The Mother Lode (1001 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.89 on 37 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by 1Point21Gigawatts (View user info) at 2005-02-28 14:00:03 EST
On Friday I went out with a chick who was relatively vapid, and out of respect for her I shunned a bunch of chicks at this bar that would've been glad to be on my cock. Oh well, you can't win 'em all, but you can try. Jared and I dropped it double-date style, spent a bunch of money on these chicks and didn't even get to grope. Our sushi appetizers were pretty fucking good, and my entree, scallops, was the bomb. Plus I got wasted and Jared is good company. But I didn't get laid.
So on Saturday, I've been talking dirty on and off with this gorgeous little hottie, and she's doing some wild shit that I just ain't used to. Hell, I'm talking about banging her, over the phone, and she's getting herself off. Such hot shit. I've got a raging hardon talking to her while I'm on my way out to meet some friends for dinner. I had to do the "flip-belt tuck" when I finally finished the conversation and walked into Chili's.
So it's been a while since I've been laid. No big deal, I've been meeting chicks left and right and just having fun being single, but every so often you just get a hankering. One of the girls I went out with was pretty enticing, and we ended up having a great time going out on Saturday, so in the natural progression of things, she accompanied me back to my place of residence. After drinking some water out of wine glasses (adds a flare of romance if you're too wasted to continue drinking) we retired to my bed where she gave me some ridiculous head.
I love getting head. This girl is on my shit, working it, and I'm finally getting the satisfaction I've been looking for since the last time I was with a chick, in like late January, but I'm nervous about blowing it. She was doing such an amazing job, so I turned my thoughts elsewhere. Specifically, baseball. While receiving this amazing blow job, I started thinking about where Joe Torre was going to put Giambi in the line-up, since he is going to be our DH even though he sucks. Those thoughts handled the early jitters, and I was then able to focus on the matter at hand.
This girl brought me to a near climax a few times during this head. It was great. Finally, when I felt the urge to release, I shot a load in her mouth at least ten the size of a normal load. This fucker was one for the record books. I had been worked up all day, viewing scantily clad pictures of my phone-sex friend and talking to her, plus I was grinding on this girl all night at the bar, so when closing time hit early on Sunday morning this girl got more than she bargained for. I mean, I had a slight case of blue balls going since 8PM. Time of ejaculation was approximately 5AM. That's a long time coming (no pun intended)!
Semen was spewing out of her mouth everywhere. She tried to swallow as much as she could, but my super-sperm was just too much for any normal human to take. I mean this shit was everywhere. John Holmes and Ron Jeremy would've been proud. I ended up with a disturbing amount all over my stomach, plus a ton of the overflow got all over my sheets. I think I freaked this girl out, because so much cum from one person must seem abnormal. I tried to explain to her the circumstances leading to that supershot, but I'm not sure she bought it. All I know is that ruined her favorite tee-shirt and my sheets definitely need a trip to the laundry. I could go at least another week without getting head for sure - then again work might be cancelled tomorrow and if this girl's free... Hmm, I'm gettin' ideas...
User Reviews
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-03-18 17:04:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by hollygolitely (user info) at 2005-02-28 20:14:39 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by 1Point21Gigawatts (user info) at 2005-02-28 14:25:29 (#)
Ranking: -2
I think it's funny that my life is so kick-ass that nobody believes I live it.
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I'm not sure it's that we don't believe you. It's more along the lines of thinking you're one of the weirdest fucking kids to grace the face of the planet.
Submitted by calbearspolo (user info) at 2005-03-18 16:55:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This was my last night. Yeah for head!
Submitted by Sherman (user info) at 2005-02-28 20:50:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by hollygolitely (user info) at 2005-02-28 20:14:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by 1Point21Gigawatts (user info) at 2005-02-28 14:25:29 (#)
Ranking: -2
I think it's funny that my life is so kick-ass that nobody believes I live it.
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I'm not sure it's that we don't believe you. It's more along the lines of thinking you're one of the weirdest fucking kids to grace the face of the planet.
Submitted by tlozoot (user info) at 2005-02-28 18:56:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Great post, as usual. Mind filling us in on the last Shenanigans post though?
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2005-02-28 17:43:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 because my life is kick ass, and everone knows it.
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2005-02-28 17:41:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
so lets ask the serious question:
would you do a 17 year old? let her blow you?
yeah, me too.
but would it be wrong, if she wanted it and was coming at you.
Submitted by ess-arr (user info) at 2005-02-28 17:32:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
nice, best way to slove that problem... remember fat chicks need sex too.
Submitted by the_lone_stranger (user info) at 2005-02-28 16:55:06 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
BOOOOORING
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-02-28 16:34:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
It's good to have a plan.
