A Speech from President Alexander DeLarge: September 11th, 2001 (619 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.5 on 12 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by FelizJBirth (View user info) at 2005-02-28 11:28:36 EST
Wiggles' recent post about "A Clockwork Orange" reminded me of the humour that is Nadsat translators, so you can blame him for this. Actually, scratch that, you can blame me. I don't mind.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Mr. Speaker, Mr. President Pro Tempore, members of Congress, and fellow Americans:
In the normal course of events, Presidents come to this chamber to report on the state of the Union. This nochy, no such report is needed. It has already been delivered by the American lewdies.
We have viddied it in the courage of passengers, who rushed terrorists to save others on the ground -- passengers like an exceptional chelloveck eemyaed Todd Beamer, O my brothers. And would you please help Your Humble Narrator to welcome his zheena, Lisa Beamer, here this nochy. (Applause.)
We have viddied the state of our Union in the endurance of rescuers, rabbiting past exhaustion. We have viddied the unfurling of flags, the lighting of candles, the giving of red red krovvy, the govoreeting of prayers -- in English, Hebrew, and Arabic. We have viddied the decency of a loving and giving lewdies who have made the grief of strangers their own.
My fellow citizens, for the last nine days, the entire world has viddied for itself the state of our Union -- and it is strong. (Applause.)
This nochy we are a country awakened to danger and eemyaed to defend freedom. Our grief has turned to anger, and anger to resolution. Whether we bring our enemies to justice, or bring justice to our enemies, justice will be done. (Applause.)
I thank the Congress for its leadership at such an important raz. All of America was touched on the evening of the tragedy to viddy Republicans and Democrats joined together on the steps of this Capitol, warbling "Bog Bless America." And you did more than sing; you acted, by delivering $40 billion to rebuild our communities and meet the needs of our military.
Speaker Hastert, Minority Privodevat Gephardt, Majority Privodevat Daschle and Senator Lott, I thank you for your friendship, for your leadership and for your service to our country. (Applause.)
And on behalf of the American lewdies, I thank the world for its outpouring of support. America will never forget the zvooks of our National Anthem fillying at Buckingham Palace, on the streets of Paris, and at Berlin's Brandenburg Gate.
We will not forget South Korean children gathering to pray outside our embassy in Seoul, or the prayers of sympathy offered at a mosque in Cairo. We will not forget moments of silence and days of mourning in Australia and Africa and Latin America.
Nor will we forget the citizens of 80 other nations who snuffed it with like our own: dozens of Pakistanis; more than 130 Israelis; more than 250 citizens of India; chellovecks and cheenas from El Salvador, Iran, Mexico and Japan; and hundreds of British citizens. America has no truer droog than Bolshy Britain. (Applause.) Once again, we are joined together in a bolshy cause -- so honored the British Prime Charles has crossed an ocean to show his unity of purpose with America. Thank you for coming, droog. (Applause.)
On September the 11th, enemies of freedom committed an act of war against our country. Americans have known wars -- but for the past 136 years, they have been wars on foreign soil, except for odin Sunday in 1941. Americans have known the casualties of war -- but not at the center of a bolshy city on a peaceful morning. Americans have known surprise attacks -- but never before on thousands of civilians. All of this was brought upon us in a single day -- and nochy fell on a different world, a world where freedom itself is under attack.
Americans have many questions this nochy. Americans are asking: Who attacked our country? The evidence we have gathered all points to a collection of loosely affiliated terrorist organizations known as al Qaeda. They are the same murderers indicted for bombing American embassies in Tanzania and Kenya, and responsible for bombing the USS Cole.
Al Qaeda is to poog what the mafia is to crime. But its goal is not making cutter; its goal is remaking the world -- and imposing its radical beliefs on lewdies everywhere.
The terrorists practice a fringe form of Islamic extremism that has been rejected by Muslim scholars and the vast majority of Muslim clerics -- a fringe movement that perverts the peaceful teachings of Islam. The terrorists' directive soviets them to oobivat Christians and yahoodies, to oobivat all Americans, and make no distinction among military and civilians, including cheenas and children.
This gruppa and its privodevat -- a veck eemyaed Osama bin Laden -- are linked to many other organizations in different countries, including the Egyptian Islamic Jihad and the Islamic Movement of Uzbekistan. There are thousands of these terrorists in more than 60 countries. They are recruited from their own nations and neighborhoods and brought to camps in mestoes like Afghanistan, where they are trained in the tactics of poog, O my brothers. They are sent back to their domies or sent to hide in countries around the world to plot baddiwad and destruction.
