, demons, sorcerors and sword wielding maniacs fight each other.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/54009
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To wit, I see you don't like the last tale I told you. Perhaps you should best be amused by your armourer lest the bellows blow poorly and make the arms brittle. No less, a maul needing 3 arms would be no less in weight than two ordinary men, thus requiring forging, by even the greatest smithys.
Pettiness aside, or rather intrinsic, since it's part of the story for today.
In a seedy bar (is there any other type?) over in the village of Gromph, I once espied a bar wench while in a drunken state (again, is there any other type?). I had no interest, for she had seven arms. I imagine this was why she was hired as the barwench, for there was much custom there. I prefer my women with 4 arms or less. Nothing against any other sort, but it's a personal preference I tend to stick to.
Shortly after this brief notice, she approached my stool and growled at me. "Are you looking at me, beast?"
I was not, and answered truthfully.
"You ought to be. You also ought to meet me in the back room in ten minutes."
Again, I told her honestly that I wasn't going there.
Never underestimate the sheer force of fourty-nine mugs of beer crashing into one's head. When I came to, the bar was empty (except for the wench) and I was tied to the table, blindfolded. A voice snarled forth from the darkness. "Now I know you're not looking at me."
I consider it a rare feat by her that I enjoyed all seven arms that night.
User Reviews
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2005-02-21 16:13:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 because of the shit your getting
and another plus 2 because i laughed at this.
Submitted by Tigre (user info) at 2005-02-21 15:25:47 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No, but really. You seem to know what you're doing. How long have you been a metalurgist? Have you ever dropped a really heavy cast iron pot? Yeah, they either chip, crack or shatter. It's the anatomically setup of the atoms as the iron is being cast. It makes it brittle and dull. It CANNOT be forged, no matter how retardedly you might thing that it can be, you're wrong. I know, and I've tried it, and it's true. This series blows, don't continue this shit. You're an idiot of the highest calibre, and nobody reads this shit.
Submitted by Tigre (user info) at 2005-02-21 15:22:52 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
1 300 lb 3 armed maul? Are you fucking kidding me? Dude, I do this shit for a living, making REAL pieces. You're a fucking idiot, you REALLY are. You think it's her looks motherfucker? Fuck you noob, you cock slobbering assclown. -2 for life list now nigger.
Submitted by EAZEDZT (user info) at 2005-02-21 14:14:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Not_Fade_Away (user info) at 2005-02-21 12:53:36 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
41 hits. You suck.