Remittance (2157 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: CaptainThorns_music
Rating: -0.2 on 7 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by CaptainThorns (View user info) at 2005-02-22 10:55:58 EST
He makes a vow to love her forever
Bells ring as they're walking down the aisle
Six years later, she's out the door, moved far away
He walks into his new life with a smile
Walking down the path of life
You feel the pain, you feel the strife
And hope you weren't committed of a crime
Our God forgives
It happens all again
Does it hurt so much the second time?
Turn around
Look over your shoulder
Can't you see what you have done?
Deja vu
I've seen it all before
Forgiveness often comes second to none
Walking down the path of life
You feel the pain, you feel the strife
And hope you weren't committed of a crime
Our God forgives
It happens yet again
Does it hurt so much the second time?
For your listening pleasure, one of my original songs (warning, it's a 4.58MB MP3 file). For those of you who appreciate musical poetry. Looking forward to honest feedback...
remittance.mp3 (4 MB) [audio/mpeg]
User Reviews
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-10-27 22:23:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My step dad is in a Christian Rock band, so I sorta grew up around this sorta thing. Of course I always have to take it with a grain of salt. I have written songs that could easily be considered 'Christian', and some are BLATANTLY Christian, but most of those were done to capture a particular style, like a Hank Williams ballad or something. There are some songs in my Music Directory post that, while not really 'religious' by definition, mention God in a non-tongue-in-cheek manner, if you know what I mean.
The good about this song was the music and the recording. The recording and the musicianship on the instruments were good. Very solid.
The vocals could have used some work. It sounded like your singer was having difficulty hearing herself properly in the studio headphones. I find that a lot of times a singer will be extremely shy when they can hear themselves so clearly in the headphones above the music. If she had belted out a little more, she could have nailed it. That's something to watch for in the future. The key to getting a good vocal sound and performance is comfort. I still haven't mastered this either, but I'm working on it. :D
Keep it up! Post more music! Let me know when you do.
Submitted by TheSunGod (user info) at 2005-02-22 12:14:18 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by Not_Fade_Away (user info) at 2005-02-22 10:58:01 (#)
Ranking: -2
Sounds like something that Beavis & Butthead's hippy teacher would sing.
......................................
what he said. "fly awaaaayy... leeesbian seagull...."
i tried to like this, i really did. +1 for honesty about your feelings, blahblahblah.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2005-02-22 11:45:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I would like to point out that (a) I wrote this back in '97, when I was a mere 20 years old (yes I have improved since then), (b) I posted it for the poetry/rhyme aspect of the lyrics, not on originality/clicheness, and (c) it *is* written in the mainstream Christian rock genre, but since most of you on Uber are fairly anti-religion I guess I should have known better that to expect positive ratings and open minds for this work.
Jus' trying to expand everyone's horizons, but apparently it is not working.
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2005-02-22 11:42:32 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
weak
Submitted by BludKake (user info) at 2005-02-22 11:36:10 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
I want to encourage poetry and lyrical postings to this site, but damn those lyrics suck. Totally uninspired. Try being original. Even sucky original is better than sucky clichè.
Submitted by ellsmall (user info) at 2005-02-22 11:31:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
What kind of drugs are you doing?
Submitted by Not_Fade_Away (user info) at 2005-02-22 10:58:01 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Sounds like something that Beavis & Butthead's hippy teacher would sing.