Hey your hot! (1100 hits)
Category: HumorRating: -0.84 on 53 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by AndyD (View user info) at 2005-02-21 12:13:08 EST
We've all been there. (No, I'm not talking about Florida, silly!) We walk into class and realize somebody in there is attractive! Imagine that! Somebody good-looking of the opposite sex, taking the same class as you! It's fate! But how do you move from a stalker to a loving, devoted husband, and father of four? Follow these tips, thats how! (I kinda was talking about Florida though...)
StepONE:
Sit next to him/her! The first key is to "accidentally" sit next to that person. Usually hot people don't like sitting next to normal, uglier people, and so there is often an empty chair next to them. Try these simple yet effective opening phrases: "Hey is that seat open?" or "OhmIgod, you...you so good lookin i wanna stick my tongue in ur mouf" or "Is anybody sitting there?" These are all very easy to pronounce conversation starters.
StepTWO:
Initiate conversation. Try to begin talking to the person before class starts, because you suck at whispering. Yes you do. Shut up. In order to ensure a somewhat long conversation, you'll have to broach a subject that both of you can relate to: the teacher. "So whatdyou think about Mr. Zanfussen?" Never offer your opinion first because it might differ from theirs, and you'll have to agree with them at all costs. "Ugh yeah! Me too! I agree with that sentiment 110%. Oh I know thats a statistical impossibility, it's just a figure of speech."
StepTHREE:
Initiate outside of classroom contact. No relationship can last solely inside of a classroom. In order to tongue kiss you'll have to get that person outside of the classroom and into your heart. Suggest a social event that they might be interested in.
"There's a rape-themed party at my frat this weekend, if you arent too busy..." or "My sorority is throwing a rape-themed formal this weekend, if you wanna come you can." I bet your wondering, "Does the social event have to be rape-themed?" and the answer is unfortunately 'yes.' : (
StepFOUR:
Tell them you've used steps one through three in order to woo them. They'll be all like "No shit, I read ubersite too mutha fucka!" and you'll be all "Naw you dih-ent! Naw you dih-ent!" and they be all like "Trick pleaz, sun!" and you be all like "You mispelled 'please' and 'son.' " And they'll be like "I'm sorry. I get super nervous at rape-themed parties" and you should understand. It's a really threatening environment, and most in-school friends get somewhat apprehensive during out-of-school functions. Take it easy on the other person, and try to act yourself. Nobody likes a phony!
StepFIVE:
Consummate the marriage. If you've followed steps 1-4 correctly, and you're a God-Fearing Christian, then you have no doubt exchanged vows by now, and its time to have sex. Take out your genitals and match them up with the other person's. After the two-piece puzzle is complete, a family is born! In order to repeat, just add nauseum.
User Reviews
Submitted by AndyD (user info) at 2005-02-23 06:34:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Thats it folks, keep these reviews coming! :p
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-02-22 13:16:44 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
woo
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2005-02-22 13:08:21 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Solid zero because I that's what this was going to get in the first place, before I read the replies.
Maybe a -1.
Fuck it. It's not yours...
Submitted by strider (user info) at 2005-02-22 12:49:07 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
plagiarism!
Submitted by AndyD (user info) at 2005-02-22 12:37:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2005-02-22 10:41:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
YOUFUCKINGLOSERASSHOLEPLAIGIRIZINGFUCKNUTASSCLOWNFUCKSOCKASSHATDICKWAD!!!!!!!!!!
diediediediediediediediediediediediediediediediediedie
diediediediediediediediediediediediediediediediediedie
diediediediediediediediediediediediediediediediediedie
diediediediediediediediediediediediediediediediediedie
diediediediediediediediediediediediediediediediediedie
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-02-22 10:40:38 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Do shut up.
Submitted by AndyD (user info) at 2005-02-22 10:30:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Admit it!
Submitted by AndyD (user info) at 2005-02-22 10:30:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
By me
Submitted by AndyD (user info) at 2005-02-22 10:30:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You all got pwned
Submitted by AndyD (user info) at 2005-02-22 10:29:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I rock
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2005-02-22 08:43:26 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Squijee (user info) at 2005-02-22 08:15:48 (#)
Ranking: -2
Worst covering of ass, ever.
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Agreed
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2005-02-22 08:28:05 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
oh for the love of god its "YOU'RE" as in "You Are Hot"
Your hot.... body, your hot butt... THEN its okay.
Submitted by Adona (user info) at 2005-02-22 08:18:33 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
This made me want to kill myself. Especially when I got to the word, 'mouf.'
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-02-22 08:16:32 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I run a bath and go to get the toaster. (They took away the only thing I love which is my gf.) I went insane. She was like give me my toaster. So I give it to her. The I get in the tub anyway with my clothes on.
Submitted by Squijee (user info) at 2005-02-22 08:15:48 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Worst covering of ass, ever.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-02-22 08:03:48 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
OMG you had us! Liek you r0xx0r$!!1!!!
Submitted by AndyD (user info) at 2005-02-22 07:47:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ok guys, that was brilliant. I had all you motherfuckers until this bright spark caught onto me:
Submitted by EAZEDZT (user info) at 2005-02-21 13:04:21 (#)
Ranking: -2
College Humor?
