I've Never Been to Amsterdam or The Curse of The Tulip (650 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.69 on 34 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Apollo (View user info) at 2005-03-03 05:37:51 EST
Nope, never been.
Tried to go, oh yes. I've tried to go.
Three times.
Amsterdam could well have been designed specifically for me. Wob, porn, blondes, porn, beer, art.
Guess where I should be right now? Amsterdam. I should be checking into the room I booked at the Amsterdam Crowne Plaza, ditching my bags and heading outside to inhale the 'culture'.
But I'm not.
It's all gone tits up. Again.
The first time we tried to go one of my friends had a death in the immediate family.
The second time on the way to the airport my mate crashed the car.
The third time, this time we finally made it.
No one died, no car crashes (I insisted on drving to the airport - at least if I crashed it would be myself I was punching in the cock.), the plane left on time.
Success! I turned to Paul and said "looks like we have finally made it!".
I then switched my ipod back on. As the dulcet tones of Immortal Technique rang in my ears I got a tap on the shoulder.
Irritated I took my headphones off.
"What?"
"Did you hear that?"
"No, what?"
"The pilot said there has been a heavy snow storm and Schipol airport is closed."
"Hehehehe. Get fucked. No way."
The announcement was repeated, this time with the news that we were going back to Liverpool to await the airport reopening.
When we arrived back the flight was cancelled, along with the four next flights to Amsterdam.
So here I am, all packed, new scarf on. Back at home.
Fuck it, I am off to buy some hard core porn, weed and grolsch.
Liverpool is mini-amsterdam today.
User Reviews
Submitted by G-prime (user info) at 2005-03-03 15:12:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm going there for march break. Space cakes for breakfast every single morning. Can't wait.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-03-03 15:01:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
you should have drove to Amsterdam, dude - that's how we do it in America.
Submitted by HZRD (user info) at 2005-03-03 14:59:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
GRRRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLSCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(I'm pretty sure they named that beer for the sound it makes when you belch after drinking it.)
HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAA!
excellent
==================
anyway, if you ever get there, ever, go get some mushrooms and head to the Van Gogh museum. yes. good times had by all, except when my friend's coat tried to eat him.
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-03-03 14:48:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by jumpinjellyfish (user info) at 2005-03-03 14:43:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I also never made it while I was young, single and could still have enjoyed it. However, about 5 years ago I got routed through the Airport while flying from JFK to Madrid (KLM had a cut rate price if you took that route). It was a 5 hour layover but I never left the airport. My wild days were obviously over.
I hope your luck changes and you get to visit it soon.
Submitted by Soul-Fly (user info) at 2005-03-03 13:30:22 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Loser
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-03-03 11:54:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Bummer.
Submitted by Lechuga (user info) at 2005-03-03 11:20:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That sucks dude. Hope ya make it!
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2005-03-03 11:20:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
i hate titles with that format.
but i'm soprry, get to amstraidammn!soon and smoke some of the chronic.
dont' do drugs.
Submitted by ess-arr (user info) at 2005-03-03 11:03:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
that blows.
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2005-03-03 10:08:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Bloody brilliant.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-03-03 09:24:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I want to go there! Whores rule!
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-03-03 09:12:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
it is comforting to know there is a nation on earth that deals with snow worse than britain coyote.
Submitted by MisterOCD (user info) at 2005-03-03 09:10:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Awww man, that blows. Have a +2.
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2005-03-03 08:57:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
If you call about 7 inches of accumulation spread over 36 hours a major snowstorm, then yes, they were hit with a major snowstorm.
My mom was on one of the first planes allowed to land at Schiphol this morning... she described to me the view from the air, as they had to circle for 45 minutes while one lone snowplow cleared a single runway. "All the planes sitting at the gates, totally covered in snow, like a scene from a kids' Christmas book." I didn't have the heart to tell her that it had been slowly piling up since Tuesday night, and that the airport management had probably just paid the same amount of attention to snow removal as the railways and the highway departments have done.
I tell you, driving around here the past few days has been a source of constant amusement.
You really get the impression it's never snowed before.
I'm sorry your trip got cancelled, but you should probably count yourself lucky you're safe at home during this troubling, confusing, epoch-making natural disaster.
