My Review of a Chippendales Show: Women find this Hot? (2191 hits)
Category: Humor -> Dumb JobsRating: 1.96 on 26 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by acrog (View user info) at 2005-02-22 13:29:58 EST
Last Friday I experienced something that I never thought I would. I had to sit through a Chippendales show.
Mind you, I am a guy, it was not voluntary, and I got paid to be there.
I had to DJ the show, and the resulting after party.
Now, let me tell you. The show had a $25 cover and it sold out. I know the club turned away over 100 women trying to get in. It didn't start until about 9:45, but the women showed up at 8:00. Apparently these women were very excited to be there.
They drank, and drank, and drank up until showtime and continued on through the show.
By the end of the night there was about an inch of puke on the bathroom floor.
As a whole, they were unruly and rude as shit.
The most out of control women were the 40+ slightly plumped housewives who probably have at least one kid in college.
The MC/dancer would start looking for volunteers for the 'Hot Seat' (explained later)
or other on stage antics , and one or two of them wouldn't wait to get picked. They just marched their happy fat ass on stage and laughed about it not thinking that the only people who thought that was cool or funny were the other 40+ slightly plumped housewife friends that she came with. The MC got really pissed about that.
O.K. the show:
What can I say, I was as far opposite of turned on as a human can possibly be. I thought I might actually get some enjoyment out of watching some of the hotter women slut it up publicly on the dancers, but no.... It was just retarded.
These guys dancing, WHAT THE FUCK.
It was like REALLY bad boy band dance moves. Ladies, is that hot?
One act had this guy (who, after talking to him, I KNOW had to be gay) acting like he was coming home after a hard day at the office. He sat down in a chair and put a PC keyboard in his lap and was looking at this lighted box that, I guess, was supposed to simulate a computer screen. He started typing and then threw his head back and just started taking off his shirt. He pranced around taking off more clothes, until he was down to a thong. He ended up on top of the lighted box , on his back, with his hands down his thong, humping the air. The whole thing came across to me like he got off work came home and started fapping to internet porn.
Again ladies, I ask you, Is that hot?
The rest of the acts had cowboys, firemen, military men, typical cliché Village People type costumes.
Ok the 'Hot Seat'.
The hot seat was a ten dollar chair dance that lasted about 10 seconds. They would do a 4 minute act and then a 12 minute hot seat session, herding as many women on stage as they could until the pre-mixed track was over.
They whole thing was very obviously designed by men thinking they know what women want. The acts and the MC banter all came across as very degrading to the women in the audience. That's just my opinion.
It thought that the Chippendales were supposed to be classy, not sleazy.
Guys get WAY more for their money at the traditional shake joint with female strippers.
All in all, I hated every fucking second I was there.
Thank you Chippendales, you reaffirmed to me that without a shadow of a doubt that I could never go gay.
User Reviews
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2005-02-23 21:31:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I worked backstage at a performance of 'The Full Monty'. As a dresser. For both sexes.
The show starts out with a guy doing a striptease and ending up wearing a thong before he goes offstage. And for no reason AT ALL, he wandered around backstage for the next 20 minutes. Without putting any more clothes on. And while he was reasonably good-looking, when I turn around, I don't exactly expect to see a random male prancing about in a thong if he doesn't have to. And as a dresser, I had to help with costume changes. For the guys. And they had to change underwear several times as well. I think the highlight of the evening was being handed a sweaty thong. I'm still scarred.
But I felt better, because the (straight) male riggers had a poster depicting 'Romeo', a stripper, wearing a very tight thong about two feet in front of them for most of the evening. Oh, how I laughed at them.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-02-23 20:08:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuck paying $25 smackeroos to see some bad wang, ladies.
I'll whip it out for you for FREE!
I'll even let you touch it!
Private shows are available.
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2005-02-23 19:56:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Haha what songs did you play?
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-02-23 19:33:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
!
Submitted by Lyric (user info) at 2005-02-22 20:46:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I went to one of these once. I don't think I have ever laughed so hard in my life.
The best was the guy who gave himself a bubble sponge bath. I don't think guys are supposed to look that enamoured with soapy water.
Submitted by AlwaysAnEagle (user info) at 2005-02-22 18:44:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Doesn't do a damn thing for me.
Submitted by acrog (user info) at 2005-02-22 17:31:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm glad to hear that you ladies think these guys suck.
I guess this is what I get. I got to do a Playboy show about a year ago and the Maxim Girls search this year.
Ain't Karma a bitch.
