Vomit and Cheetos: The Smell of Death (736 hits)
Category: Quotes & StoriesRating: 0.78 on 18 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by harmlessness (View user info) at 2005-02-25 22:43:26 EST
**Author's Note: This is fiction. Very homoerotic fiction. Thanks to Kazzerax for the title.
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Being a teenager, I have a strong desire for food, at any and every hour of the day. I'm always munching on something; usually popcorn, Doritos, or my favorite- Cheetos. This is problematic because I'm poor. I never have money. So people have seen me do some pretty stupid stuff to get my daily junk food fix.
One night, about a week ago, I was hanging out at a friend's house. His mom and step dad are extremely uptight about where their money goes, or who it goes to, for that matter. So after baking in the garage, looking at cars, and playing PlayStation all night, I was hungry. I was very hungry.
The problem with me being hungry in their house is simple: they have tons of food, but they literally have padlocks on the cabinet doors. Of course, I could pick the locks, but not with what they had readily available. Plus, the step dad wanders into the kitchen sporadically every once in a while over the course of a night. Obviously, I could bust the doors open, but that would result in banishment from his house forever. And I don't like being banished from houses.
I went to his mom and asked for some Doritos. No luck.
Several tries later, she conceded. She told me that, if I could make her gag, I could have the chips. Overlooking the obvious (anything sexual,) I pondered for a few minutes. What could I do to score some cra-- err, Cheetos? After several minutes of deliberation, I woke Andrew up and pulled him outside. Despite the fact (or thanks to the fact) that he was groggy, tired, and pissed, I got him to agree to my plan.
We jumped in his car and headed to Dollar General, where I knew we could get some clothes for cheap. Two hours and $24.99 later, we arrived back at his house. Quietly, we went inside and I went in the bathroom whilst he went into his room. We both emerged at the same time, dressed in pink plaid miniskirts, yellow flowery tops, and high-heels. Oh, we were sexy. I reached back in the bag and grabbed the banana.
I knocked on his mom's door and, upon her response, entered. The light was off, so it was completely dark.
"Turn the light on."
"Give me a minute."
"What's that slurping noise?"
"What slurping noise?"
"The one that stopped when you answered my question."
"Oh, that? It's, err, I don't know."
Andrew and I were in position.
There we stood; two hairy teenagers in pink plaid miniskirts, high-heels, and yellow flowery tops. I wore nothing else. I slapped Andrew across the back of his head as cue to peel his banana, and started peeling mine. When complete, we both tossed our peels on his mom's bed. He bent over and started eating his banana. I stuck my banana ever-so-slightly up into his skirt, reached up, and turned the light on.
She was already up, apparently on her way to turn the light on herself. As her eyes adjusted to the gruesome scene before her, she began to gag. Tears of laughter began running down my face, which contrasted the tears of disgust on hers. Suddenly, she retched and emptied that night's dinner all over her husband, in a nice semicircle around the room onto Andrew's back and my legs.
"Wow, uhh.. Ew."
"You can have your fucking Cheetos, you sick fuck!"
"Nevermind.. I'm not hungry."
And I spewed my dinner all over Andrew.
User Reviews
Submitted by Stabkill (user info) at 2005-03-01 18:12:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Enough.
Submitted by Stabkill (user info) at 2005-03-01 18:11:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Agreed
Submitted by Stabkill (user info) at 2005-03-01 18:10:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Fine
Submitted by Stabkill (user info) at 2005-03-01 18:09:50 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
This is about as good as a child being molested.
Uh... Well, at least MOST of us think children being molested is a bad thing.
Submitted by Electro (user info) at 2005-02-26 03:21:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
PWN BONUS!!! +2
Submitted by Electro (user info) at 2005-02-26 03:20:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
YOU CAN PWN!
+2!!!
Submitted by StonedSilly (user info) at 2005-02-26 00:20:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
if you felt uncomfortable reading this, you might want to re-evaluate your sexuality. i didn't even feel uncomfortable writing this, asshead.
Submitted by Dustbrother (user info) at 2005-02-26 00:16:06 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
this tale made me feel uncomfortable and you have no right to make me feel that way
Submitted by StonedSilly (user info) at 2005-02-26 00:00:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Val-
This post was fiction, and I was tipsy and on the phone when I wrote it, so I didn't catch that part.
I, too, am sorry for being an ass. I've had a hard week, but I'm sorry that your life isn't going well. You know you can give me a call if you need to talk.
Adieu.
Submitted by Val (user info) at 2005-02-25 23:48:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Why didn't you spend all of that moola on chips and shit? I would have.
+2 because I'm sorry for being bitchy- my life went to hell this week, my grandpa died, my car died, I had to move in with my sister, and numerous other reasons for me not being myself. I am sorry.
Submitted by StonedSilly (user info) at 2005-02-25 23:40:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Hey jackass, this post is complete bullshit. Not true.
Jack, I haven't helped myself to that in a while.
Submitted by EbolaMay (user info) at 2005-02-25 23:30:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Meh. I would've just bought a shitload of junkfoood with that money, dumbass.
Submitted by jack11058 (user info) at 2005-02-25 23:23:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2005-02-25 23:07:31 (#)
Ranking: 1
What... The... Fuck.
=-=-=-
You started craving after a nice helping of the sticky icky didn't you? DIDN'T YOU?!?
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2005-02-25 23:07:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
What... The... Fuck.
Submitted by StonedSilly (user info) at 2005-02-25 22:56:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Because this post is completely fictitious? Oh, I forgot.
Submitted by Jarvis (user info) at 2005-02-25 22:50:08 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Why didn't you spend the $24.99 on Cheetos, you retard?
Submitted by Kazzerax (user info) at 2005-02-25 22:47:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
And now a plus 2 for name drop.
Submitted by Kazzerax (user info) at 2005-02-25 22:44:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
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