A Brief History of "Rock and Roll" (586 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.2 on 6 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by sketch9 (View user info) at 2005-02-26 19:00:10 EST
Rock and Roll, as it is known, is a particular style of music that usually blends the sounds of an electric guitar, an electric bass, a drummer, and vocals.
Its name is derived from the new sound of early American and British bands in the 1860's.
As it is well known, many beggars and social scum populated the street during this time in such tremendous quantities that some American territories opened a hunting season on them*.
Unfortunately, this did little to quell the uprising sea of homeless, as they bedded into the walls and took refuge between peoples boxsprings.
Huge beggar cities arouse, made of used pillows and stained couches. A pecking order was established, and a New King to rule the riches of America was chosen.
Poor Arnie Dutchman (he was named so because he was Dutch), however, never wanted to be The New King, he was content being Poor Arnie Dutchman.
His childhood had been mediocre, he usually got beat up by the other kids in the town. They often played a game called Hide and Go Kick Arnie's Ass.
Arnie would usually limp home, content he was making friends, and sometimes made waffles. Of course, Arnie never really knew how to make waffles, he just told himself that he wouldnt feel so lonely when he would masturbate to pictures of flowers.
Arnie was a home-kid. The kid that never stayed out, even on weekends, and lived in Ohio before they moved Here. He couldn't play sports, the parents would never allow that. Or maybe they would, and Arnie just didn't ask.
School was a blur, he was here, there, all around, but never at a fast pace. He plodded along with every task, making frequent mistakes. His ashtray in art class had accidently turned into a record, and he never could afford to sign up for Zephyr Mechanics, the 2-hour block class.
Arnie chose instead, to become a bum, and, at the coming of the great enstenchening, he was elected to become the ruler. By random chance. These things happen sometimes.
Arnie needed to set up a rule, so he let everyone else do it. He could sit in his jungle gym mansion and smoke weed.
All this, as you may have already guessed, became a problem, as the courts were overthrown. A new rule was established, as it was the only one needed in the bum world. If someone pisses you off, throw a rock at them.
Frequent stonings were a daily occurance. Rocks flew like ballistic missiles from goD. The streets were in chaos, and the Ghostbusters were on vacation. Fucking Egon.
Bums, being bums, rolled the dead and stole anything valuable. Any devices or objects that were bought, changed hands an average of six more times after you died.
The Walkman Tape And Distraction Marketers(r) were immediately broken into, and the bums opened huge factories, distributing the devices throughout their people.
Arnie Dutchman was handed a guitar, and told to entertain the people. Arnie picked up the ice cold axe and played the sweetest guitar solo ever known to man, and everyone heard it, because as he did, someone recorded it with a wax tube and a pen.
They sent it into Walkman Tape, who produced it in large quantities, and distributed the new Bible throughout the skraggly peoples. All were as one as a million plastic lids snapped shut, and a deafening roar shook birds from the trees as the bums pushed play.
Arnies solo hadn't stopped, and the men with the pens kept up, distributing the amazing piece to the masses. The continents shook, the seas and oceans boiled. Great mountains shot up where once was plains, and valleys appeared where seconds before were giant white rats without legs.... or eyes.
The earth opened up whole and sucked down all convetional people, as the bums were too busy head banging to die. The air was thick with lice, and tornadoes shot up from blackened skies. The world in all its destructive stinking glory threw their hands up to Arnie, and praised this new invention, Rock and Roll.
It has been forever called this, in tribute to Arnie, and all of the bum population, for their two favorite past times. Bashing skulls with rocks, and stealing stuff from dead people.
Thank you class.
When you hear the beep,
Please remove film from
Projector and turn Off.
*provided you brought the hide in to be measured, and you kept all remaining fingers.
Disclaimer: spurr of the moment nonsensical story written while inebriated.
User Reviews
Submitted by StewCrew (user info) at 2006-03-14 22:55:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I laughed.
Submitted by EchoBoxing (user info) at 2006-03-14 22:41:18 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
what's rock and roll?
Submitted by Mrdurden24 (user info) at 2006-03-14 22:06:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
didnt even read it...+2 for the picture of that sweet sweet smoke
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-03-14 21:41:00 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Rock from British and American bands of the 1860s? RIGHT !!!
Ask any old black man where the term "rock-n-roll" originated. . .
Submitted by Tigre (user info) at 2005-02-26 19:33:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Mmmmmmmm. +2 for being inehbreighgjteddedlyed. : )
Submitted by kai070169 (user info) at 2005-02-26 19:01:43 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
solid -2, +1 for the pic.