Next on Fox: Australia's Most Irritating Passengers (1682 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: crap:humour
Rating: 1.95 on 49 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Circe <fickle.muse.at.gmail.com> (View user info) at 2005-02-25 09:06:02 EST
So. Summer in Australia, midafternoon on a major road, and there's some kind of truck related incident up ahead and I think someone may have been hurt and there may have been a puppy involved but that's not my problem, my problem is I'm stuck in the fucking car with four little darlings, only three of which are mine and thus respect me as they should.
Let me tell you about my car. I love my car. But it has this THING that means the cooling fan sometimes, occasionally, temperamentally ceases to work. This means that the only thing cooling the engine is the intake of air and when the car is not moving.... yeah.
(Yes, I KNOW I'm going to blow the head gasket if I keep driving it. Yes, I'm taking it to an autoelectrician next week. Shut up.)
So there we are, happy happy joy and the fan has stopped working and the car is doing that weird thing it does where the pointy bit goes waaaaaaay up near that red mark. And we're stuck. You know the feeling - can't turn around, can't jump the queue. You're stuck there until God decides to stop punishing you for the thing with the topless waitress.
My beautiful niece, god bless her and keep her out of my car, is unhappy. And here follows the conversation. Fucking read it. I suffer agonies to entertain you people and YOU WILL BE ENTERTAINED GODDAMN YOU VULTURES ALWAYS PICKPICKPICKING AT EVERY FUCKING THING I CREATE.
The cast:
Me (25, looks 40, feels dead)
The Boy (7)
The Niece (6)
Twin A and Twin B (21 months)
Niece: I'm sweating.
Boy: Me too.
Niece: I've been hot alllllllll daaaaaaaaay and now I'm stuck in the desert.
Boy: Yeah. Mum, we're hot.
Me: You may have to start drinking your own urine to survive.
Niece: ...
Boy: Fine then. We're on Pluto.
Me: Do you have to drink your own urine on Pluto?
Boy: No. It's the coldest planet.
Me: You may have to urinate on yourself to keep warm.
Niece: My Mum says that when you say things like that I should ignore you.
Me: Did she say anything about walking home with no shoes on?
Niece: No.
Me: She's neglected your education.
Niece: What does neglect mean?
Boy: It's what I do to my fish.
Twin A: NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!
Me: What's she yelling at?
Niece: Her sister is spitting at her.
Boy: Neglect is what Mum does to her car.
Me: Do you want to eat again, ever?
Boy: Only if someone else cooks.
Me: I hate you.
Boy: You wish.
Niece: I need to go to the toilet.
Boy: Urinate on Mum to keep her warm.
User Reviews
Submitted by nrduncan (user info) at 2005-03-22 17:35:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Faithless_Whisper (user info) at 2005-03-04 11:35:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This +2 is solely for the AWESOME photos. My camera takes the same kind.
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2005-02-27 00:45:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice, Ser-Sea, although Twin B's dialogue was a little, I dunno - flat.
Faithfully Yours,
Danger_Ranger (pronounced: Dain-jar_Rain-jarr)
Submitted by NocternalDragon (user info) at 2005-02-26 23:16:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This was funny
Submitted by KillWomen (user info) at 2005-02-26 23:10:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for your son.
Submitted by jack11058 (user info) at 2005-02-26 23:09:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2005-02-25 10:16:10 (#)
Ranking: 2
How is it you can't write a bad post?
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2005-02-26 22:57:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Fine then. We're on Pluto.
Submitted by Ivy (user info) at 2005-02-26 08:22:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"there may have been a puppy involved but that's not my problem"
___
Ha! Made me laugh out loud.
Submitted by Bickerstaff (user info) at 2005-02-25 18:41:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
She just keeps writing em, doesn't she?
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2005-02-25 17:20:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2005-02-25 09:25:20 (#)
Ranking: 2
How come your kids are better conversationalists than half the people who think it's fun to post their AIM chat transcripts here?
And be a silly female at the mechanic. That way, you can tell yourself that you're just appeasing me, and not doing it all on your own.
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2005-02-25 15:50:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Good post.
TAKE CARE OF YOUR FUCKING CAR!!!
women
Submitted by jumpinjellyfish (user info) at 2005-02-25 15:36:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You are a very funny lady.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2005-02-25 13:33:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by matnotharry (user info) at 2005-02-25 12:37:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Me: Do you want to eat again, ever?
Boy: Only if someone else cooks.
----------------------
the seven year old is a legend
Submitted by lush (user info) at 2005-02-25 12:34:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The bottom picture is pretty
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2005-02-25 12:29:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Your kids are funnier than I am.
