Random Drunks (474 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.88 on 8 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Andy Seymour <ariseymour.at.gmail.com> (View user info) at 2005-02-22 15:00:11 EST
So I'm coming home from the pub a few days ago with a couple of mates and as always, we decide to grab a pizza on the way. We're in the shop, we've ordered, just waiting for them to be cooked, when a couple of random drunks come in. For want of better names, I shall call them RD1 and RD2. It's a pretty small shop, so with them and a few other people, we're pretty much squashed up in the corner of the store. So the drunks order (one of them seeming a lot drunker than the other), then they turn towards us and start talking about football. Turns out they'd been down the pub watching a game. Suddenly RD1 asks us:
'None of you boys support Manchester United do you?'
We're all, like, 'No,' basically.
RD1: 'Good. See, he does. And I keep telling him he's just a glory supporter and all. Who do you support, then?'
Ed: 'I support Leicester.' Now, I'm thinking this is a pretty smart move, seeing as we're in Leicestershire, but it turns out he does actually support them.
RD1: 'Ha. Why? They're pretty crap, aren't they'
Ed just smiles at him.
RD2: 'Give him a break, man. Someone has to support them.' To me, 'And what about you?'
I tell him I support Watford, then the conversation tails off and they turn away again. Matt says to me, 'Hardly anyone from Manchester supports United anyway, they all support Man City. Only people from outside support United.'
Suddenly RD1 turns round again. 'You support Man City! Good on you man! Go on, shake my hand.'
Matt: 'No I don't, I was just saying...'
RD1: 'Hey, you hear that, man? He supports Man City! Good for him, eh?'
The conversation went on a bit more, then RD1 starts asking us what we think of eminem. So we're like, 'Yeah, he's all right, I suppose,' not wanting to piss this guy off or anything, cos he's freaking us out a bit by now, and he's seeming a bit scary. All of a sudden the guy starts trying to rap. And bear in mind he's pretty wasted, so it's hard to make out what he's saying, but it went something like this:
'you don' wanna fuck wit Shady,
Cos Shady will fuckin kill yu,
Said you don' wanna fuck wit Shady,
Cos Shady will fuckin kill yu.'
And I swear, he was doing this for about 5 minutes. Then all of a sudden, he was like, 'nah, don't worry kids, you know I'm only joking though. I just love Eminem. Here, let me shake your hand.'
So Ed, obviously trying not to laugh in his face, shakes his hand. Then, still holding on to Ed's hand, he says, 'have any of you boys ever drunk piss?' Ed quickly extracts his hand from his grip. 'No.'
'Back when I was in the army we used to drink each other's piss all the time. We used to have competitions to see who could drink the most and stuff. I mean, it's sterile anyway, ain't it. It's, like, it's not like it's anything you haven't eaten or drunk first, is it?'
Just then our number was called. I have to say, I have never been so grateful to be given food as I was then. We grabbed our pizzas and pretty much legged it out of the store and up the road. When we thought we were far enough away we slowed down and started to eat our pizza.
I will never forget the expression on Ed's face when he realised he had shaken hands with someone who admitted to drinking piss, then eaten pizza with that same hand.
User Reviews
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-02-22 20:35:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is for http://www.ubersite.com/m/60295
Submitted by SPG (user info) at 2005-02-22 15:38:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
that's slightly disturbing. but rather funny nonetheless
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2005-02-22 15:19:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Ok, but not great.
I think zakalwe pointed it out before me, but one post per day is the usual standard.
-Dave
Submitted by EbolaMay (user info) at 2005-02-22 15:16:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Fucking weirdo Limeys.
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2005-02-22 15:14:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
OK, but you should have saved this for tomorrow. A second post knocks earlier efforts off the front page.
Submitted by freebie (user info) at 2005-02-22 15:09:54 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Well, this is well written. And by well written I mean random, pointless and a waste of time.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2005-02-22 15:09:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by AwesomeJohnson (user info) at 2005-02-22 15:06:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
go Aberdeen!