Random Thoughts - 3/3/05 (1613 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: RandomThoughts
Rating: 1.54 on 41 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Tom Sorrell - sorrelltr.at.hotmail.com (View user info) at 2005-03-03 14:14:40 EST
If I were to describe a business where a group of men used fake names, spoke words (mostly written before hand) into a microphone, and got into fake fights for entertainment purposes, what would I be talking about? Pro wrestling or the rap music industry?
And while I'm on the subject, is there anyone in the country who could NOT have a hit rap single at this point? I'm convinced that someone could take Garrett Morris' rendition of "I'm going to get me a shotgun and kill all the whiteys I see" from the early years of Saturday Night Live, place it against a hip hop beat, and have Little John (er... Lil' John) scream along in the background and it would end up as the #1 rap single in the country. White kids all over would be tripping over their baggy pants to buy it without the least bit of irony.
Speaking of SNL, Amy Pohler, Fred Armisen, Keenan Thompson, and Seth Myers are very capable of taking the show back to its glory days. Armisen alone is funnier than anyone since Will Ferrell. He can do more with one facial expression than anyone on the show. Seriously, if I was writing for SNL, Armisen and Pohler would be in 75% of all the skits. On that note, I would also get rid of Horatio Sanz... he just doesn't get it. How many times a show does he try to make the host or the other cast members break character and laugh? Plus, hasn't he been on the show since Murphy and Piscapo sang "Black and White"? Even Tim Meadows didn't hold on this long. Of course, if he leaves, Armisen and Pohler will lose two of their best skits. Once again, I have no real point.
Lost may very well be the most addictive, yet frustrating television show of all time. Seriously, they can't get into agood rhythm of new shows (the longest they've gone without a repeat is four episodes), each show is about 20 minutes of actual new footage flanked by 40 minutes of recaps, previews, and commercials, they go weeks without talking about the giant fucking monster who disemboweled the pilot in the first episode (yet they continue to walk through the forest without a care in the world), but in the meantime I will not miss a show. If I'm out with friends on a Wednesday night, I WILL be home by 8 to watch Lost. No show has had this affect on me since the Real Sex series on HBO in the early 90s when that was the closest thing I could get to porn.
Is it just me, or do people with NASCAR stuff plastered all over their cars tend to drive like complete maniacs with absouletly no grip on reality? I saw a guy the other day in a red Monte Carlo WARMING UP HIS TIRES in a traffic jam. It just so happened that when I pulled up next to him, he had Dale Junior stickers EVERYWHERE and his license plate said DE JR 8 (Dale Earnhardt Jr. - 8). Of course, when traffic finally broke free, he took the apex of turns, he passed people with no warning, and he reached a top speed of about 4,927 MPH. What goes through these people's minds? "He drives a car. I drive a car. We're the same! WHEE!" Honeslty, I've never seen anything like it. You never see people wearing football pants and shoulder pads because they love Tom Brady? Get a life, people.
Speaking of Tom Brady, only six more months until preseason starts. Also, only 50 days left until the draft, the only time a Bengal fan like me is legitimately excited. Speaking of which, if the Bengals don't sign a marquee free agent this year (Hello! Ty Law is available!!), I'm going to personally take a Mack 10 to Paul Brown Stadium and kill Mike Brown and his entire family, then write: "You never should have fired me. - Bruce Coslet" on the wall in their blood.
Really quick, El Wife and I watched The Notebook last weekend and if I don't mention it she's going to hit me. I have to admit, it is not a bad movie and for the most part I enjoyed it (although I couldn't see much at the end because our apartment suddenly filled with lethal dust/smoke combination causing my eyes to water.). But it is perfectly ok for me to enjoy it because there is about fifteen seconds of footage of the guy fighting in WW2, right? RIGHT? Oh shut up, who asked you? Certainly not me... ok, yes I did. Shut up anyway.
User Reviews
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-08-26 09:27:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
wooooo! post from the past!
Submitted by Rawrg (user info) at 2005-03-09 02:11:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Meh, boring.
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2005-03-07 17:11:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Also, only 50 days left until the draft, the only time a Bengal fan like me is legitimately excited. Speaking of which, if the Bengals don't sign a marquee free agent this year (Hello! Ty Law is available!!), I'm going to personally take a Mack 10 to Paul Brown Stadium and kill Mike Brown and his entire family, then write: "You never should have fired me. - Bruce Coslet" on the wall in their blood.
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-03-06 18:12:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Spooner (user info) at 2005-03-06 14:14:59 (#)
Ranking: 2
You wonder why people say they remind you of Bill Simmons, they use his "dust causing my eyes to water" bit.
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Are you speaking in second person or are you high?
Anyway, the whole "it got dusty" thing has been around a lot longer than Simmons. My freaking grandpa used to say that and he died in '94.
Submitted by Spooner (user info) at 2005-03-06 14:14:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You wonder why people say they remind you of Bill Simmons, they use his "dust causing my eyes to water" bit.