The leadership of al Qaeda has bolshy influence in Afghanistan and supports the Taliban regime in controlling most of that country. In Afghanistan, we viddy al Qaeda's vision for the world.
Afghanistan's lewdies have been brutalized -- many are starving and many have fled. Cheenas are not allowed to attend skolliwoll. You can be plennied for owning a telly. Religion can be practiced only as their privodevats dictate. A chelloveck can be plennied in Afghanistan if his beard is not long enough.
The United States respects the lewdies of Afghanistan -- after all, we are currently its bolshiest source of humanitarian aid -- but we condemn the Taliban regime. (Applause.) It is not only repressing its own lewdies, it is threatening lewdies everywhere by sponsoring and sheltering and supplying terrorists. By aiding and abetting oobivat, the Taliban regime is committing oobivat.
And this nochy, the United States of America makes the following demands on the Taliban: Deliver to United States authorities all the privodevats of al Qaeda who hide in your land. (Applause.) Release all foreign nationals, including American citizens, you have unjustly plennied. Chasso foreign journalists, diplomats and aid workers in your country. Close immediately and permanently every terrorist training camp in Afghanistan, and rook over every terrorist, and every veck in their support structure, to appropriate authorities. (Applause.) Give the United States full access to terrorist training camps, so we can make sure they are no longer operating.
These demands are not open to negotiation or discussion. (Applause.) The Taliban must act, and act immediately. They will rook over the terrorists, or they will share in their fate.
I also want to govoreet this nochy directly to Muslims throughout the world. We respect your faith. It's practiced freely by many millions of Americans, and by millions more in countries that America counts as droogs. Its teachings are real dobby and peaceful, and those who commit baddiwad in the eemya of Allah blaspheme the eemya of Allah. (Applause.) The terrorists are traitors to their own faith, trying, in effect, to hijack Islam itself. The enemy of America is not our many Muslim droogs; it is not our many Arab droogs. Our enemy is a radical network of terrorists, and every government that supports them. (Applause.)
Our war on poog nachinats with like al Qaeda, but it does not end there. It will not end until every terrorist gruppa of global reach has been found, stopped and defeated. (Applause.)
Americans are asking, why do they hate us? They hate what we viddy right here in this chamber -- a democratically elected government. Their privodevats are self-appointed. They hate our freedoms -- our freedom of religion, our freedom of speech, our freedom to vote and assemble and disagree with each other.
They want to overthrow existing governments in many Muslim countries, such as Egypt, Saudi Arabia, and Jordan. They want to yeckate Israel out of the Middle East. They want to yeckate Christians and yahoodies out of vast regions of Asia and Africa.
These terrorists oobivat not merely to end jeeznies, but to disrupt and end a way of jeezny. With like every atrocity, they hope that America grows fearful, retreating from the world and forsaking our droogs. They stand against us, because we stand in their way.
We are not deceived by their pretenses to piety. We have viddied their kind before. They are the heirs of all the murderous ideologies of the 20th century. By sacrificing human jeezny to serve their radical visions -- by abandoning every value except the will to power -- they follow in the path of fascism, and Nazism, and totalitarianism. And they will follow that path all the way, to where it ends: in history's unmarked grave of discarded lies. (Applause.)
Americans are asking: How will we drat and win this war? We will direct every resource at our soviet -- every means of diplomacy, every tool of intelligence, every instrument of law enforcement, every financial influence, and every necessary weapon of war -- to the disruption and to the defeat of the global poog network.
This war will not be like the war against Iraq a decade ago, with like a decisive liberation of territory and a swift conclusion. It will not smot like the air war above Kosovo dva years ago, where no ground troops were used and not a single American was lost in combat.
Our response involves far more than instant retaliation and isolated strikes, O my brothers. Americans should not expect odin bitva, but a lengthy campaign, unlike any other we have ever viddied. It may include dramatic strikes, visible on the telly, and covert operations, secret even in success. We will starve terrorists of funding, turn them odin against another, yeckate them from mesto to mesto, until there is no refuge or no rest. And we will pursue nations that provide aid or safe haven to terrorism. Every nation, in every region, now has a decision to make. Either you are with like us, or you are with the terrorists. (Applause.) From this day forward, any nation that continues to harbor or support terrorism will be regarded by the United States as a hostile regime.
Our nation has been put on notice: We are not immune from attack. We will shvat defensive measures against terrorism to chasso Americans. Today, dozens of federal departments and agencies, as horrorshow as state and local governments, have responsibilities affecting homeland security. These efforts must be coordinated at the highest level. So this nochy I announce the creation of a Cabinet-level position reporting directly to Your Humble Narrator -- the Cantora of Homeland Security.