EAZEDZT you are a legend, the rest of you are all sucker bitches that totally fell for it, i think i even got called a comic genius somewhere down the line.
Submitted by Wallstreet (user info) at 2005-02-21 15:07:20 (#)
Ranking: -2
Did you think this would slip through the cracks?
Wallstreet, this was my test to see how long it would take you guys. Didn't do too badly either.
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2005-02-21 19:19:28 (#)
Ranking: -2
oh my god, that sucks. how are you gonna pass that shit off as your own around these internet nazis? if you'd have given due credit to college humor you'd have gotten -2DIE from everyone but at least you wouldn't have labeled yourself an asshole, unoriginal, plagiarizing fucknut.
can't believe i +2 ed this. i feel dirty and i bathe and the dirt won't come off...
Unlucky unabonger you fucktard! muahahahahaaha!
Submitted by phuzzygish (user info) at 2005-02-22 01:59:35 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Ah. That was before I read the reviews. And went to collegehumour.com.
Kopykat li'l kunt.
Submitted by phuzzygish (user info) at 2005-02-22 01:56:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Had good parts, and bad parts, but the bad bits left a stronger taste in my mouth than the good bits.
Submitted by lojope (user info) at 2005-02-21 22:20:14 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
+2 because 24 was awesome tonight and I've had a few drinks.
Wheeeeeeeeeeeee!
Maybe not.
Submitted by lordofthedance (user info) at 2005-02-21 19:32:13 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2005-02-21 19:19:28 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
oh my god, that sucks. how are you gonna pass that shit off as your own around these internet nazis? if you'd have given due credit to college humor you'd have gotten -2DIE from everyone but at least you wouldn't have labeled yourself an asshole, unoriginal, plagiarizing fucknut.
can't believe i +2 ed this. i feel dirty and i bathe and the dirt won't come off...
Submitted by Wallstreet (user info) at 2005-02-21 15:07:20 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Did you think this would slip through the cracks?
Submitted by Kre8rix (user info) at 2005-02-21 14:54:20 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
*sigh*
Submitted by j0andre1 (user info) at 2005-02-21 14:50:51 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
dont plagerize, it's mean!
Submitted by Demolocke (user info) at 2005-02-21 14:38:41 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
-2 plagiarism!
Submitted by Gnome (user info) at 2005-02-21 14:14:24 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhahahahahahahahahahaha......uh, what's this? funny shit, no kidding, but not yours. poopy.
Submitted by MrWillard (user info) at 2005-02-21 13:21:53 (#)
Ranking: -2
Plagerism sucks mother fucker.
Die
http://www.collegehumor.com/?update_id=17
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-02-21 13:41:05 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by MrWillard (user info) at 2005-02-21 13:21:53 (#)
Ranking: -2
Plagerism sucks mother fucker.
Die
http://www.collegehumor.com/?update_id=17
------------------------------
Uh oh, busted. I have to take back my +2 now. Nice try though.
Submitted by Yams (user info) at 2005-02-21 13:37:50 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Takes talent, doesn't it?
Submitted by MrWillard (user info) at 2005-02-21 13:24:57 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Last one
Submitted by MrWillard (user info) at 2005-02-21 13:24:10 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
one more
Submitted by MrWillard (user info) at 2005-02-21 13:22:43 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
and another
Submitted by MrWillard (user info) at 2005-02-21 13:22:15 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Here...have another bitch
Submitted by MrWillard (user info) at 2005-02-21 13:21:53 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Plagerism sucks mother fucker.
Die
http://www.collegehumor.com/?update_id=172
Submitted by EAZEDZT (user info) at 2005-02-21 13:04:21 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
College Humor?
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2005-02-21 13:00:57 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
"just add nauseum"???
Fuck you.
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2005-02-21 12:58:39 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
My hot what, you sad sack of fuck?
Now to read.
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2005-02-21 12:51:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Jimmy (user info) at 2005-02-21 12:48:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You've got comedy talent fella, every line was gold!
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-02-21 12:48:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Not_Fade_Away (user info) at 2005-02-21 12:45:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I've seen worse.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2005-02-21 12:44:57 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
OMG liek woww ur 2 much 4 wurdz!
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-02-21 12:44:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHAHAHAHAHA Caul didn't get it. Damn foreigners.
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2005-02-21 12:39:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I wish I would have known this when I was 13.
Submitted by ess-arr (user info) at 2005-02-21 12:37:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
thanks...
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2005-02-21 12:34:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I read it, it made me smile.
Submitted by MickGinny (user info) at 2005-02-21 12:34:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
hey your hot....what?
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-02-21 12:27:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm not to sure what I've read, but I guess it was good
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-02-21 12:22:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I've seen worse. Consider this an early birthday present from me.
Submitted by Wiggles (user info) at 2005-02-21 12:20:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Pretty good, but I can't stand the misspellings of "you're".
Submitted by congo (user info) at 2005-02-21 12:17:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
*wiping tears*
Submitted by Tom (user info) at 2005-02-21 12:14:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
This is going on most heated.