CUNT ACTION: Picking (2264 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.27 on 32 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by LadyPlural (View user info) at 2005-02-27 18:44:08 EST
http://www.ubersite.com/m/60756
She picks.
It is a facet of her emotional disorders, but she thinks that there is another reason as well. Every scab, every cuticle, every piece of peeling skin, she sees as the strings that hold her together. Every time she peels another piece of herself off, she hopes, through the pain, that THIS time the string that she pulls will be the one that will allow her to come apart. She envisions herself coming apart at the seams, and floating free into the world. Each time, though, she never finds the right one. So she waits, and hopes, and picks.
Her legs carry the reminders of a hundred different pains, each one different from the others. Her scars are a testament to something undefinable. Perhaps it is to her ability to withstand pain, or perhaps they simply bear mute witness to the fractures that lie in her mind, floating below the surface. One is from a cat scratch that got infected. One is from a tree limb that stabbed her as she walked through the woods. These scars she ignores, thinking that she never had to work for them. Others, however, she views with a distant pride. These are the scars that she created, some with knives, some with razor blades, and some with erasers, fingernails, or teeth. Every severed nerve ending, every strip of flesh that she carefully throws out, mark her progress towards finding that one important string. Every scab peeled off so that she can watch the blood pool out of herself, every concerned question from her friends, just mark the steps that bring her closer to that all-powerful string.
Permenant.
Childish.
Disgusting.
Others use tell her that she will regret these scars later in her life, that her scars are manifestations of adolescent angst, and that nobody can possibly love her if her legs are covered in scars. She doesn't care, because she knows, deep inside, that the pain will allow her to transcend her life, and to finally be free of her mind and body's problems. That someday soon she will pull the correct string, and finally be able to discard her body, and fly.
User Reviews
Submitted by peckerhead (user info) at 2005-04-25 14:16:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for the last paragraph
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-03-07 05:43:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
C.U.N.T review :
i see nothing new here.
I have read manifestations of this numerous times.
The only thing new and mildily interesting to me was the idea of unpicking, trying to find the right thread. I quite liked that.
Perhaps its just that I can't empathise with teenage girls.
(Although I do like touching them).
/end honest review.
STANDARD UBER REVIEW :
OMG!! THAT HAPPEND TO ME/MY SISTER/COUSIN/BEST FRIEND. I SOOOOO KNOW WHAT YOU ARE GOING THROUGH. +2
Submitted by absolutes (user info) at 2005-03-03 22:30:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
CUNTheaded advice.
I liked it, but it left me wanting a little more.
My only other suggestion: There was at least one cliche I noticed that could be changed into better, fresher imagery.
Side note, we're supposed to 0 these, right?
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-03-03 07:12:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
C.U.N.T. review:
Your imagery was messed up in places, as though you knew exactly the message you wanted to convey but shied away from it, and instead used another, softer choice of words so as to not offend anyone.
I agree that "blood pooling out of her" is awkward; blood pools IN things, not out of them.
You fell victim to cliche more than once; it's easy to do, I know, but you need to watch it.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-03-02 08:34:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
CUNT review:
Obvious spelling error. Not a big deal.
"Watching the blood pool out of herself": that was kind of awkward for me as a reader to continue with the imagery you were presenting, it kind of stuttered the flow. Maybe a different choice of words or syntax?
The weird non-sexual sexual tension? Yes, I got that too. I have an explanation for it.
Your character piece shows the character in a naked, vulnerable, helpless? way. It opens the male psyche to the evolutionary sexual/possessive drive of protection, especially after they "know" a woman.
Either that or
Males generally think of sex as "the ol' in out in out" and thats about it
Females are more interested in the intimacy of the act.
And a latent female sexual attraction for intimacy is opened up.
Submitted by boneface (user info) at 2005-03-01 00:26:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
"I don't know why, but this evoked some odd kind of sexual feeling in me, not arousal, but something sexual." -Shandy
Yeah, I got that too. I actually had to stop reading part way through and think, "am I aroused? No... so what the hell is this feeling?" Maybe I've been reading too much CollegeGuy...
Submitted by boneface (user info) at 2005-03-01 00:16:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I like it... mostly because it really bothered me. Distinct and direct, the emotion came through and the writing was very poetic. It was a different angle of a hard to understand problem.
Nothing comes to mind that I didn't like. Nice.
Submitted by Captnplnt (user info) at 2005-02-28 18:55:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
C.U.N.T Review
I love saying that. Anyways, there is no attachment in this piece. Why should we care? There is no investment involved. There is good description but if a reader has nothing to hold on to, then those descriptions do not carry any weight. If you flesh the piece out, then these descriptions become something more. There needs to be more substance to this story. In something like this, where it can be cliche, the author NEEDS to distinguish this and make it their own.