And this nochy I also announce a distinguished American to privodeet this effort, to strengthen American security: a military veteran, an effective governor, a true patriot, a trusted droog -- Pennsylvania's Tom Ridge. (Applause.) He will privodeet, oversee and coordinate a comprehensive national strategy to chasso our country against terrorism, and respond to any attacks that may come.
These measures are essential. But the only way to defeat terrorism as a threat to our way of jeezny is to stop it, eliminate it, and destroy it where it grows. (Applause.)
Many will be involved in this effort, from FBI agents to intelligence operatives to the reservists we have eemyaed to active duty. All deserve our thanks, and all have our prayers. And this nochy, a few miles from the vredded Pentagon, I have a message for our military: Be ready. I've eemyaed the Armed Forces to alert, and there is a reason. The hour is coming when America will act, and you will make us proud. (Applause.)
This is not, however, just America's drat. And what is at stake is not just America's freedom. This is the world's drat. This is civilization's drat. This is the drat of all who believe in progress and pluralism, tolerance and freedom.
We ask every nation to join us. We will ask, and we will need, the help of police forces, intelligence services, and banking systems around the world. The United States is grateful that many nations and many international organizations have already responded -- with like sympathy and with support. Nations from Latin America, to Asia, to Africa, to Europe, to the Islamic world. Perhaps the NATO Charter reflects best the attitude of the world: An attack on odin is an attack on all.
The civilized world is rallying to America's side. They pony that if this poog itties unpunished, their own cities, their own citizens may be next. Poog, unanswered, can not only bring down buildings, it can threaten the stability of legitimate governments. And you know what -- we're not ittying to allow it. (Applause.)
Americans are asking: What is expected of us? I ask you to live your jeeznies, and hug your children. I know many citizens have fears this nochy, and I ask you to be calm and resolute, even in the litso of a continuing threat.
I ask you to uphold the values of America, and remember why so many have come here. We are in a drat for our principles, and our first responsibility is to live by them. No odin should be singled out for unfair treatment or unkind slovos because of their ethnic background or religious faith. (Applause.)
I ask you to continue to support the victims of this tragedy with like your contributions. Those who want to give can itty to a central source of information, libertyunites.org, to find the eemyas of gruppas providing direct help in New York, Pennsylvania, and Virginia.
The thousands of FBI agents who are now at rabbit in this investigation may need your cooperation, and I ask you to give it.
I ask for your patience, with like the delays and inconveniences that may accompany tighter security; and for your patience in what will be a long struggle.
I ask your continued participation and confidence in the American economy. Terrorists attacked a symbol of American prosperity. They did not touch its source. America is successful because of the hard rabbit, and creativity, and enterprise of our lewdies, O my brothers. These were the true strengths of our economy before September 11th, and they are our strengths today. (Applause.)
And, finally, please continue praying for the victims of poog and their families, for those in uniform, and for our bolshy country. Prayer has comforted us in sorrow, and will help strengthen us for the journey ahead.
This nochy I thank my fellow Americans for what you have already done and for what you will do. And damas and gentlemen of the Congress, I thank you, their representatives, for what you have already done and for what we will do together.
This nochy, we litso new and sudden national challenges. We will come together to improve air safety, to dramatically expand the number of air marshals on domestic flights, and shvat new measures to prevent hijacking. We will come together to promote stability and keep our airlines flying, with direct assistance during this emergency. (Applause.)
We will come together to give law enforcement the additional tools it needs to track down poog here at domy. (Applause.) We will come together to strengthen our intelligence capabilities to know the vareets of terrorists before they act, and find them before they strike. (Applause.)
We will come together to shvat active steps that strengthen America's economy, and put our lewdies back to rabbit.
This nochy we welcome dva privodevats who embody the choodessny dook of all New Yorkers: Governor George Pataki, and Mayor Rudolph Giuliani. (Applause.) As a symbol of America's resolve, my administration will rabbit with like Congress, and these dva privodevats, to show the world that we will rebuild New York City. (Applause.)
After all that has just passed -- all the jeeznies taken, and all the possibilities and hopes that snuffed it with them -- it is natural to wonder if America's future is odin of fear. Some govoreet of an age of poog. I know there are struggles ahead, and dangers to litso. But this country will define our razzes, not be defined by them. As long as the United States of America is determined and strong, this will not be an age of poog; this will be an age of liberty, here and across the world. (Applause.)
