Nearly a bar fight 1 - Deflating my ego (581 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 1.27 on 15 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Walrus_King <jamespeddle.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2005-03-01 11:12:48 EST
Now I like a drink, probably a little more than the next guy but I do like a drink. I particularly like going out on the town (albeit a shit town) for a few drinks. Despite what my last camwhore may suggest I'm not an escaped physco and I don't go out get drunk and start fights.
Like most of us after I've had a few to drink I think that I could take on a room full of ninjas.... Blindfolded... with nothing but my car keys for defence (props to whoever's that is, I did look for it but couldn't find) if I need to, and only if I need to, in the past I have got into a couple of scraps as all teenagers do, each and everyone has been in the defence of someone else, oh sorry I can think of 2 times that have been my own doing.
Firstly one which wasn't my own doing, I call this story deflating my ego.
One of my best friends has a little sister, at the time she was 15 and looked about 19; she was also gorgeous, being my friend's sister who I have known all my life I have always had a sworn oath to protect her from harm to the best of my ability. On one occasion when a group of friends and I were down the pub a couple of much older blokes got chatting to her and another friend of mine. They invited them across the road to another pub, despite my objections they still went. Me being me I sat up at the bar not happy about this and had a couple of double southern comforts and coke, I then decided that I was not going to stand for this and I was going to go and get her. I turned to her brother who up until now had had the opinion that it was her life and asked him if he was coming with me. He said 'nah, I'm sure you can handle it.'
So I was on my own, walking over the road to go and get my best friends little sister back from the clutches of 2 men who were both older then me, probably their mid-twenties and both built like brick shit-houses. I walked in and laid the situation down straight I think it went something along the lines of;
'Right! Firstly you bitch get up you coming with me, don't make me have to pimp slap you all the way home, Secondly you two pansy assed fairies aint gunna say shit or I'll be tearing you a new arsehole and eating you fucking liver for breakfast!'
Hmm, actually I don't think that happened I think it went more like this;
'Erm, hun, come on we're all off home now so it's time you left'
'But James these guys were just about buy us another round'
'Yeah their probably going to put rohypnol in your drink' I muttered under my breath,
'Oi, what was that!' one of the Neanderthals spoke up, wahey it speaks.
'I said that the girls are probably younger than you think' I quickly back-pedalled.
'Oh, well can't you see the girls aren't interested in going with you'
'Look, I don't give a toss what that one does' I said indicating my older friend 'she's big enough and ugly enough to look after herself, but she is coming with me!' I said now indicating my younger of the two friends, 'And nothing you can say or do is going to change that!'
At this point the two Neanderthals stood up, Fuck! I thought to myself, what ever was about to happen here was not going to be pretty, I was expecting to take a beating but none the less I got into my 'fuck-with-me-and-I'm-gunna-kill-you' stance lowered my eyebrow(s) and put a mean face on. Then the two blokes sat down.
'Yeah, that's right; you'd better sit your punk arses down if you know what's good for you!'
I was feeling rather smug with myself, I didn't realise that my mean face looked so mean,
'Come on Hun' I said 'let's leave these pussies to it'
'For fucks sake Andy! Did you have to be standing there, couldn't you have at least hidden so you didn't dent my ego quite so much'
Andy had decided that I was taking too long and had been growing even more nervous by the minute and guilty for not going with me. Now I'm not a small bloke, I'm 6 foot 3 and not of a bad build, Andy towers over me, he is 6 foot 11 and weighs in at a massive 26 stone. Also when you are threatening his best friend and trying to keep hold of his little sister he has a look on his face like he is going to rip your head clean off, then eat it, then shit down your throat, while eating your friend. On one occasion he was sitting down when 5 Asians started to pick on him. He stood up and they had a look of terror on their faces, then he proceeded to lay down a beating and left them sprawled across the car park he was sitting in. Have you got the impression that this bloke is huge yet?!?
Needless to say I walked back to the other pub with my tail between my legs, when one of our friends asked what happened Andy didn't relent any in telling him exactly what I was saying when he walked in and my reaction when the guys sat down. I was laughed at.... A lot, but it's all fun.
Anyway, I got a peck on the cheek from his sister; at least she knew that I would come through for her if it was ever needed.
User Reviews
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-03-01 23:02:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Walrus_King (user info) at 2005-03-01 11:47:48 (#)
Ranking: 0
Thecaes - What article did you write that in, I remember it stuck in my head...
*****************************
It was...oh, you found it already. Never mind. Glad I could help.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-03-01 16:53:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Instead of a peck, you shoulda went for the usual blow job.
Submitted by ess-arr (user info) at 2005-03-01 16:36:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I've had a few to drink I think that I could take on a room full of ninjas.... Blindfolded... with nothing but my car keys for defence
---------------
that reminds me of a story I need to post, thanks
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2005-03-01 15:26:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by garcon_fou (user info) at 2005-03-01 12:28:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2005-03-01 11:31:52 (#)
Ranking: 2
jailbait, indeed...
<sigh>
Submitted by Walrus_King (user info) at 2005-03-01 11:53:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
62% can take out a roomful of ninjas while blindfolded with car keys as his/her only weapon -- ah, who am I kidding, HIS only weapon.
Aha! found it...
http://www.ubersite.com/m/55116
Submitted by ChesterTheJester (user info) at 2005-03-01 11:51:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
jail bait is delicious
Submitted by Walrus_King (user info) at 2005-03-01 11:49:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2005-03-01 11:37:34 (#)
Ranking: -1
You were still drunk when you wrote this right? Because it wsa utterly terrible.
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And you say I'm drunk, learn which way the 'a' and the 's' keys are on the keyboard.
Oh yeah, I almost forgot...
Suck it
Submitted by Walrus_King (user info) at 2005-03-01 11:47:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Thecaes - What article did you write that in, I remember it stuck in my head...
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-03-01 11:41:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
*fantasizes about sexy English blokes*
.......
*ejaculates*
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2005-03-01 11:37:34 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
You were still drunk when you wrote this right? Because it wsa utterly terrible.
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2005-03-01 11:31:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
jailbait, indeed...
<sigh>
Submitted by Kraven (user info) at 2005-03-01 11:22:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Sounds like a cool chick, but jail bait man... she'll be old nuff soon...
Keep her single till then... then just wreck that pussy when shes 18!
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-03-01 11:21:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Like most of us after I've had a few to drink I think that I could take on a room full of ninjas.... Blindfolded... with nothing but my car keys for defence (props to whoever's that is, I did look for it but couldn't find)"
Hey, that's me! Cool. I was quoted.
Good story, but a little sloppy, and I gotta tell ya, that was not the way to handle that situation. You can protect your friend without attacking someone (verbally or otherwise), you know what I mean? Ah, but that's the magic of booze.
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-03-01 11:16:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment