Drinking in My Car at A Laundrymat While my Friend Gets Poo Out of His Pants (1126 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.65 on 18 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Wallstreet (View user info) at 2005-03-01 11:04:25 EST
Wallstreet had a doozy of of weekend.
About 2 years ago my best friend from kindegarden moved out from Chicago to the sunny city of Los Angles, California. We talk off and on usually on a daily basis. I have been out his way to see baseball games, tour Hollywood (The Whisky, The Roxy, Viper Room, Laugh Factory....etc.) but it was his turn to come back to cold ass Illinois for a visit.
The weekend started off fairly low key. Well, at least what would be low key for us I guess. Friday is an entire story in itself, but I digress. Fast forward to Saturday.
Night starts off great. We catch some dinner at a really nice place downtown that have been going to for years. Met some friends in the city and ate, drank and were merry. It was great. After dinner we then proceeded to go to the Chicago Wolves game that night. FYI the wolves are in the league that would be considered to be a step below the NHL. Being that it is not quite baseball season and that the NHL is on strike we figured this would be a fun idea. Little did I know at this point that I would be drinking Bushmill's Irish Whisky in my car with no pants on later that night.
Game was fun as hell. They do it up really good because they have to have some nitche to compete with the NHL. My buddy from L.A. (lets call him Bob...) was already pretty inebriated at this point. Guess that Irish Car Bombs and Sambuca will do that to ya.
After the game we are still feeling good so we decide to frequent a "gentleman's club" or as others put it "ass bar" or "titty club". Fuck it.....it was a strip club. We both get out fair share of lap dances......I hold back because I am driving....Bob preceeds to get even more sloppy drunk then he already was.....good time was had by all.
Here is where it gets messy......
Driving home from the bar we are rehashing all the good times from our childhood and our previous exploits. As I am throwin in a C.D. (Crystal Method:Vegas) I hear the most ungodly sound expunge from the ass of Bob. Ok...he farted...funny...haha. It started to smell. Bad.
"Bob...that is fucking sick. How does one's body create such a smell."
"Dude...we have a problem"
"What is it"
"I just crapped myself"
If you want to know what a buzz kill for a good night is I would say that though 4 words definitly sum it up. He is more embaressed then I can even describe to you in my ranblings here.
"Well Bob.....we are almost back to my place.....you change.....shower up.....and we drink again"
"Dude.....you can't tell ANYONE about this"
"Dont worry...I won't tell A SOUL" (let alone I at this point knew that this whole situation would be Uberworthy so that such a great tale could be forever posted on the internet)
Ends up that my roomate was having people over so getting back into my place undetected would be an impossibility. I didn't give a shit because I found the whole thing amusing. He didn't want this girl who was back at my place to find out about what happened.
I come up with a plan being the good friend I am.
"I'm going to the grocery store....sit there in shame and keep your mouth shut....Il be back in ten min....sit in the car and keep quiet"
I then go get som detergant, some quarters and a bottle of Jagermeister for later. We go to the laundry mat and he turns to me and tells me (in a slurred voice) how good of a friend I am for doing his. I then break it to him that Im not doing shit. He is going to clean the own crap out of his pants.
"But dude....I can't go in the laundrymat with no pants on!"
Dammit. The drunk bastard has a point.
"Fuck it.....take my jeans...wear em while doing the laundry and then give em back to me when you are done"
I am rehashing this in my head and realizing that I am going to have to sit in the fucking car for however long it takes his drunk stupid ass to clean his pants. I do what any intellegent person would do at this point.
Drink
I leave you with this. Picture the following:
1. Your best friend shit himself.
2. You are drinking in a car outside a laundrymat at 2 in the morning.
3. You have no pants on.
4. You in plain sight can see your friend literally falling to the ground and bumping into crazy
people who do laundry at 2 in the morn.
Thank god the laundrymat was 3 blocks away. I was piss drunk after the TWO FUCKING hours it took him.
Good day.
Real men don't spell check.
User Reviews
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-03-01 22:57:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Awww. Did Bobby make a messy-wessy? Yes he did!
Submitted by BongZilla (user info) at 2005-03-01 17:52:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
haha Wallstreet great story. Did you hit up Giordanno's. I actually got to experience it last summer while I was in Chicago. Man that deep dish pizza is ridiculous.
Submitted by NYCRulz (user info) at 2005-03-01 17:31:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
very funny story
Submitted by jumpinjellyfish (user info) at 2005-03-01 16:36:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Incontinence is a horrible thing.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2005-03-01 15:22:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by ICO (user info) at 2005-03-01 12:58:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Real men get +2's.
Submitted by Wallstreet (user info) at 2005-03-01 12:54:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
That was a +0
Very good disk though
Submitted by HZRD (user info) at 2005-03-01 12:44:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
automatic +2: (Crystal Method:Vegas)
Submitted by Faithless_Whisper (user info) at 2005-03-01 12:28:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sounds like the time I was at the beach with my best girlfriend and she stepped on a sharp rock and pissed herslef. My mom was there, so we had to act fast. I was a great friend, and I pushed her into the lake.
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2005-03-01 12:19:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for the "Follow-through".
-Dave
Submitted by Dannie (user info) at 2005-03-01 12:08:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Just a lovely shit story.
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2005-03-01 11:53:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
HaHa he "Sharted"
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-03-01 11:30:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Poopee!!!
Submitted by Kraven (user info) at 2005-03-01 11:15:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Thats sounds like a poop-ifically good time!
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-03-01 11:14:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You're a good friend. If I ever pooped my pants I would want you with me.
Submitted by hungovermondays (user info) at 2005-03-01 11:13:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
When you have bushmills and Jaeg, who the fuck needs pants?
I had a friend in college that shit his pants on the couch, and oh the face he made when he let it go. He denied it forever after, but well, you know how that goes.
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-03-01 11:13:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2005-03-01 11:13:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
CHICAGO WOOOO YEAH!!!!