I quit my job today. This is the letter I sent to my managers. (2802 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.49 on 42 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by jayjonze <crazfool003.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2005-02-25 19:15:50 EST
To Whom It May Concern:
Effective immediately I have decided to resign my brain-deadening job as a manager in this shit hole money pit you call a business. Instead of just resigning and keeping my mouth shut, I have decided to tell you all what I think about my superiors and my peers. Buckle up motherfuckers. (Don't worry I'll make this real simple so even your cockroach sized brains can comprehend it)
Bill (My HR Consultant): I have never seen someone who so enjoys hearing themselves speak. You are a cocksucker with too much power and too little brains. You are the only person I know who thinks that if you say something loud enough, you must be correct. I hope you rot in hell.
Dave (My direct manager): You stupid son of a bitch. I have never met someone so lazy in my life. I swear that if I had been in charge, you would be picking up cigarette buts and cleaning the bottom of toilet seats. You aren't qualified to manage a fucking fishbowl never mind a department. It is obvious that your wife owns you and your balls, and that you take out your frustrations on your employees. Get a therapist and a clue. Your only redeeming quality is that you will eventually die.
Paul (My fellow manager): I will rite dis duh way yoo rite me emale so thate you can understood it. Yew arr a fuking moron. I kant belive thate youe can driv or dile a talifone. I tink youe arr goinge tu dye a paneful death in ane ezily avoidable acksident like dirvin offe a cliffe ore fergetting tu lite a pilote lite on ur stove. You hav the inteligents of a pensil sharpner. Go Fuk urself, thak cheebus dat yew have no childs.
Dominic (The Director): If I looked up "Spineless Piece of Shit" in the dictionary, your picture would be next to the definition. You are such a fucking fag. Every time I see your sniveling face it makes me want to punch you so hard your mother (who I fucked) feels it. Get some fucking sack. Fire some people. Rattle the cage a little bit. If you weren't so concerned about what people think, this place would make money instead of being a black hole of profit that it is now.
Rick (My Fellow Manager): You are another piece of work. You are the stereotypical sufferer of little man syndrome. You are about five feet tall and work out like a madman. You have a big truck and a small dick and we all know it. Fuck You.
In closing I would like to thank you all for showing me what not to do with my life. Had any of you had any sense of patriotism or love for the human race, you would have shot yourselves years ago. The fact that most of you have children makes me want to start supporting Al Queda. I hope you all die painful and horrible deaths and if I were given the option I would gladly assist you. Fuck you all with broom handles covered in HIV.
Respectfully Submitted,
Jay Jonze
User Reviews
Submitted by jumpinjellyfish (user info) at 2005-03-23 10:06:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Great rant.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-03-23 07:19:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Wazza (user info) at 2005-02-26 00:43:51 (#)
Ranking: 2
Very funny, i hope its true.
Submitted by ATILLAtheGREAT (user info) at 2005-03-05 14:08:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
yessss i want to do the same.
Submitted by Zoidberg (user info) at 2005-03-04 02:13:56 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by FreeRadical (user info) at 2005-02-28 00:55:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Fucking hilarious. I believe there's a "Paul" and "Bill" everywhere.
I certainly have them at my job.
Submitted by Fartman (user info) at 2005-02-26 13:58:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Bravo!
Submitted by Soley_Trinity (user info) at 2005-02-26 07:54:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Y wer u so harshh on pool?
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2005-02-26 07:18:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by KillWomen (user info) at 2005-02-25 20:17:00 (#)
Ranking: 1
Your only redeeming quality is that you will eventually die.
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HAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHHAHHAHHAHAHHAHAA!
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Best put down EVAR!
Submitted by Banga3386 (user info) at 2005-02-26 06:59:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You have a big truck and a small dick and we all know it.
I think I'm going to use certain descriptions in my quitting notice since they seem to be universal to everyone's job. Great work sir.
Bang
Submitted by jojojojojojo (user info) at 2005-02-26 06:27:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Nice, but I can't help the feeling that your resonant rant really just represents something you WANT to do - not something you actually HAVE done. Oh well. +1 for the sentiment - which I share.
Submitted by nunga-nunga (user info) at 2005-02-26 02:48:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Your only redeeming quality is that you will eventually die."
:)
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-02-26 02:27:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Your only redeeming quality is that you will eventually die.
Submitted by Herpes (user info) at 2005-02-26 02:11:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Do it.
