the night my father killed me.... (522 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -1.5 on 20 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by <theonlyfactor.at.yahoo.com> (View user info) at 2005-02-26 04:12:01 EST
so this is my first post on here, so i'll expect a few of the "YOU SUCK NEW GUY -2 -2 -2 -2!!!!" but i've been a reader for the better part of a year and love alot of the stuff on here so i figured i'd throw my right foot in and shake it all about...
sooooooooo.....
back when i was a young lad...around 4 or 5 i think, my father murdered me. the following are the details of this night that i just recently rememberd from almost 20 years ago... god i'm getting old.
so one night my mom made me pancakes for dinner because, well, she was awesome like that. anyway... i was allowed to eat said pancakes in the living room and watch transformers or whatever it was i was watching at the time...unsupervised.
at this point i wish to pose a question... who here on uber doesn't like their pancakes (or waffles...) with out like 30 gallons of syrup on them?
exactly
so i go into the kitchen where my mom is doing something unimportant, and say "mom i need more syrup."
"it's in the fridge, go ahead and get it."
"thanks mom, you fuckin' rule" (not an exact quote)
now... i don't remember my exact reasoning in doing this, BUT for some off the wall reason, i decided to completely empty the bottle of syrup onto the hard wood floor of the living room and slide through the HUGE puddle in my footie pj's...that's right!! footies!!! (do they even have them anymore?)
moving on...
sweet awesome mom notices that i'm unusually quiet, and decides to come check on me. well she catches me in mid slide.
to say she was mad would be like saying fat people sweat alot. she was FURIOUS. but at the same time she realised that if this mess wasn't cleaned up before my dad got home, i was as good as dead.
amid a flury of unintelligable words and curses i was sent to my room forever while she desperately tried to soak up lake jemimah before pops got home.
she failed.
dad walks in and naturally wants to know what she's doing on the floor with every towel in the house and what's all that on the floor....
she tried to stop him...she really did. the last thing i really remember is dad basically tearing my door, and the wall it was attatched to, down as he entered my room to "talk" to me about what it was i'd done. and by "talk" i mean tear my arms off and beat me to death with them.
i really wish i had a better ending to this, but i don't. all i really remember are the events leading up to and after the murder and funeral.
my dad only hit me one time after that. normally he didn't need to. he had "the look" down. when i mean down i mean he was like fucking bruce lee with the look. he'd be behind you, give you the look and you'd shit your pants in fear right there.
still scares me to think about it....
User Reviews
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2005-02-27 04:07:18 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
so this is my first post on here, so i'll expect a few of the "YOU SUCK NEW GUY -2 -2 -2 -2!!!!" but i've been a reader for the better part of a year and love alot of the stuff on here so i figured i'd throw my right foot in and shake it all about...
sooooooooo.....
back when i was a young lad...around 4 or 5 i think, my father murdered me. the following are the details of this night that i just recently rememberd from almost 20 years ago... god i'm getting old.
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Right. That's it. No offense, but this is bollocks. Minus 2
Submitted by ThineJericho (user info) at 2005-02-27 03:36:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Why? Because I'm kind.
Submitted by TheOnlyFactor (user info) at 2005-02-27 03:23:33 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
YOU SUCK YOU SUCK YOU SUCK YOU SU....oh...this is me...damnit
Submitted by Squijee (user info) at 2005-02-26 22:18:16 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I think I chose the perfect time to do my first post. New Years, when everyone was drunk and happy.
Drunk and happy people rate well. I am neither drunk, nor happy.
Submitted by Kent_Weirdo (user info) at 2005-02-26 21:54:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.ubersite.com/cgi-bin/message_get.cgi?message=1094550800586326291#1056405
Submitted by Auf-Der-Maur (user info) at 2005-02-26 21:30:30 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Why does everyone feel it necassary to point out its their first post and that they're going to get -2's? I mostly dont even bothe reading past thatl
Submitted by Tigre (user info) at 2005-02-26 21:10:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
B@W
Submitted by girlintheworld (user info) at 2005-02-26 13:56:39 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Try coherence, and if you're going to write about murder, don't do it.
Submitted by Timmah (user info) at 2005-02-26 10:48:07 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2005-02-26 10:36:07 (#)
Ranking: -2
So minus two eh?
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Ahahahahahaha!
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2005-02-26 10:36:07 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
So minus two eh?
Submitted by ICO (user info) at 2005-02-26 08:36:29 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
CAN'T YOU SEE? THEY ARE ALL AROUND US! DAMN OUR EYES! WE ARE BLIND TO THEM. I CAN HEAR THEM NOW... WHISPERING, TALKING.... SHRIEKING! MAY THE RATS EAT YOUR EYES!
Submitted by AlwaysAnEagle (user info) at 2005-02-26 08:33:09 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
This was fucking horrific.
Submitted by Feijuada (user info) at 2005-02-26 08:10:15 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Jesus this is one of the worst peices of shit I have ever read.
Submitted by Feijuada (user info) at 2005-02-26 08:08:45 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Auto -2 for telling me that this is your first post.
Submitted by Parkinsuns (user info) at 2005-02-26 05:06:39 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
see:
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-02-26 04:32:36 (#)
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-02-26 04:56:29 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Dustbrother (user info) at 2005-02-26 04:19:08 (#)
Ranking: -2
YOU SUCK NEW GUY -2 -2 -2 -2!!!!
Submitted by Joemama (user info) at 2005-02-26 04:38:45 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
I just wanna go to bed tonight
knowing I did one good deed today
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-02-26 04:32:36 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Banga3386 (user info) at 2005-02-26 04:31:07 (#)
Ranking: -2
New or not, this was just horrible. Not funny, horrible sentence and paragraph structure, absolutely no capitalization or correct punctuation; just absolutely wrong.
Also would every newbie stop letting us know that this is their first post, it only makes us want to hate you from the very beginning. I forgot who wrote the "Newbie's Guide to Posting" but he was using the most extreme case of sarcasm. I hate that is has come to this but if anyone here read that and actually thought it had some good advice, just leave Uber and never return. You will never understand.
Banga
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Submitted by Dustbrother (user info) at 2005-02-26 04:19:08 (#)
Ranking: -2
YOU SUCK NEW GUY -2 -2 -2 -2!!!!
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I didn't even read this, but according to the reviews...
Submitted by Banga3386 (user info) at 2005-02-26 04:31:07 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
New or not, this was just horrible. Not funny, horrible sentence and paragraph structure, absolutely no capitalization or correct punctuation; just absolutely wrong.
Also would every newbie stop letting us know that this is their first post, it only makes us want to hate you from the very beginning. I forgot who wrote the "Newbie's Guide to Posting" but he was using the most extreme case of sarcasm. I hate that is has come to this but if anyone here read that and actually thought it had some good advice, just leave Uber and never return. You will never understand.
Banga
Submitted by Dustbrother (user info) at 2005-02-26 04:19:08 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
YOU SUCK NEW GUY -2 -2 -2 -2!!!!