use it to your advantage (873 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: goodfiction
Rating: 1.53 on 24 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Corn Nugget (View user info) at 2005-02-25 00:23:03 EST
I stood on the balcony, overlooking the busy avenue that lay nine stories below me. Even at midnight, the cacophony of horns and vendors permeated the air.
Speaking of the air- Cairo cools down at night, the smog seems to lift, and the peoples are jubilant with the energy the had stored durring the thick heat of the day.
Being nine floors up, I'm blessed with a comforting northerly breeze. It ruffles my hair, cools my skin (almost too much- I'm tempted to go inside for a sweater), and keeps the tip of my cigarrette glowing.
I find myself constantly distracted by a dogs bark. The dog that barks lives on the roof of the adjacent building. A few times a day I see his owner step onto the roof to lay down scraps of food, or fill his water. The rest of the day the dog is alone. I suppose he barks to pass the time.
The sorrow I feel for this dog is irrational. I pity the poor German Shepard so much that I'm tempted to try my hand at a rescue attempt. At different times each day I concoct elaborate rescue scheems in my head (usually involving airplanes and parachutes). The true irony is that I feel nothing for the packs of stray dogs that roam the streets. Never am I tempted to try to offer them a bit of my shawarma, I don't wonder where they find water, and I don't pity them as they lay dead in the parks.
I only focus on the dog on the roof. The dog who has an owner who provides food. The dog who has a safe place to roam. The dog who will easily live twice as long as any of the renegade strays that feast on the entrails of Cairo.
My biggest fear is that I am that dog. I am the captive pure-bred, kept safe and protected. From my perch on the highest point in life (his roof, my social status), I can not see the world around me as it truly is.
The German Shepard does not know that the noise that rattles below him is traffic, nor does he know what it's like to run free with a pack. Most likely, being a dog, he is perfectly content to live his life, for, how could he know that there is something better?
How could he know the joy of chasing a cat through the cemetary? He would never miss the soft feel of dirt beneath his feet, nor feel the pride at finding a sandwich burried beneath a heap of rubbish.
I'm ready to dig through the trash.
I hold my cigarrete between my thumb and middle finger, and flick it into the street below. I lean over the railing, watching to see where it lands. Half of me prays that it doesn't land on a passerby, while the other half roots for the opposite.
It lands on the top of a parked taxi.
I go inside. Everyone is gathered in the sitting room. They sit, poised with dainty plates on their knees, each plate is overflowing with ghatto. The only thing elitist Egyptians love more than French culture is French cake.
Bits and pieces of the conversation flow by. My sister and mother are discussing the Koran, particularly, how it's authenticity is obviously apparent due to the complicated writing style, "No man could have made it up! It is Gods word!". They argue with each other, yet they fail to see they both belive the same thing, and are arguing in the same direction.
My father is discussing textiles with my brothers and uncles. Each of my brothers, anxious to inherit the business, work hard to show their skills and knowlege to father.
The children play beneath the dining room table.
Two of my aunts are in the kitchen, fussing with the maid.
My youngest niece lays sleeping before the stairs.
Grandmother stands stoicly in the hall. She's obviously torn between the hubbub in the kitchen, the sleeping child near the stairs, and the religious conversation.
I want nothing more than to retire to my room, yet I cannot. Such a social gaff would be the end of me. The thought of staying up any later sickens me. I can't bare the idea of discussing Mohammed (pbuh), fetching more tea, or discussing fabric design. I can't---
Someone is at the door. Our heads all swivel around in unison, taking count. Yes, the whole family is here, so who would be at the door? For a second, nobody moved. The women all began to nervously titter as father went to the door.
I didn't have my hair covered, so I was careful to move over a bit- out of sight of the visitor. Yet I stayed close enough to hear what was being said.
The following words registered "loud and clear" (or so they say in American films):
"cigarette"
"fire"
"no"
"no"
"no"
Father raised his voice, telling the man that nobody in his household was smoking on the balcony, "The men- we are all here, sitting in the room. We were not there!"
One by one everyone realized what had happened. I saw each set of eyes alight upon me once they had thought it through. The crimson spreading across my face confirmed everything.
"Habiba!" mother jumped up, and came toward me, a scolding tone in her voice, "Mish Mumkin!" impossible, she said... Impossible that I had smoked a cigarette. Though I had never sat through a lecture on smoking, I had endured enough etiqute training to know what was soon to follow.
And I decided to rebel.
For me, a well bred arabic woman, that is not a light decision to make. I had been making it my whole life, and the German Shepard had put the spirit into me.
I wont bore you with the details of our heated exchange, I will only tell you that I got my way.