Submitted by Joemama (user info) at 2005-02-26 01:33:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
You are correct \/...Jay
Submitted by Web_Head (user info) at 2005-02-26 01:16:54 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Sounds like someone has some misplaced rage. Perhaps anger due to your sexual interest in your mother?
Submitted by Web_Head (user info) at 2005-02-26 01:16:06 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Sounds like someone has some misplaced rage. Perhaps anger due to your sexual interest in your mother?
Submitted by griffsrgr8 (user info) at 2005-02-26 00:58:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Beautiful.
Submitted by Wazza (user info) at 2005-02-26 00:43:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Very funny, i hope its true.
Submitted by DyingBreed (user info) at 2005-02-26 00:25:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
so did you really send this to them or not? if you did, thats FUCKING AWESOME!
"Your only redeeming quality is that you will eventually die."
love that line
Submitted by Dustbrother (user info) at 2005-02-26 00:03:18 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by jack11058 (user info) at 2005-02-25 23:33:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by boneface (user info) at 2005-02-25 23:10:37 (#)
Ranking: 2
you should have capitalized "cheebus."
Submitted by boneface (user info) at 2005-02-25 23:10:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
you should have capitalized "cheebus."
Submitted by Ex_Lux_Astrum (user info) at 2005-02-25 22:43:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
me laugh....alot.
Submitted by Zackstersmackster (user info) at 2005-02-25 21:59:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That is funny as hell. I like the part where you pick on the guy who can't spell or write a decent e-mail or memo, reminds me of my boss (who incidentally is out on "stress leave" and may not come back...WOO!)
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2005-02-25 21:21:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
They wont read past the 2nd line.
Submitted by TheStitch (user info) at 2005-02-25 20:42:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That's some funny shit. I once had a job where I felt the same way about most of my superiors, so I can relate. Wish I had an outlet like Uber back then to air my frustrations.
Submitted by gimpy9780 (user info) at 2005-02-25 20:40:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by jayjonze (user info) at 2005-02-25 20:35:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Everything you ever wanted to know about lokee
User id: 14675
Registered on or around: 2004-12-15 11:19:23
# Messages posted: 5
# Reviews written: 46
# Times these posts have been reviewed : 98
# Hits: 1190
Average rating of all messages: -1.27
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Is this Paul?
Submitted by Otters (user info) at 2005-02-25 20:25:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I like the part to Paul the most, I think. Ah, I wish people had the balls to do this more often.
Submitted by lokee (user info) at 2005-02-25 20:22:50 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Would be cool if it was true.
Unfortunately by reviewing your previous posts (i.e. best soda ever) I see you do not have the balls to ever hand over a resignation letter such as this.
You will be going in to work on Monday with your tail between your legs saying "yes sir" to the corporate head-honchos.
Submitted by KillWomen (user info) at 2005-02-25 20:17:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Your only redeeming quality is that you will eventually die.
-----------------------------------
HAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHHAHHAHHAHAHHAHAA!
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-02-25 20:03:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
St. Shlongy.
St. Shlongy's Day.
That does have a nice ring to it.
Submitted by Tigre (user info) at 2005-02-25 19:58:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You got some balls. I respect that. *Secret man-nod*
Submitted by Dead_0hi0_Sky (user info) at 2005-02-25 19:55:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
quite easily the most priceless and talent-filled piece of art ever to grace the Ubersite stage. i applaud you. good show, chap.
Submitted by Feijuada (user info) at 2005-02-25 19:55:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I hope you really sent this letter.
It makes me happy when people actually say what they think instead of being pussy and being nice.
Submitted by jayjonze (user info) at 2005-02-25 19:43:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You are a Saint Shlongy, I just put it my notice today, I may send it based on my mood in the next two weeks and my alcohol intake........
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-02-25 19:40:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I was thinking about -1-ing you for that admission.
But I'm in a good mood today...
Submitted by jayjonze (user info) at 2005-02-25 19:35:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-02-25 19:30:47 (#)
Ranking: 1
It's a great letter.
I wish I believed that you really sent it.
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If I titled this, "This is the letter I wish I had sent" Noone would read it. I write for fun, reporters write for fact (sometimes)....
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-02-25 19:30:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
It's a great letter.
I wish I believed that you really sent it.
Submitted by Deamon (user info) at 2005-02-25 19:30:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by EbolaMay (user info) at 2005-02-25 19:24:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I see the maturity level in corporate America continues to rise....
Submitted by L-Gizzle (user info) at 2005-02-25 19:21:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
funny, but true?