Custer had a plan.
Submitted by 1Point21Gigawatts (user info) at 2005-02-28 16:30:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I plan on banging many more bitches and hos in the future.
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2005-02-28 16:26:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-02-28 14:41:33 (#)
Ranking: 1
It must be Monday and you know what that means...
1point21 recaps all the broads he banged over the weekend.
And I, for one, am happy to read about them.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-02-28 16:10:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Damnit Doug, I told you NOT to write about it!
Ass.
Vegas w00t
Submitted by 1Point21Gigawatts (user info) at 2005-02-28 15:40:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Tim, you're the fucking man - just take girls out to your car and get 'em to blow ya there. Nuff said. Vegas will be sick.
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2005-02-28 15:23:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
<high fives>
way to go. we had a party at my house where me, my roommate, and my friend were the only people over the age of 19. Oh yeah, i hit on some 17 year old sluts hardcore...nothign came of it, but i got a 17 year old to grab my hand and put it on her ass.
it was glorious
Submitted by Lechuga (user info) at 2005-02-28 15:19:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Are you sure you didn't pin her to the ceiling like in Scary Movie?
Submitted by UrbaneMischief (user info) at 2005-02-28 15:06:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by 1Point21Gigawatts (user info) at 2005-02-28 14:57:26 (#)
Ranking: 0
Urbane, I just talked to her recently and we're planning on fucking soon. There's tons of shit I plan on doing to that chick...
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i gotta hear this.
Submitted by 1Point21Gigawatts (user info) at 2005-02-28 14:57:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Urbane, I just talked to her recently and we're planning on fucking soon. There's tons of shit I plan on doing to that chick...
Submitted by UrbaneMischief (user info) at 2005-02-28 14:54:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
ahahahhaha fucking awesome
if the phone sex hottie gets you so hot... why don't you just go fuck the hell out of her?
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-02-28 14:41:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
It must be Monday and you know what that means...
1point21 recaps all the broads he banged over the weekend.
And I, for one, am happy to read about them.
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-02-28 14:38:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Is it strange that I heard Joe Pesci's voice while reading this?
Submitted by WhoLetYouIn (user info) at 2005-02-28 14:32:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-02-28 14:30:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey bud if you say you think of Giambi while you get head, then hell who am i to dispute this?
Submitted by Badlands (user info) at 2005-02-28 14:30:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm pretty sure that oversized load came from you fantasizing about Giambi in the DH position.
Sinner....
Submitted by 1Point21Gigawatts (user info) at 2005-02-28 14:25:29 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I think it's funny that my life is so kick-ass that nobody believes I live it.
Submitted by 1Point21Gigawatts (user info) at 2005-02-28 14:14:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Filthy Ass and Kai, I could give a shit whether or not you believe a word I say.
If you choose to only read my posts about sex, then you'd probably have the image of me only writing about sex, but I leave that up to CBG.
Seriously though, you want pictures of me with naked chicks? I have them, tons of them. Posting them on uber would make me a world class scumbag, at least I respect the chicks I fuck enough to keep them anonymous.
But like I said, I really don't give a fuck if you think I make this all up. I'm the one who lives my life, not you...
Submitted by Imessedup (user info) at 2005-02-28 14:13:12 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Shenanigans. Tool.
Submitted by toucan_sam (user info) at 2005-02-28 14:10:20 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
atTn: gHey MEnz
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-02-28 14:08:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow some of you all really got a case of the grumpy mondays.
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2005-02-28 14:06:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-02-28 14:04:25 (#)
Ranking: 1
So, I'm not the only person that thinks of other things to prolong the fun. I usually think about fishing or football to take my mind off the situation.
I used to think of Math classes or all the shit I had to do the next day.
Submitted by Faithless_Whisper (user info) at 2005-02-28 14:06:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I guess this is interesting. I guess.
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2005-02-28 14:05:27 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Oh joy, another 'hilarious' paint-by-numbers tale of how some overrated cookie-cutter fuckwit got his end away.
Is this the only string to your bow?
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-02-28 14:04:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
So, I'm not the only person that thinks of other things to prolong the fun. I usually think about fishing or football to take my mind off the situation.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-02-28 14:04:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Mmmm.... disgusting.
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-02-28 14:03:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow Giambi must give good head!
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-02-28 14:03:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
wow
Submitted by kai070169 (user info) at 2005-02-28 14:03:03 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Bug fucking Uberstud. Bullshit. Would it be that difficult to whip out the old camera phone while she's licking your horn & get us a JPG. of the top of her head at least? Was she Chinese? I hear hey slurp limp noodles very well...
This ain't penthouse forum.