Submitted by Nicole3 (user info) at 2005-02-22 15:56:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I've never been to one of these shows and never will. I agree, they are disgusting.
I had to sit through a male stripper thing once, and I stress HAD. He looked like a nerdier version of David Duchovny, pastey white and flacid. YUCK! I couldn't stop laughing.
Submitted by engine13 (user info) at 2005-02-22 15:20:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Chippendales are ewww, just ewwww. I'd much rather look at a naked woman prancing around on stage than a guy in a thong anyday. That said strip clubs are all pretty silly anyway. Male or female, it takes a certain kind of person to take them seriously. . .not neccesarily a good thing.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-02-22 15:12:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Chippendales = Ghey Menz
Submitted by Naery (user info) at 2005-02-22 15:07:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-02-22 13:35:37 (#)
Ranking: 2
A
FUCKING
MEN
Um, wait... that might be taken wrong...
Er, uh...
Ah, fuck it.
+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
Okay, granted it's after 5 in the morning here, that shit surprised the hell out of me! I laughed so loud that i woke my housemate up. he came into my room from his room all like, "waaa zzzaaa fuck izz goiiin ooon" so I showed him this and he's all like, "Yeaah, wuddevar dude, i'm goin back to sleep." what a douchebag, right? oh man. That's pure comedy gold right there
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2005-02-22 15:04:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You think you had it bad?
I used to be a barman at a really rough pub.
Once a month they would have a "Ladies night". This consisted of around 5 guys going totally naked waving their wangs in the face of these women.
I had to go out among the 300 women collecting glasses.
I would go home bruised between my waist and about 10 inches below (OK about 5 inches). I was about 240lbs at the time.
It was unpleasant to say the least and the male nakedness was the least of it.
-Dave
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-02-22 14:48:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Chippendales = BARF.
I got blindfolded, kidnapped from my dorm and taken to a "Male Revue" strip show when I was pledging my sorority in college - it was supposed to be our pre-initiation surprise from our big sisters. It was the gheyest, most nastiest thing ever. I could not stop laughing.
One of the guys actually had a Jheri curl. And he was white.
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2005-02-22 14:29:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by EbolaMay (user info) at 2005-02-22 13:40:23 (#)
Ranking: 1
I wonder how much pussy those guys *really* get?
--------------------------------
Somehow, I'm not sure that's what they're looking for. Most straight guys just don't have the dedication to work out, or tan that much.
(Uh-oh, here comes the Chris Rock style bashing, "OMG, he insinuated that the Chippendales dancers are teh ghey!")
I'd find another line of work. Seriously.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2005-02-22 14:28:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
A HA HA HA HA HA <puke>
Submitted by lizzard (user info) at 2005-02-22 14:13:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
you know, i've always thought female strippers are less.... sickening than male ones.
i would totally strip in a club if i had the guts (and maybe one day, i will, for shits and giggles)... but guys doing a burlesque show is just wrong..
and theyre all kinda ugly and stupid looking.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-02-22 13:58:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
haha
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2005-02-22 13:58:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Chippendales isn't hot. Men with long hair and fake tans, all greased up and writing around in a banana hammock are not hot.
Gimme a boy with a swimmer's body in boxerbriefs with his hands down his pants ANY day of the week. Now THAT is hot.
Submitted by j0andre1 (user info) at 2005-02-22 13:47:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sounds like a whole loota mamma jamma for one stage, glad I don't have your job.
I'm a scientist.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2005-02-22 13:44:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by DJMattB241 (user info) at 2005-02-22 13:34:57 (#)
Ranking: 2
i pray this fate never befalls me, and i respect you for having not added to the vomit on the floor.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by EbolaMay (user info) at 2005-02-22 13:40:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I wonder how much pussy those guys *really* get?
Submitted by SPG (user info) at 2005-02-22 13:39:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I do hope you got paid well. Men should never, NEVER wear thongs. That's just wrong on so many levels.
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2005-02-22 13:38:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-02-22 13:32:18 (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't think it's hot. I think it's incredibly lame.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I love you Luce.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-02-22 13:35:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
A
FUCKING
MEN
Um, wait... that might be taken wrong...
Er, uh...
Ah, fuck it.
Submitted by DJMattB241 (user info) at 2005-02-22 13:34:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i pray this fate never befalls me, and i respect you for having not added to the vomit on the floor.
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-02-22 13:32:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I laughed my ass off.
And if I ever had to sit there and watch guys getting all faggy with their dances moves, I would be frigid for months.
I don't think it's hot. I think it's incredibly lame.