Shaun Goes Mad (pt. 1) (877 hits)
Category: Quotes & StoriesRating: 2 on 6 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by HZRD (View user info) at 2005-03-02 22:49:49 EST
This is the first part... but I think you read the title already. I've got part two and three written, I just think I should rewrite a couple of sections. It gets crazier and darker, trust me. read on...
==================================================================================================
Shaun sat at his desk, staring at a spreadsheet he had done last month. He tried to remember where the hell he got these numbers from, wondering why the hell the company needed this miniscule report from him anyway. His memory had really escaped him this time... did the Data Processing department help him with it?
Bored and slightly annoyed at himself and his job, he let his mind wander. Was it possible for one to have a midlife crisis at 25? If this was his midlife crisis, would he live past fifty and not see retirement, just a balding head, a bottle of Rogaine and a fat stomach? He was bored with where he lived, bored with his girlfriend of four years, bored of his job. Where would he move to if he decided to pack up and leave DC? Would he remain in his profession, or would he go back to school?
His thoughts were interrupted by his boss' peach-fuzzy face popping over his cubicle's low wall. Shaun wondered why he hadn't heard her fat footsteps.
"Look, I'm not going to edit these anymore," the troll snapped. Shaun nodded in response, as it was best to let the mugwump get her anger out without giving her anything to make her angrier. His boss laced into him about his monthly sales tracking report.
His mind wandered again. He wondered what her face would look like if he pulled the handgun out of his pocket and pointed it at her bloated face. He imagined she would let a small scream go and then say with a trembling voice, "Shaun, put that down. We don't need violence here." He would probably tell her to shut the hell up and force the gun up into the waddle of her neck and she would say "Shaun, oh God! Oh God! I'm so-"
"I'd better see these on my desk tomorrow, at nine A.M. SHARP! Got it?" She shoved a copy of the report Shaun had spent the entirety of the last two days doing this report Darcy had asked him to do this stupid report on top of all of his other work. He thought this would please her, but obviously he "hadn't followed directions." It really wasn't easy to understand a boss that talked in non-sequiturs when giving directions.
"Yes, ma'am." He watched Darcy turn on her heel and walk back to her office. He could hear her pants swish together as she walked into her office. She slammed her door.
Shaun looked down at the report in his hand. Jesus, it had red pen marks and writing all over it. "Crap. I'll come in early tomorrow and fix this shit," he muttered to one. He looked at his desktop and noticed the clock move it's way to 5:30. Time to go bakc to his empty home. Shaun put on his heavy coat, stuck his headphones in his ears, threw his carrier bag over his shoulder and snuck out the back door.
--------------
Shaun awoke on the Yellow line just in time to hear the conductor say "L'Enfant Plaza! Transfer point to the Blue, Orange and Green lines! Doors opening!" He heard the punk music raging through his earphones... fuck, how the hell had he fallen asleep again? Last time he woke up on the Yellow line it was heading back the other way, almost halfway back to work.
"Excuse me," he muttered to the old man sitting next to him, "this is my stop." Shaun methodically moved out onto the platform as if on auto-pilot and stood waiting for the Green line.
He peered beyond the seemingly hundreds of people waiting for the same train. Seven minutes. Shit.
(For anyone who doesn't know what it's like to wait for a train in the middle of a city when you're trying to get home after a long day of work, let me tell you how it feels: it feels like a fucking eternity. The minutes pass slower than they would in a doctor's waiting room and even slower than surgery.)
Shaun looked around him. No attractive women at all - fat women, old women, and fat, old women certainly, but no attractive women on the platforms. Shaun looked down at himself. What the hell was he wearing this shirt and tie for? Why was his hair so neat and short? It was only three short years ago that he had a Mohawk and wore high red Doc Martens. He was poor and happy, living in a cheap apartment, dating girls of all races and walks of life. Now he had a million bills to pay and an increasingly fatter girlfriend.
He looked up and saw three metalhead teenagers on the opposite side of the platform, two boys and a girl, running down the escalator the wrong way. He smiled and thought "Jesus that was me seven years ago. What a bunch of assholes." The smaller of the two boys continued running down the platform to the level below. The boy and girl shrugged, embraced, and kissed, and then they swung around in their tight embrace so that Shaun could see the girl's eyes peeking over his shoulder and the boy's back facing him. "That kid looks a bit older than her" he thought, and then added, "Shit that girl's hot. What is she? Sixteen?"
As the train screeched to a stop, Shaun moved through the thick crown to get on, still craning his neck to observe the couple embracing (them not caring whether or not the train left without them). As Shaun took the last step on, he met the girl's eyes. The girl winked at him! Wait, had she? No, it couldn't have been for him, but what if it was? The door closed, and Shaun was mashed in between four old Japanese women who had just finished shopping at the Gap, forced up against the subway door.
The train lurched its shaky way forward, Shaun bewildered at what he had seen and even more depressed than before. It was like every day was the worst day of his life - much like "Office Space" but his real, depressing reality. The weekends didn't even mean anything anymore, they just separated the five days of agony he called work. He stared at a Latino girl in the window's reflection until she noticed and looked away.
The train carried out past the tunnel, the ground whipping on beneath the train's rails, the Japanese women talking loudly, the train wheels clacking, Shaun taking it all in. He pressed the palms of his hands and his forehead up against the glass and imagined the Potomac River rising in a torrent, carrying the train back into the freezing winter water with it, swallowing him whole. He took a quick look down at the bulge his handgun made in his front pocket, and then stared back at the darkening sky out the scratched window of the Metro.
----------
The next morning at dawn, Shaun awoke on the living room sofa with an empty bottle of Jack Daniels in his hand and a plan in his head. He grabbed the handgun off the floor, looked at it in all its wonder, shoved it in his wrinkled pants pocket and ran out the front door. "Careful not to wake Darcy!" he said to himself, then slammed the door as hard as he could.
"Hey world, look out for me! Hahahahaha! WHOOOOOO!"
User Reviews
Submitted by Ducky (user info) at 2005-03-11 22:28:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I am the female version of Shaun...sigh.
Submitted by engine13 (user info) at 2005-03-03 12:41:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Looking forward to more.
Submitted by A_D_Sweetmeat (user info) at 2005-03-03 09:26:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-03-03 04:57:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This actually made me feel like breaking down amnd crying. I shall spend the rest of the day staring at pigeons pecking at each other and try to convince myself that freedom isn't all it's cracked up to be.
Submitted by NinjaSpeed (user info) at 2005-03-03 03:52:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Chinaski (user info) at 2005-03-02 22:58:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Much better than writing an essay.