Ubernews 4003: Hardees New Burger will Murder you (1047 hits)
Category: NewsLabels: illustrated_news
Rating: 1.61 on 41 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Habeeb "5 Time Offender" Thomas (View user info) at 2005-02-28 17:58:58 EST
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http://www.ubersite.com/cgi-bin/search.cgi?q=illustrated+news
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HARDEE'S® INTRODUCES NEW MONSTER THICKBURGER™
HARDEE'S® INTRODUCES NEW MONSTER THICKBURGER™
The New 2/3 lb. Thickburger Takes Decadence to a New Level
ST. LOUIS, Mo. - November 15, 2004 - First there were burgers. Then there were Thickburgers. Now Hardee's is introducing the mother of all burgers - the Monster Thickburger™. Weighing in at two-thirds of a pound, this 100 percent Angus beef burger is a monument to decadence, yet is still a throwback, as it features lots of meat, cheese and bacon on a bun. Available at all Hardee's restaurants starting today, the Monster Thickburger is certain to crush the hunger pangs of even the most famished burger lovers.
"Before the introduction of the Thickburger line at Hardee's, the Monster Burger was one of our most popular menu items," said Brad Haley, executive vice president of marketing for Hardee's. "In fact, it's been one of the most requested items from our old menu. However, we didn't just bring it back. Since it's now a Thickburger, it's even bigger and better than it was before."
Like all Hardee's burgers, the Monster Thickburger features 100 percent Angus beef patties. In this case, it's got not one, but two 1/3-lb. charbroiled patties, topped with no less than four strips of crispy bacon, three slices of American cheese, and some mayonnaise - all on a buttered, toasted, sesame seed bun. The result is an updated version of a classic that requires two hands, a firm grip and a serious appetite.
Available at all Hardee's locations, the Monster Thickburger sells for $5.49 by itself, or $7.09 for a combo meal including medium fries and a medium drink. Lovers of bodacious burgers can visit www.monsterthickburger.com to download a coupon and learn more about Hardee's newest menu offering.
Coinciding with the Monster Thickburger introduction, Hardee's is partnering with NFL players in ten markets to raise money for charity. In each of the markets, one "monstrous" NFL player will work the drive-thru of a local Hardee's for two hours, and the proceeds from every Monster Thickburger sold at that location on that day will be donated to the player's charity of choice.
Hardee's is a wholly owned subsidiary of CKE Restaurants, Inc. (NYSE: CKR) of Carpinteria, Calif. As of the end of the second quarter on August 9, 2004, CKE Restaurants, Inc., through its subsidiaries, had a total of 3,206 franchised or company-owned restaurants in 44 states and in 14 countries, including 1,016 Carl's Jr.® restaurants, 2,067 Hardee's® restaurants and 105 La Salsa Fresh Mexican Grill® restaurants. For more information, or to find a Hardee's near you, go to www.ckr.com or www.hardees.com .
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Hahahahahahahahahahahahhaa
GO AMERICA WOO!!!
User Reviews
Submitted by fluffy_love (user info) at 2006-08-14 02:22:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
WAAA
(dies)
Submitted by Spooner (user info) at 2005-03-01 17:55:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
There. I -2'd them all.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2005-03-01 12:47:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I think I'll have one of these for lunch.
Submitted by Lisa (user info) at 2005-03-01 12:45:40 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Habeeb Thomas: Protecting your frontal lobe from exhaustion since September 26, 2003.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-03-01 12:38:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Lechuga (user info) at 2005-02-28 20:30:35 (#)
Ranking: 2
DADDY IT HURTS TO BREATHE
Submitted by Faithless_Whisper (user info) at 2005-03-01 12:35:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I hunger.
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2005-03-01 12:19:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I must live vicariously through you all as there is no Arby's out here in the middle of nowhere : -(
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2005-03-01 11:52:44 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
STFU man! I LOVE that burger!
<runs off sobbing>
Submitted by Bizdorph (user info) at 2005-03-01 10:49:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow, that burger sounds tasty. It's like America on a bun!
