Sleepwalking Awake (320 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.25 on 5 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Andy Seymour <ariseymour.at.gmail.com> (View user info) at 2005-02-25 10:43:40 EST
Everything seems washed-out. I remember when colours were more vivid, more alive, but all I can see now are dull, pale likenesses of what they once were. I hear noises, voices. People talking, but the sounds are faint, distorted, as if coming from afar. Are they talking to me? It's hard to tell. A blur of motion, coming to a halt in front of my desk. I blink a few times, shake my head, trying to focus, to concentrate. I struggle to make out the words. Apparently my performance is slipping, apparently they may have to replace me soon. I can't seem to gather enough energy to care.
The day ends. I know I can't drive, so I start the long walk home. A crossing, cars rushing past. The red man, laughing at me from across the street. Green man, I cross. Another junction. Red man. Green man. Red man, green man. The crossings, the faded colours. They all blur together.
I'm standing in front of a door. My house. I go in. Not enough energy to cook, I have a sandwich, watch the news, take a bath. Another early night.
I lie staring at the ceiling for an hour, thoughts rushing through my head. Guilt, fear, self-loathing, all the basest, most negative emotions build up. What did I do wrong? Why did I say that? If only I'd paid more attention, concentrated more, tried harder. All the things I've done wrong in my life run through my brain. Why do they wait till I'm trying to sleep to come?
I open my eyes, turn to look at my clock. Two in the morning. Four hours of sleep. Not enough, but I know I'll get no more this night. I lie exhausted but sleepless until the grey light of dawn seeps through my thin curtains to light my room. I prepare for another days work, knowing that this may be the last day, that soon my sleeplessness will lose me that job. Who knows, maybe then I'll get some sleep.
User Reviews
Submitted by ariseymour (user info) at 2005-02-25 12:15:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I do suffer from insomnia but not this badly, it sort of comes and goes. I wrote this at 4 this morning, along with another couple of pieces which I will probably post over the weekend.
I'm also not at work, I'm at Uni, but I felt it worked better in a work environment, it doesn't really matter so much at Uni, you can just miss lectures and no one cares.
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2005-02-25 11:01:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm there mate. It's a never ending circle... fuck work.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-02-25 10:56:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I think theres more to it than just the man's job.
I hope your not terminally fucked mate. Best of luck.
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2005-02-25 10:48:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
This is how I felt at my last job. Assuming this is at least partially autobiographical, escape while you can. It'll be the best thing you ever do.
Submitted by wtf_is_going_on (user info) at 2005-02-25 10:45:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't see what this really has to do with sleep walking.
Can you even sleep walk while you're awake?
That doesn't make sense!