Doritos Mud (407 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 0.17 on 6 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by skweetis (View user info) at 2005-03-02 12:35:11 EST
Somewhere between the clever wit and mumbled ramblings, I decided that it was time to do something. I couldn't stand sitting here, my mind garbled with thoughts of disgust, fear, and perversion. I knew something had gone horribly wrong when I found myself lying on the floor chewing Doritos into mush, spitting them on the floor, and then eating the orange mush again. Doritos Mud. I was starting a new and marvelous way to consume food. It only made sense to chew food and then exposing it to the air. It seemed to gain more life and substance from the surrounding dirt and hair that had gathered on the kitchen floor.
Shortly after someone had taken the bag of chips away from me, I found myself sitting on the recliner watching TV. Some asshole decided it would be a good idea to watch a Pantera video. Don't get me wrong. Pantera is one of the greatest metal bands of all time. Images of drunken partying, kids vomiting, crank whores flashing their tits, and pure metal madness flash in my brain. Showing me death and destruction at a whole new level. Death. I could have gone without that. Violence. Ugh! I don't know if I can stand it anymore. Must turn my eyes from the screen. I just can't do it. By this time my hand was halfway in my mouth. I pulled it out and seen dozens of teeth marks. I'm lucky I didn't bite my fingers off. I think someone noticed the redness and swelling on my hands.
Pimp-Bot. I believe one of Conan O'Brien's most ingenious characters. Lust now fills my head. I'm not sure why just the thought of a pimp robot would turn me on, but it did. I imagine myself masturbating there watching Pimp-Bot. Or at least I hope that was a hallucination. No one has ever told me otherwise. I can't stand it anymore. Faceless people begin walking up and down the stairs. The same person keeps going up and down. Feedback and noise begin filling my ears piercing my soul, reminding me of the death and violence of Pantera. I wish I could just stop it. I begin looking for my shoes. I knew I put them down somewhere.
Standing outside in the cold, smoking my last cigarette, I noticed the clouds in the cold October night. The moon radiated colors to each one. I had to lay down for a minute. The feedback was only getting louder. I couldn't escape it. Maybe if I just laid there and stared into the moon, something would show me the way.
Warmth. My friend's cat decided to lay on my stomach. Warmth. The most wonderful warmth I had ever felt. I knew things would be different. It was time to go get some cigarettes. We all jumped in the car and headed to town.
Amongst all the laughter and loud music, I heard a knock. Standing there like a savior, a cop had saved me from this hell I had been driving towards. Somehow, I decided to go the wrong way down the one way. I'm glad I was pulled over. That knock had awakened me from a horrible dream. He had asked if we were smoking. "Yeah, we did earlier, but now I'm just tired." I'm surprised he believed that considering my eyes were wide open. I'm sure I had no iris left surrounding my pupil, even with his flashlight directly in my eye. Well, he gave me a warning for being honest and sent me on my way. I dropped everyone off and decided to go home and sleep. The next day, I think I discovered the mistake of mixing Doritos Mud with my activities. I was on the toilet for 5 hours straight watching the fractals in the dryer.
User Reviews
Submitted by phuzzygish (user info) at 2005-03-03 04:06:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
This is your life on drugs.
Submitted by Drone_of_Industry (user info) at 2005-03-02 18:14:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
+1 cause I've heard it
Submitted by thaumaturge (user info) at 2005-03-02 13:14:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Visceral.
Submitted by Fartman (user info) at 2005-03-02 12:54:20 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Way to go, kid.
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-03-02 12:51:18 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-03-02 12:43:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Put the bong down and back away slowly.