John Lennon and Roger Waters Finally Kill Everyone Like They've Always Wanted To (571 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 2 on 6 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by FelizJBirth (View user info) at 2005-02-21 22:33:52 EST
...we came in?
John Lennon and Roger Waters incite a "revolution" (amongst themselves) conversing with eachother using only their respective bodies of lyrical work. If you don't know of or like either of these people, then you will not find this funny. Even if you DO love both of these people, you probably still won't find it funny. That said, let's get on with it.
---------
It's a Saturday night and Roger Waters sits on the couch of the small apartment in Anytown, USA he shares with John Lennon. John walks out of the bedroom. He has obviously been crying.
JL: Help! I need somebody!
RW: Wots, uh the deal?
JL: My mummy's dead!! (crying) I can't get it through my head!
RW: Not now John we've gotta get on with this!
JL: I can't explain so much pain!
RW: Would you like to watch TV? Would you like something to eat?
JL: I'm lonely! I want to die!
RW: Come on now! Don't give in without a fight! You owe it to the people!
JL: The dream is over.
RW: But oh, the tide is turning!
JL: Don't give me that, brother. One thing you can't hide is when you're crippled inside! My mummy's dead! Do you remember your ma and pa?
RW: The high command took my daddy from me! History is for fools, it's just another brick in the wall.
JL: I don't expect you to understand!
RW: Fuck all that. You know that I care what happens to you and I know that you care what happens to me.
JL: I do appreciate you being 'round. I never meant to hurt you. Goo-goo-gjoob.
(There is a short silence)
RW: What shall we do now?
JL: Whatever gets you through the night!
RW: God help us all. Where's the fucking bar, John?
JL: Well, just follow me.
(at the bar)
RW: Hey bartender over here! Two more shots and two more beers!
JL: I'm so tired. My mind is on the blink. I need a fix.
RW: Don't leave me now! Who's gonna show this stranger around?
JL: It's gonna be alright. I'll have another cigarette.
Roger tries to change the topic to keep John awake.
RW: Have you heard the news?
JL: I read the news today, oh boy. Sometimes I feel like going down.
RW: What happened to the post-war dream? What have we done?
JL: It's so hard.
(Roger places a shot in front of John)
RW: This should ease your pain and get you on your feet again.
JL: Bless you! What a thing to do!
Roger (to bartender): Sir, turn on the TV set! The war has started on the ground!
(bartender turns on TV set)
RW: I just love those laser guided bombs.
JL: It's still the same old story. A bloody holy war.
RW: And the Germans kill the Jews and the Jews kill the Arabs and the Arabs kill the hostages and that is the news.
JL: It took me so long to find out, but I found out. All I want is some truth!
RW: Who needs information when you're working underground? One day we will rise up and master the art of karate and we'll make the buggers eyes water!
JL: So, you say want a revolution?
RW: Any fool knows a dog needs a home!
The idea appeals to the violent John Lennon.
JL: Go, go, go! We'd better get on it right away!
RW: Drop it on em!!!
Roger and John pull out automatic shotguns and begin firing randomly at their fellow bar patrons.
23 bodies and 6 hours later at the police station downtown:
RW: What have we done?? They must have taken my marbles away!!! Will they put me in the firing line??
JL: No. That is I think I disagree. It's gonna be alright.
RW: Have I been guilty all this time? Will they take the children away and leave me alone??
Roger breaks down and cries like the pussy he really is.
JL: Hold on. It's gonna be alright. Dont you worry about what you've done.
Suddenly, the two notice they are not alone in their cell. John suddenly realizes who it is...
John: Elvis!
(Elvis slowly looks up)
Elvis: You ain't no friend of mine.
John begins to weep. Even his boyhood idol hates him. He has nothing left. John and Roger embrace like ghey men.
THE END
Isn't this where...
User Reviews
Submitted by FelizJbirth (user info) at 2005-02-22 13:48:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I did create it, I'm a big enough Beatles/Floyd nerd to be able to do this pretty easily. I know it's sad. I expected this to be flooded with -2 dies/get a lifes.. Thanks for the kind comments all, I found it kind of amusing to write.
Maybe if I ever have even more time to waste I'll try to write a longer more sensical story with as many people as I can think of. Maybe actors using only lines from their movies?
I better not, I'm pushing my luck with this one.
Submitted by NoahsArk (user info) at 2005-02-22 13:34:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
If you created this, amazing
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-02-22 09:36:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm impressed.
Submitted by Thor (user info) at 2005-02-22 07:35:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i couln't be bothered reading all this, but plus 2 for excellent title
Submitted by Wiggles (user info) at 2005-02-21 23:13:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Pretty pointless, but I enjoyed trying to remember what songs the words came from.
Submitted by DJMattB241 (user info) at 2005-02-21 22:36:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
plus fucking two for the first and last lines in the post.