I won my freedom. I had shamed my family, first by smoking, and finally by disrespecting mother before her family.
***
And now, as I sit on the streets in my black gallibaya, peddalling "magic" to tourists, and reciving backsheesh for my services, I can tell my story.
Don't look upon my haggard face, riddled with wrinkles and browned by the sun, with pity. It is you that I pity.
It is better to be a stray.
User Reviews
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-02-26 02:16:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That was astounding.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-02-26 02:07:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome! I liked the fact that the narrator is happier in her less advantageous social position. That makes the whole story worth reading.
Good work.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2005-02-25 20:54:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Davy, no... I dont care about ratings. (although I am annoyed by that other fuck who retaliated on this post with a -2)
I'm usually pretty good about running my stuff through a checker. This particular post was done hurriedly because I was trying to get Satisfy Shandy's need for "serious fiction" on the site.
I also had to worry about my fans on AIM, who were told to "wait til I'm posting to message me again.".
What I'm saying is:
Thank you god
Thanks to my producer
Thanks to all the great minds that go into works such as Ubersite
And, most of all-
I thank my fans.
Submitted by MandaPanda (user info) at 2005-02-25 17:24:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ah, fuck off, Circe.
I gave some advice on something that bothered me as I was reading it. It was an honest opinion, so don't get so flippant about it.
I was saying that it would flow more if em dashes were used. I wasn't telling Corn that her story absolutely sucked because of her usage of parenthesis. I gave my reasoning behind that comment, so don't be a bitch to me just because I suggested something.
Submitted by DavyJones (user info) at 2005-02-25 16:31:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Sorry if you took my 1 as me being an ass.
I thought the story was real good, but I can't understand why people don't take the minute or less to ensure that their (serious) writing is as perfect as they can make it.
Your justifaction doesn't make sense to me...sure, write it outside of word and just flow...but at the end, why not run it through to fix silly typo's and spelling errors?
I'm sure my opinion means little in the end of the day anyway, but those are just my thoughts.
Submitted by wtf_is_going_on (user info) at 2005-02-25 10:44:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You shoudl've just jumped off the building! You surely would've been dead
cause you were on the 9th floor!
Submitted by cuberat (user info) at 2005-02-25 10:17:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It is better to be a stray.
It is better to be free than safe.
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2005-02-25 09:47:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
te amo
Submitted by Dustbrother (user info) at 2005-02-25 09:46:59 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2005-02-25 09:32:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Davy- I didn't spellcheck, nor did I proofread. You forgot to point out the missing "y" at the end of "the" in the second paragraph.
I write in order to convey ideas and express myself, not to worry about mudane spelling details.
Although I know poor spelling does distract from a story... your focus shifts to the errors instead of the whole.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-02-25 09:10:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Consider my ass kicked.
Submitted by DavyJones (user info) at 2005-02-25 03:58:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
"scheems" "cigarrete"
:(
Submitted by Leonfc (user info) at 2005-02-25 03:51:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Calm almost poetic style, very good!!!
Thank you!!
Submitted by sparkle_pink (user info) at 2005-02-25 03:34:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Amazing.
Submitted by Joemama (user info) at 2005-02-25 03:34:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You seem to get better, with every new story.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-02-25 03:20:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by MandaPanda (user info) at 2005-02-25 00:46:15 (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow. I really liked this.
The only thing that I could suggest is to use em dashes instead of parenthesis. It didn't quite flow in the areas that you used them--at least to me.
Other than that, awesome writing.
___________
???
Sound literary advice there from "MandaPanda"....
Love you, Corinne.
Submitted by DonovanMD (user info) at 2005-02-25 03:12:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
MORE PEOPLE SHOULD READ THIS!
Only 7 reviews?
Excellent work.
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2005-02-25 02:02:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i love you
Submitted by Benny (user info) at 2005-02-25 01:20:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Very good story.
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2005-02-25 00:51:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Someday I hope to fuck your brains out.
Submitted by MandaPanda (user info) at 2005-02-25 00:46:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow. I really liked this.
The only thing that I could suggest is to use em dashes instead of parenthesis. It didn't quite flow in the areas that you used them--at least to me.
Other than that, awesome writing.
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-02-25 00:40:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
HI! I have a question for you. If the moon was made of cheese, would you eat it? Well, would ya? It's a simple question. If the moon was made of cheese, would you eat it? I know I would!
Submitted by Saxon (user info) at 2005-02-25 00:32:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Always enjoy reading your stuff.
Submitted by screamfeeder (user info) at 2005-02-25 00:27:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This made me sad for some reason.