Submitted by hungovermondays (user info) at 2005-03-01 10:40:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
good old fat america
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-03-01 10:27:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-03-01 09:42:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I saw someone eat one of those once. It was disgusting.
Submitted by Soul-Fly (user info) at 2005-03-01 09:28:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I can't believe I'm giving this buttplug a + rating.
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-03-01 07:26:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by MichaelJackson (user info) at 2005-03-01 04:30:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahaha! How do you do it Habeeb
Submitted by myredmirage95 (user info) at 2005-03-01 01:27:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I went to Hardee's one night because it was the only place open and I was insanely hungry..and there was the Monster Thickburger. I bought one and almost had a heart attack just from looking at it. It took over 2 days to eat that thing and I still didn't finish it...oh, and I had to have a triple bypass the next day as a result. I'm sticking to the caesar salad at Wendy's from now on.
Submitted by Skullcrusher (user info) at 2005-03-01 01:03:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Illustrated news is the shit.
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2005-02-28 22:46:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I like that green line of lettuce.
Submitted by Saxon (user info) at 2005-02-28 22:39:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ok ok you scared a +2 out of me now i might go flush an aorta.
Submitted by Hadooken (user info) at 2005-02-28 20:34:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
well done.
Submitted by Lechuga (user info) at 2005-02-28 20:30:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
DADDY IT HURTS TO BREATHE
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2005-02-28 19:27:10 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
one per day doesn't apply to habeeb.
Submitted by sparkle_pink (user info) at 2005-02-28 19:25:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by PlaguedByMurphy (user info) at 2005-02-28 19:16:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Damn I'm hungry
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2005-02-28 19:16:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-02-28 18:35:26 (#)
Ranking: 2
"Oh God my aorta"
AAAAAH HAHAHAHAHAHHAAAAAAAAAAA!
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2005-02-28 18:59:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
YOU'RE!!!!!!!!!!!!
Submitted by mikethescottish (user info) at 2005-02-28 18:48:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
In abscence of my having anything witty to add, have a +2.
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-02-28 18:35:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Oh God my aorta"
AAAAAH HAHAHAHAHAHHAAAAAAAAAAA!
Submitted by NoahsArk (user info) at 2005-02-28 18:34:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2005-02-28 18:33:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm in love.
Colesl@w.
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2005-02-28 18:25:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm a b-boy
Standin in my b-boy stance
Hurry up and give me the microphone before I bust in my pants
The mad author of anguish
My language, Polluted
Onyx is heavyweight (Sonsee: And still undisputed!!)
He took the words right out my mouth and walked a mile in my shoes
I've paid so many dues, I feel used and abused
And I'm.... so confused
umm, excuse me, for example
I'm the inspiration, for a WHOLE generation
And unless you got 10 SSsssticky Fingers
Its straight immitation
A figment, of your imagination
But but but but wait it gets worse!!
I'm not watered down so I'm dyin of thirst
Comin thru wit a scam, a fullproof plan
B-boys make some noise, and just, JUST SLAM!
Submitted by DavyJones (user info) at 2005-02-28 18:23:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This may be the first Beeb post I've liked.
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2005-02-28 18:16:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
where's ma sammich?
Submitted by Spooner (user info) at 2005-02-28 18:15:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hardee's stomps all over your shit. I love Burger King, but if there was a Hardee's around here I would patronize the shit out of it.
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-02-28 18:11:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
SHBGJHDJVBJDHBV! POOP
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-02-28 18:07:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
This was ALMOST funny, Tardo.
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2005-02-28 18:06:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Wallstreet (user info) at 2005-02-28 18:05:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/54744
Submitted by dodahdave (user info) at 2005-02-28 18:05:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
okay, this shit is fuckin funny!
*Aorta!*
Submitted by Wallstreet (user info) at 2005-02-28 18:05:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2
Here is a post and picture of it in all its glory.
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2005-02-28 18:01:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I love your illustrated news. Oh, and ENGORGE ENGORGE ENGORGE.