That makes me very sad.
Also: Check your damned MSN, woman!
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2005-02-25 12:27:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Your son is hilarious.
Submitted by Rawrg (user info) at 2005-02-25 11:32:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I love your dialogue with children. Thank God you're not my mother.
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2005-02-25 10:54:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
all I see when I close my eyes is your boob post.
Submitted by MickGinny (user info) at 2005-02-25 10:53:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-02-25 10:30:04 (#)
Ranking: 0
Yes, Mick. You're vewwy vewwy special.
_____________________
Awwww. That is so sweet of you to say that, even though it is probably a veiled reference to my special olympics eligibility.
seriously circe, don't take my comments personally, (unless however you are compelled to Show us yer teets once again) it is just my way of gauging a person who has triggered my interest
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2005-02-25 10:48:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for not killing other people's demon spawn.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-02-25 10:36:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Not that we need any help with that...
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-02-25 10:33:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Kids are always at their best and worst when they are being little bastards.
Lyn, your awesomeness is really beginning to make the rest of us look bad.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-02-25 10:30:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Yes, Mick. You're vewwy vewwy special.
Submitted by MickGinny (user info) at 2005-02-25 10:26:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Show us yer teets!
Submitted by JohnGalt (user info) at 2005-02-25 10:21:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2005-02-25 10:16:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
How is it you can't write a bad post?
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-02-25 10:13:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This was hilarious.
The little blue "I dunno" guy cracked me the fuck up for some reason.
I'm insane.
Submitted by Dannie (user info) at 2005-02-25 10:13:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Your kids rock..
or something.
Don't hit me.
I'm sure they are horrific deamons.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-02-25 10:00:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Soley_Trinity (user info) at 2005-02-25 09:55:55 (#)
Ranking: 2
For the kids.
___________
Don't you DARE pity the soul destroying little dem -
Uh.
I mean, yes. For the kids, God bless their little hearts.
Submitted by Soley_Trinity (user info) at 2005-02-25 09:55:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
For the kids.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-02-25 09:55:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2005-02-25 09:39:13 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2005-02-25 09:25:20 (#)
Ranking: 2
How come your kids are better conversationalists than half the people who think it's fun to post their AIM chat transcripts here?
-----
BAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2005-02-25 09:50:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Niece: My Mum says that when you say things like that I should ignore you.
Me: Did she say anything about walking home with no shoes on?
Niece: No.
Me: She's neglected your education."
Gold.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-02-25 09:47:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Yeah yeah.. it's supposed to be that white line diagonal thingy they put there.. I lack artistic skills.
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2005-02-25 09:42:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Dustbrother (user info) at 2005-02-25 09:31:43 (#)
Ranking: -2
anyone else notice the spliff at the turnoff?
=========================
So what?
You gave this a neg rating because of the Spliff?
Are you a rabid anti-Spliffite or just a jackass?
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2005-02-25 09:42:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Wicked... You fixed the shadow direction on the first palm tree too! I like...
Submitted by hairycoo (user info) at 2005-02-25 09:42:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2005-02-25 09:13:36 (#)
Ranking: 2
But they have Australian accents, so at least half the time you must be thinking, "Damn, they're so annoying but when they bitch it sounds sexy."
______
feckin pedo
____________
Circe - you dont seem like any other W.A people Ive met. Im concerned that my comfortable ignorance is being challenged.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2005-02-25 09:39:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2005-02-25 09:25:20 (#)
Ranking: 2
How come your kids are better conversationalists than half the people who think it's fun to post their AIM chat transcripts here?
Submitted by Dustbrother (user info) at 2005-02-25 09:31:43 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
anyone else notice the spliff at the turnoff?
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-02-25 09:28:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
nice dialogue
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-02-25 09:26:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Your eyelids look exactly like the beach in Mexico I went to.
Great post.
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2005-02-25 09:25:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
How come your kids are better conversationalists than half the people who think it's fun to post their AIM chat transcripts here?
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2005-02-25 09:18:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I understand the brown bits and the green bits but where are the pink bits?
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2005-02-25 09:16:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by funk_boy (user info) at 2005-02-25 09:15:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
kids are 'musin
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2005-02-25 09:13:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
But they have Australian accents, so at least half the time you must be thinking, "Damn, they're so annoying but when they bitch it sounds sexy."
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-02-25 09:13:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Herpes (user info) at 2005-02-25 09:10:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
If I were to urinate on you, it would be considered a fetish.
Submitted by Mitchapalooza (user info) at 2005-02-25 09:08:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
you're 25 and have 3 kids.
Holy crap.
You've been busy.