Submitted by Dervel (user info) at 2005-03-03 08:56:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I stayed at the Hemp Hotel in 'dam (hark at me).
Everything in the room was made out of Hemp, including the sheets and soap.
None of it was smokable though.
The mushrooms we found growing behind the sink where pretty cool though.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-03-03 08:43:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-03-03 07:41:51 (#)
Ranking: 2
Aw. That sucks!!! I am sorry.
PS. You'll be missed in Vegas. """"
Thanks tiger lilly.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-03-03 08:14:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHAHAHAHA @ the Warriors.
That movie rocks.
Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2005-03-03 07:49:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That's wierd. I have never felt as safe while stoned as when I was staggering through the red light district at 3am. The people where freindly, asking me if I wanted to buy their bicycle or heroin and the only trouble we had was when Andy tried to talk to someone.
--
Man, it freaked me the fuck out trying to get out of the place after being mugged.
The whole place just changed after 3aqm, all the tourists disappeared and everywhere we went people would just pop out of the shadows and start whispering "crack...want some crack?". We could see the church that marked the boundary between 'safe land' and the red light district, but all the way there I could just feel a horrible kind of malevolence lurking in the shadows.
It felt just like that movie "The Warriors"
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2005-03-03 07:47:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Well, on the bright side, I suppose you have a new metaphore for when you write.
From now on, all things beautiful and perfect and unatainable shall be dubbed "Amsterdam."
Which was also the secret fake name of Leonardo DiCaprio's character in "Gangs of New York."
Incidentally.
GRRRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLSCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(I'm pretty sure they named that beer for the sound it makes when you belch after drinking it.)
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-03-03 07:41:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Aw. That sucks!!! I am sorry.
PS. You'll be missed in Vegas.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-03-03 07:27:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2005-03-03 06:20:20 (#)
Ranking: 2
I went to amsterdam and got mugged. not fun.
I guess that's what you get for walking around the red-light district at 0300am, too stoned to see.
(if you ever do go, don't do that by the way)
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That's wierd. I have never felt as safe while stoned as when I was staggering through the red light district at 3am. The people where freindly, asking me if I wanted to buy their bicycle or heroin and the only trouble we had was when Andy tried to talk to someone. Also we had difficulty when Rob told John to "shut your bombacock mouth" when we where in the Bob Marley Peace Cafe. Then later we had trouble again when Andy beat all the locals at pool in the hotel. These people are trouble makers though, you can't judge the place by that.
Submitted by phuzzygish (user info) at 2005-03-03 07:16:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh man. That sucks balls. But it is kind of amusing... So much for third time lucky. Maybe wander around and try find some dykes?
(sorry. the devil made me say that...)
Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2005-03-03 06:20:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I went to amsterdam and got mugged. not fun.
I guess that's what you get for walking around the red-light district at 0300am, too stoned to see.
(if you ever do go, don't do that by the way)
Submitted by hairycoo (user info) at 2005-03-03 06:10:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
shame that
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-03-03 06:07:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
you did.
this is another unfortunate case of the eskimos.
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2005-03-03 06:05:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
eskimoish in the extreme
i told you i only got as far as the fukcing amsterdamn train station and airport, didn't i?
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-03-03 06:02:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Christ on a cracker.
Submitted by Rawrg (user info) at 2005-03-03 05:55:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm in such a great mood because I just watched the money pit and heard this line:
"Do you know what you have done? You have taken a woman, on of the greatest women in the world, and thrown her away. I lost her too but I will get over it because I am shallow and self centered. You, you wont because you are...complex...you will suffer in terrible anguish for the rest of your life. This is turning out to be a pretty good day."
---
+2
Submitted by Leonfc (user info) at 2005-03-03 05:54:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Shit luck............been there 3 times - can't remember a thing apart from bicycles and flavoured Rizla.....Hmmmmm
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2005-03-03 05:51:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You know that next time you'll drop your passport down the bog while joining the "solo Mile High Club" and they'll deport you without you even leaving Customs.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-03-03 05:48:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
damn right it sucks.
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2005-03-03 05:45:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-03-03 05:40:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA
Oh god, that sucks. I'm sorry, apollo. It's not funny, I know. No, you're right, it IS wrong of me to laugh like this only... you see... I can't stop...