Submitted by WhoLetYouIn (user info) at 2005-02-28 18:11:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
CUNT rating
After reading the first few sentences I felt myself begin to judge on the content. I never really liked girls that cut themselves. However, you gave this character a unique voice that really gave light to a different perspective to pain and self-abuse.
I liked the flow and your diction was pretty. Overall, I really liked it.
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2005-02-28 15:31:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
C.U.N.T REVIEW
This I liked very much. I thought this story flowed very nicely. I enjoy reading when it relates to other people's perception of pain and how it sometimes manifests to physical punishment. Any train of thought that is different from my own is always appreciated. I experienced a connection with the character and felt her sorrow through your words.
Now I will shut up and read the other reviews.
Submitted by vettesrule88 (user info) at 2005-02-28 14:41:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
CUNT ACTION REVEIW
I liked it, short and to the point, gave great details to emphasize the point. We all know someone who has done something to this effect, so I think it can affect everyone. Some of the words you used cut deeply, scale, cuticle, razors, never be lvoed, etc.
I liked it
We're supposed to rate these 0 right?
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2005-02-28 11:26:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
C.U.N.T. Review -
I sort of fucked up and started reading other reviews before writing this. Sorry. I'm doing you a disservice there.
That being said, BigMike made several points that I agree with.
The first paragraph was somewhat "choppy" there was a lot to digest and it all felt a little crammed in there. Like you were trying to make sure you established a great many things up-front. That's okay, but the way you did it made the reading a little difficult. It could have flowed better.
Other than that, I think this is a good "character study" . . .from the outside. You tell us what she's trying to accomplish, but nothing of the "why." "It is a facet of her emotional issues" . . . okay . . . which ones? What caused them?
If the description you give is supposed to make the reader want to know those things . . . I'm not sure it was engaging enough. I wouldn't have a problem forgetting about this girl. Just another fucked up teen doing fucked up things. Seen it before. Read it before.
So give me a reason to care about her. Make her more than a symbol. Make her a person.
Submitted by Naery (user info) at 2005-02-28 07:51:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Didn't do much for me.
Maybe I'm just an insensitive prick, but when I hear about people doing things like this, even for as lofty a goal as transcendence, I try to tune it out. There is a sect of Yoga (the religion, not the excercise regimen), called Raja Yoga, that strives for Sattori (yoga's enlightenment) thru a full understanding of the body. Part of this understanding comes from an experience of pain, but for me, the main difference between teenage angst and Raja is the clinical aspect. Teenagers are all just emotional, hormonal, reactive minds on a journey with no clear end. Raja Yogists, on the other hand, seem to know what they're after and they analyze what their bodies do.
There's obviously much more to the religion than that, and I actually know a fair amount about the practices, but for the purposes of the review, that's all. If you want to know more, just ask.
Submitted by phuzzygish (user info) at 2005-02-28 07:16:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
C.U.N.T. review (For what it's worth)
- It was nice, good subject, good thought, but having read some of your other stuff, you could have pushed it a bit more, gone into her mind a little more instead of just 'reporting', if that makes sense?
- Your other writing is a lot more indepth, more focussed, it was almost as if you rushed it a little bit to get it done, instead maybe chilling, enjoying the ride.
Basically, it was mediocre. By that I mean mediocre for you. You're a great young writer, and some of your other pieces would kick this ones ass. Other than that, I think most of the relevant points have been made below...
Submitted by Ivy (user info) at 2005-02-28 06:07:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
This did make me feel quite melancholy, but that's because my best friend of nearly 13 years is massively anorexic and is also into self mutilation. The first time I noticed the scars on her legs we were on acid and K. Holy fuck. That's the last thing you ever want to see when you're that high on drugs, it made me trip out for a good two hours.
Submitted by Lisa (user info) at 2005-02-28 01:48:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I fear that a combination of Ubersite and art school might turn me Emo.
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2005-02-28 00:46:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I will see if I can put this advice to use and make something worthwhile out of it. This was sort of just a character study, but it changed into something slightly different, and I just let it sit.
What I'm trying to say is, this might actually help me to improve my writing, and gawd help us all if *that* happens.
Submitted by Thor (user info) at 2005-02-28 00:23:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
to counteract shlongy
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2005-02-27 22:39:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I like the idea of this post, but the first paragraph put me off. The wording is choppy and doesn't really paint the picture that I think is intended here. If she feels pain, I want to feel it too. Make me believe that she is serious, make me feel her pain. I want to bear witness to her emotional and physical agony.
