I'm still drunk (675 hits)
Category: Business & FinancialRating: -0.08 on 15 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by DanceCommander (View user info) at 2005-03-02 18:41:49 EST
I didn't mean to get drunk last night and now I'm fucked. I decided to go to work this morning despite the fact that I'm obviously still retarded. Some of my co-workers have commented on how I look "fucked up" and my "eye's are really glassy". Thanks for noticing. I'm too drunk to come up with any decent material in response. I could be like "yeah? whatever." Zing.
Given that my job involves complex tasks I'm sure my clients would appreciate the fact that I've had a bottle of wine, numerous beers and then shots. I had this one shot and I swear to god the all the bartender did was piss in the shot glass. It tasted like genital herpes. You know. Like chicken.
Everything tastes like chicken. I ate a frog and a hamster once. Hamster's are delicacies in Peru. They taste like chicken. Fortunately I like chicken.
I also like ninjas. I remember reading here about how someone thought pirates could beat ninjas. Well thats fucking crap. Ninjas can beat everyone. The world would be a better place if there were more ninjas. In fact, I can't think of anything that wouldn't be better without about 9 or 10 ninjas just throwing shurikens at everyone. Pirates spend extensive periods of time with lots of other pirates stuck on a pirate ship. Ninjas don't.
In fact, if I was a ninja no-one would have said to me "you look smashed". Why? Because I would have crept through the ventilation shafts like silent death and decapitated them before they even noticed me. I would also probably have disappeared as silently as I arrived leaving no trace of my existence.
Then I could sit in my office and everytime someone walked in I could throw a smoke-bomb on the ground and disappear. They would be like "Hey have you got the so and so file?" and I'd be like "Um...who the fuck are you talking to because there's no-one here except a dense acrid cloud of smoke." Yes sir. Acrid clouds of smoke. There's nothing better. Except ninjas.
Whatever.
User Reviews
Submitted by crownofsuns (user info) at 2005-11-06 01:27:35 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by yeahthatme (user info) at 2005-11-06 01:25:31 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I think it was Samurais could beat pirates. And they could. Totally.
Submitted by jeveuxgagner (user info) at 2005-11-06 01:01:15 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
so you hate me.
so you rate every new post i make... clicking especially on my user info to find them.
i thought i would have a read, see what you're up to.
turns out you are interesting and funny and clearly very smart.
"There's nothing better. Except ninjas. "
that was so funny i laughed so hard because NO-ONE elso on the internet every mentions how cool ninjas are and it was so relevant and everything i just couldnt help laughing.
Now go jerk off to your sister's panties. Again.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-06-05 20:03:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Feijuada (user info) at 2005-04-15 03:34:10 (#)
Ranking: -1
HEY LOOK AT ME I'M DRUNK HUR HUR I'LL SAY A FEW RANDOM THINGS AND THEY'LL BE FUNNY BECAUSE I'M DRUNK!
Submitted by Feijuada (user info) at 2005-04-15 03:34:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
HEY LOOK AT ME I'M DRUNK HUR HUR I'LL SAY A FEW RANDOM THINGS AND THEY'LL BE FUNNY BECAUSE I'M DRUNK!
Submitted by lordofthedance (user info) at 2005-04-15 03:15:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No I wouldn't. Drunk ninjas are still exceptionally well balanced.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-04-14 00:31:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
If you were a drunk ninja you'd fall over and get a
ninja star lodged in your forehead.
Submitted by lordofthedance (user info) at 2005-04-14 00:13:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks for coming Shlongy. Keep up with the lame insults. What about "Look at all my hate posts". I've never seen that done before.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-04-13 22:20:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Haven't read any "I'm Still Drunk" posts since....well, there's like 6 of them per day in here. Mostly penned by 18 year old social misfits. So I guess it was probably earlier today.
None of them has ever been interesting. Try again, cocksucker.
Submitted by aaron (user info) at 2005-03-04 03:00:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ninjas are what's really good.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-03-02 20:03:51 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I can't relate but my 4 year old nephew wears Ninja pajamas.
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2005-03-02 19:58:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2005-03-02 18:48:10 (#)
Ranking: 2
For some reason, that was one of the funnier things I've read in a while.
Submitted by olivia_tremor_control (user info) at 2005-03-02 19:13:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i liked it, but +2 mostly because dance commander is my favorite Electric 6 song.
Submitted by EbolaMay (user info) at 2005-03-02 19:02:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Why? Because I would have crept through the ventilation shafts like silent death and decapitated them before they even noticed me.
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2005-03-02 18:48:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
For some reason, that was one of the funnier things I've read in a while.