The Tubgirl Story (sfw) (42275 hits)
Category: Humor -> Dirty HumorRating: 1.27 on 30 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by fudgepacknuts (View user info) at 2005-02-23 13:40:30 EST
You all know the picture, now hear the story.
If you are as of yet unaware of the 'tubgirl,' consider yourself lucky. However, if you would like to venture into a world of horror and disgust only few could withstand, feel free to visit www.tubgirl.com, (Be forewarned, though, that you may be sick for days afterwards), but I refuse to post the infamous picture here.
-----------------------------------------------------
-----------------------------------------------------
It is indeed a harrowing tale. A tale not suited for those faint of heart. Its origin is still unknown to many, but the effect it has had on the masses is exceedingly weighty and unbound by the constraints of human imagination. The unfortunate aspect the tale, however, is that it could happen to any one of us.
Not long ago, perhaps in the mid-1990's, a young Japanese girl had a vision. This laddess, named Miki Yakitori, while short in stature and perhaps not the most beautiful, was exceptionally driven by her dream of super-stardom in the field of entertainment. Day in and day out she would go to auditions searching for the 'breakout role' that would eventually lead to her success. She would spend hours upon hours running lines with her overweight and mentally crippled brother, Yakishiri.
Her numerous attempts were unfortunately frowned upon by talent scouts, studio executives, and producers nationwide. After again returning home with her head hung low, Miki looked for consolation with her Shinto gods. She prayed at her shrine and wept for hours. She asked her gods, 'Why? Why, of lords can't I find a way to provide for my retarded brother and prostitute mother? Please give me a sign that I will become a success! Please, I beg of you!'
Just then, Yakishiri waddled into the shrine and stood beside his sobbing sister. 'Miki,' he slurred. 'I know now what you must do. You must go to America to find success. It is only there that you can join the likes of Dana Plato, Shannon Tweed, and Ally Sheedy in superstardom.' He gently patted his sister's head with his cherubic hands and turned to leave the shrine.
As he was walking out, he didn't notice the Tamagotchi he left on the shrine floor. He walked right on it, slipped, and did a Greg Louganis-esque double backward one-and-a-half flip and landed directly on his nape with his feet straight up in the air. Almost instantaneously, the Kappa Maki and Unagi sushi and Yoo-hoo chocolate milk he had eaten for lunch came roaring back with a vengeance.
Right on his face.
The diarrhea broke through the seal of his man-diapers, spewed two feet in the air, and formed a perfect concave down arch that landed directly on his pudgy face. All the while, Miki looked on in horror as her slow, but gentle brother gargled the bile and remains from that day's meal. She stood up and ran to her brother, pushed his legs down, and while almost vomiting herself from the stench, slipped on one of the many feces-laden puddles and fell directly head first into her brother's spewing anus.
It took many weeks for Miki to recover from the trauma of this event. Then one day, she was talking with her best friend, Sagamoto, and for the first time told someone what happened. Sagamoto was not as consoling as she had hoped. For days Sagamoto laughed and laughed, and told whomever she knew of the story. After a while, it was the talk of Miki's town. Everyone wanted to know about the infamous event between Miki and Yakishiri. It was almost mythical in nature. No one believed it could actually be real. People started coming to Miki and told her they would pay her money to see this again.
Epiphany.
The lightbulb finally went off in Miki's head. This was her big break. This idea, while utterly disgusting and repulsive in nature, could be what got her impoverished Okinawan family a better life.
So, on a warm spring day, Miki went to her local grocer, bought three Unagi sushi rolls, three kappa maki rolls, and three bottles of yoo-hoo.
The rest is history.
User Reviews
Submitted by HellRazer (user info) at 2009-06-24 08:28:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
very entertaining.
Submitted by THERAPlST (user info) at 2009-06-24 05:25:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2005-12-22 13:37:25 PST (#)
Ranking: 2
this comes up result no.6 or something when searching 'tubgirl' on google.
don't ask me how i know that
-------
Its true. D:
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2005-12-22 16:42:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2005-12-22 16:37:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
this comes up result no.6 or something when searching 'tubgirl' on google.
don't ask me how i know that
Submitted by boomslang (user info) at 2005-03-31 15:44:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It's an article about the person who set up the tubgirl site. Apparently, someone found out who it was and kinda beat them up. Well there's a lot more, but you're probably better off reading it for yourself.
=========================================
I clicked on that link and was immediately owned.
Submitted by Degreeless_Capibara (user info) at 2005-03-22 22:55:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I think you might like this: http://www.roflmao.com/laugh
It's an article about the person who set up the tubgirl site. Apparently, someone found out who it was and kinda beat them up. Well there's a lot more, but you're probably better off reading it for yourself.