Bolshy harm has been done to us. We have suffered bolshy loss. And in our grief and anger we have found our mission and our moment. Freedom and fear are at war. The advance of human freedom -- the bolshy achievement of our raz, and the bolshy hope of every raz -- now depends on us. Our nation -- this generation -- will lift a dark threat of ultra-violence from our lewdies and our future. We will rally the world to this cause by our efforts, by our courage. We will not fag, we will not falter, and we will not fail. (Applause.)
It is my hope that in the months and years ahead, jeezny will return almost to normal. We'll itty back to our jeeznies and routines, and that is real dobby. Even grief recedes with like raz and grace. But our resolve must not pass. Each of us will remember what sloochatted that day, and to whom it sloochatted. We'll remember the moment the news came -- where we were and what we were doing. Some will remember an image of a fire, or a raskazz of rescue. Some will carry memories of a litso and a goloss gone forever.
And I will carry this: It is the police shield of a chelloveck eemyaed George Howard, who snuffed it at the World Trade Center trying to save others. It was given to Your Humble Narrator by his mom, Arlene, as a proud memorial to her son. This is my reminder of jeeznies that ended, and a task that does not end. (Applause.)
I will not forget this wound to our country or those who inflicted it. I will not yield; I will not rest; I will not relent in waging this struggle for freedom and security for the American lewdies.
The course of this conflict is not known, yet its outcome is certain. Freedom and fear, justice and cruelty, have always been at war, and we know that Bog is not neutral between them. (Applause.)
Fellow citizens, we'll meet ultra-violence with like patient justice -- assured of the rightness of our cause, and confident of the victories to come. In all that lies before us, may Bog grant us wisdom, and may He watch over the United States of America.
Thank you. (Applause.)
User Reviews
Submitted by Stabkill (user info) at 2005-05-25 11:57:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You are a fraud.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-03-05 08:43:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't understand what Nadsat or whatever means, but +2 for this:
Thank you for coming, droog. (Applause.)
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-03-05 08:29:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
By bog that's good.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-02-28 19:59:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"America has no truer droog than Bolshy Britain."
horrorshow!
Submitted by Wiggles (user info) at 2005-02-28 14:40:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Tom, give me some feedback on my shit:
http://www.ubersite.com/m/60803
Submitted by FelizJbirth (user info) at 2005-02-28 12:33:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Hey Tom, would you mind posting some links to a few of the articles you mentioned for me? You're right, you do have a lot of posts and I couldn't find any titles that were related, but I'd be very interested to read them. I like your writing anyway, so I'd love to see some of your Clockwork Orange reference posts if you can think of any to link... The Eminem one was great. Hell, if anyone else has a post related to A Clockwork Orange, feel free to linkwhore it here.
Hey, free linkwhoring! Yippee!
Submitted by FelizJbirth (user info) at 2005-02-28 12:15:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You know, if GWB ACTUALLY talked like that, I just might have a higher opinion of him.
"Mr. President, what is your personal opinion of Islam?"
"I think Islam is a real bolshy religion. It's like real dobby and peaceful. There are some who wish to do baddiwad to Americans in the eemya of Allah. I want to govoreet to any Muslim chelloveck viddying this, right here on national telly, that we'll bomb the cal out of any poogs who, in the eemya of Bog, viddies themselves fit to tolchock America and it's droog nations. You're either with us, or you're like with the poogs."
Finally, a President who speaks to ME!
By the way, if any of you chellovecks want to amuse yourselves real horrorshow, here's a link to the Nadsat translator I used which also includes the complete Nadsat glossary: http://www.geocities.com/Athens/Academy/1974/nadsat.html
Submitted by ardubs (user info) at 2005-02-28 11:49:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-02-28 11:45:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Read this:
http://www.ubersite.com/m/36670
Submitted by FelizJbirth (user info) at 2005-02-28 11:39:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Please don't destroy me!
All I actually did was use a Nadsat translator on Bush's speech from 9/11. I did, however, do the masterful, impossible to detect Photoshopping you see before you. (In case you think I'm serious, yes, I'm making fun of my Photoshop skills).
I thought the effect was was pretty funny but I didn't actually go through the speech and change every word myself. There were a few points where I switched a couple of things around but for the most part it's a direct "translation". I hope that's not grounds for a -2 die fest, but if it amuses some people, well that's better than nothing.
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-02-28 11:37:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Damn that took me a little while to get through, but well worth it.
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-02-28 11:32:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
B@W
Plus fucking 2.
If I find out you didn't write this, I will destroy you.
**NOTE** I have referenced ACO in about 20% of my articles... and I've written a lot of articles.