In peeling the strings one by one, her ultimate goal is to reach the one string that will unravel her completely. If there isn't tension and drama in that, I don't know where else it would be.
I'm not feeling this one.
Submitted by SpikeGoddess (user info) at 2005-02-27 22:33:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
You know what I think would make this awesome? If instead of just describing her and talking about her picking, you showed her actively DOING the picking. Like, if she was in some kind of social situation, secretly picking. You could add in all of the information you had here, most of it by *showing*, and the rest would flow in seamlessly and feel less like a "case study" report and more like a portrait of a person. Action would add a lot to this.
Submitted by Durae (user info) at 2005-02-27 22:14:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't know anything about writing, so I can't offer any serious criticism, but I really liked what filthy said about owning it. And I think it's bullshit that this is in the negatives just because some people like to shit on other people's fun.
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2005-02-27 20:08:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Ahhhhh, fuck. I thought I could maybe get it right. But no. Not at all. Sorry.
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2005-02-27 20:07:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Something sexual? Well, pain can be sexualized, and it could easily apply here... I shall mull over what you have said. Thank you.
Submitted by wijormiclat (user info) at 2005-02-27 19:55:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
CUNT REVIEW:
"It is a facet of her emotional disorders, but she thinks that there is another reason as well. Every scab, every cuticle, every piece of peeling skin, she sees as the strings that hold her together. Every time she peels another piece of herself off, she hopes, through the pain, that THIS time the string that she pulls will be the one that will allow her to come apart. She envisions herself coming apart at the seams, and floating free into the world. Each time, though, she never finds the right one. So she waits, and hopes, and picks."
I liked this passage, with her peeling off strings trying to make her fall apart.
Other than that, is there a message to this? That teen angst is very bad? Why people cut themselves? If so I'm afraid I didn't get anything out of this besides the preceding things.
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2005-02-27 19:50:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
btw ladyplural, you've made a dreadful mistake here.
CUNT action should be C.U.N.T action
an uber search for C.U.N.T you see does not bring up CUNT
the idea is that by typing in C.U.N.T to search, cunts can find all the c.u.n.t. posts neatly together - and no other non-c.u.n.t cunt rubbish
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-02-27 19:48:02 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
See if you can predict how many fingers I'm holding up...and which one it is.
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2005-02-27 19:34:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
shlongy, your behaviour is rather predictable
oh, in fact, it was predicted
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-02-27 19:31:54 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I agree.
No, I agree that the whole "CUNT" thing is fucking stupid. But that's what you get from that self-appointed Uber "bad boy" Shandy the dickwad.
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2005-02-27 19:29:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
-The first description of the picking was great and had me wincing. The word 'pick' is also a good one in this context. It's an irky sort of word, and it's not melodramtic.
-The business about her thinkig of threads and wanting to release herself seemed a bit dubious to me. I could see that being used as a metaphor about her, or someone else thinking that about her, but that she would actually think or enunciate in those terms herself didn't seem quite right to me.
-"bear mute witness to the fractures that lie in her mind" I find this kind of thing cliched and melodramatic, but having said that you will find language like this in plenty of published books.
-second description of her legs and the implements and the peeling scabs and the strips of flesh very evocative and nice use of language
-I don't know why, but this evoked some odd kind of sexual feeling in me, not arousal, but something sexual.
-this could potentially evoke real sadness - via the hopelessness of a person trying to find escape or freedom this way - but it didn't quite make if there for me, maybe because of the concerns I mentioned in my second para above.
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2005-02-27 19:14:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Well, next time don't shove *that* many banannas up it at once.
Thank you, by the way. I really should have spent more time tweaking it, but I worried that I would not get it submitted before someone else did the same. I push in line, what can I say?
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2005-02-27 19:06:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I really like the first paragraph (or the second, if you're going to be pedantic about the 'she picks' bit) but this line "It is a facet of her emotional disorders, but she thinks that there is another reason as well." doesn't work for me. I love the image of picking yourself apart but I think this would be better written in first person - you're talking about a thought process or an internal justification so it needs to come from you, not some ethereal bystander that just adds another barrier between you and the reader. Make it direct - own up to it.
I like the last line but the repatition of 'and' makes it seem untidy. There's a conflict between the sense of desperatly hoping for something (e.g. all the 'finally's - too many in the last paragraph btw) and the leisurely style of writing - you're telling us you're desperatly hoping for something in an almost nonchalent way. If that's where you want to take it then maybe you could sharpen that up, make it a little more despairing.
God, my arse hurts.
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2005-02-27 18:52:40 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
SONOFABITCH I DIDN'T FIX THE SPELLING ERROR DEAR SWEET BABY JEBUS WHY?????????!