Submitted by podium (user info) at 2005-03-22 22:49:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Wiggles (user info) at 2005-02-23 21:01:13 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
No Comment
Submitted by Joemama (user info) at 2005-02-23 20:45:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-02-23 18:14:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/54502
Hmm, I've wondered what the backstory was behind this...the only downside I can see is that I do not believe she was Japanese; she pretty much looks like a white girl.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2005-02-23 16:05:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by fudgepacker (user info </cgi-bin/message_get.cgi?user_id=13163>) at 2005-02-23 15:37:55 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2005-02-23 15:34:01 (#)
Ranking: -2
ASS.
Go suck your own scrotum.
-----------------------------
why? because i don't simply post lyrics to a song and try to tug on peoples heartstrings with their meaning all the while not being able to come up with anything original on my own?
OH WAIT!!! THAT'S YOU!!
fag.
==============================
Most of my posts *ARE* original, if you care to look:
http://www.ubersite.com/m/60291
http://www.ubersite.com/m/60224
http://www.ubersite.com/m/59892
http://www.ubersite.com/m/59027
http://www.ubersite.com/m/58533
http://www.ubersite.com/m/58343
http://www.ubersite.com/m/57879
http://www.ubersite.com/m/57560
http://www.ubersite.com/m/57347
http://www.ubersite.com/m/57242
http://www.ubersite.com/m/57229
http://www.ubersite.com/m/57112
Pardon my "rules" violation for sharing what I consider a meaningful song w/ Uber on a day I just happen to be dry on original material! I'd wager more people would rather see copied/pasted lyrics any day than some crappy Photoshop/Paint pictures or "BEST EVAR" photos or Carol Richards hate post crap.
To each their own opinion, though.
Interesting also, not that I really care, whom of the two of us has the higher average rating....
Well, it's 3PM. Time for me to go home and sleep with my wife.
Submitted by AwesomeJohnson (user info) at 2005-02-23 15:50:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
pretty messed up, but i like that. making up backstories is fun...i've done it myself. on here. but since you didn't drop the picture, i won't drop a link. cheers!
Submitted by fudgepacker (user info) at 2005-02-23 15:37:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2005-02-23 15:34:01 (#)
Ranking: -2
ASS.
Go suck your own scrotum.
-----------------------------
why? because i don't simply post lyrics to a song and try to tug on peoples heartstrings with their meaning all the while not being able to come up with anything original on my own?
OH WAIT!!! THAT'S YOU!!
fag.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2005-02-23 15:34:01 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
ASS.
Go suck your own scrotum.
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2005-02-23 14:25:13 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
-2 for making me lose my appetite
i never knew poocano was a word
Submitted by ess-arr (user info) at 2005-02-23 14:24:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
good tale... i still refuse to see that pic...
Submitted by Drone_of_Industry (user info) at 2005-02-23 14:21:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I've seen the picture too.
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2005-02-23 14:11:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
for the sushi.
Submitted by wanderingsharps (user info) at 2005-02-23 14:02:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
great. lolojope with her fat girls in bikinis earlier,
now this.
I'm going home, taking a scalding shower and using a brillo pad to
clean myself.
thanks...just what i needed today...
-2 for the metal images stuck in my mind.
+4 for the shear evil factor.
Submitted by KBCommando (user info) at 2005-02-23 13:58:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Dude, SICK! I think she funnels dirty water into it then uses ten times the force of gravity to poocano it back out. HA!
Submitted by fudgepacker (user info) at 2005-02-23 13:57:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2005-02-23 13:45:16 (#)
Ranking: 0
"laddess"? wtf is a laddess? Are you maybe thinking the female version of the scottish vernacular "Lad"? Because that would be Lass. Or Lassie.
fuckin "laddess". I stopped reading after that.
------------------------------
I is sorry massuh. bu choo kno dat mah skeelz at duh writin' aint as good as yors.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-02-23 13:53:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Thanks for clearing that up. I always wondered about the genesis of Tubgirl, and I would have grown old and gray waiting for E to make a True Hollywood Story.
Submitted by WhatTheHell (user info) at 2005-02-23 13:53:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I threw up a little in my mouth.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-02-23 13:51:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-02-23 13:48:04 (#)
Ranking: 2
Just seeing the word tubgirl makes me see that pic in my head, and cringe.
---
Jay, you need to get out of my head man! ;)
Submitted by WhoLetYouIn (user info) at 2005-02-23 13:49:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Gross.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-02-23 13:48:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Just seeing the word tubgirl makes me see that pic in my head, and cringe.
So -2 for that.
+4 however, for giving me an equally disturbing story.
I don't know WHY it gets a +2 overall, but it does.
Submitted by tech-junkie (user info) at 2005-02-23 13:45:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Shenanigans.
But it was still funny as hell.
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2005-02-23 13:45:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
"laddess"? wtf is a laddess? Are you maybe thinking the female version of the scottish vernacular "Lad"? Because that would be Lass. Or Lassie.
fuckin "laddess". I stopped reading after that.
Submitted by Tuxebux (user info) at 2005-02-23 13:42:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
nice.
Submitted by tidalfae (user info) at 2005-02-23 13:42:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
that's not safe for anything.