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2005-03-06 13:42:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Just so you know--I'm your new ubersite stalker. Not for any personal reasons, or anything of substance. I just think it'd be fun.
So whatever I say, just forget it, because I'm probably stoned.
You're the man!
Submitted by Dead_0hi0_Sky (user info) at 2005-03-05 11:40:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
har har.
Submitted by Lechuga (user info) at 2005-03-05 11:28:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I ell oh elld.
Submitted by TabathaS. (user info) at 2005-03-04 11:59:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You're such a goofball!!
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-03-04 11:48:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by TabathaS. (user info) at 2005-03-04 11:25:52 (#)
Ranking: 0
How can you not like him if you've never read any of his books?
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Because I know it gets you all fired up and that makes me giggle and touch my nipples... or is it your nipples? I can never remember.
Submitted by wookie (user info) at 2005-03-04 11:37:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
AhHaHa! +2 for Garret "I am so sick of whitey on the move" Morris.
Amy "Yeah, I farted" Pohler rocks too.
Submitted by TabathaS. (user info) at 2005-03-04 11:25:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
How can you not like him if you've never read any of his books?
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-03-04 11:03:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh snap, El Wife just served Amanda!
Calm down wife, it's ok that people don't like Sparks. Hell, I don't like Sparks.
**ducks**
Ha!! You missed, sucka!!
Submitted by TabathaS. (user info) at 2005-03-04 09:16:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
"I haven't seen that movie (yet?), but I read the book and it sucked ASS. Seriously, if you think I'm an annoying writer, don't even *think* about touching that book. I liked the idea behind it, but the writing was frustrating. It was the type of writing that every action has a reaction, if that makes any sense. (For example: Hillary handed the flowers to Jack. Jack took the flowers and put them on the counter. Hillary looked at the flowers.) That's the type of writing. Grrrrrr."
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I highly doubt you even read the book. Nicholas Sparks is an excellent writer. And you're right you are an annoying writer.
Submitted by Val (user info) at 2005-03-03 19:34:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I never saw the movie but I read the book, and strangely enough, the train I was on also filled up with the same dust/smoke combo, causing me to weep publicly like a little girl for a good 20 minutes straight.
Submitted by MandaPanda (user info) at 2005-03-03 17:48:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That part about NASCAR.. did he look anything like this? http://www.ubersite.com/m/60888
I wouldn't be surprised if it was him.
I haven't seen that movie (yet?), but I read the book and it sucked ASS. Seriously, if you think I'm an annoying writer, don't even *think* about touching that book. I liked the idea behind it, but the writing was frustrating. It was the type of writing that every action has a reaction, if that makes any sense. (For example: Hillary handed the flowers to Jack. Jack took the flowers and put them on the counter. Hillary looked at the flowers.) That's the type of writing. Grrrrrr.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-03-03 17:27:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.ubersite.com/m/47349
That's how you do it.
Submitted by strider (user info) at 2005-03-03 17:11:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I've downloaded the first 17 episodes of Lost since I missed quite a few in the middle. My parents watched the first 2 last night and now they're hooked!
Submitted by Faithless_Whisper (user info) at 2005-03-03 16:57:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I really, really hate Horatio Sans...I think he is the main thing holding back SNL. he is seriously not funny...slapstick can only be taken so far. Now Tina Fey...she is HOT!
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-03-03 16:54:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
If your wife had any sense at all she'd divorce your crazy ass and take all your money.
Just kidding Tom, you know I just like to mess with you. El Wife is a lucky girl.
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-03-03 16:38:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
She's actually rated many of the things I post, but she only does so when she's at work. She has a tendency to rate me well which I've told her is not fair to everyone else, then we laughed ourselves silly and fucked like rabbits.
Wait, did I think that or type it? What's going on? Can they hear me?
Submitted by EAZEDZT (user info) at 2005-03-03 16:30:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Very, very .... very
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-03-03 16:21:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Here comes the wife!
Quick! Minimize Uber! Maximize the porn!
You wouldn't want her to think that you were capable of independent thought, would you?
Submitted by dodahdave (user info) at 2005-03-03 16:17:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
AHHHH!!
Wife on Uber! Wife on Uber!
Put the coke away and get rid of the hookers!!!
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-03-03 16:16:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Shut up, El Wife... no one asked you.
You love Sparks, but I love... um... cake. And Girl Scout Cookies, especially the Do Si Dos. So you can go to hell... and such.
Submitted by TabathaS. (user info) at 2005-03-03 16:05:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is El Wife.
The Notebook is based on Nicholas Sparks wifes grandparents. The book does not end the way the movie does. For all of the other El Wife's out there make sure you read The Wedding. It is the second part of The Notebook.
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-03-03 15:10:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by lojope (user info) at 2005-03-03 15:03:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Had me.... and then lost me a bit at the end.
Submitted by fudgepacker (user info) at 2005-03-03 14:55:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
you had me for a bit....but lost me with the bagging of horatio sanz and tom brady.
GO BLUE!!!!
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-03-03 14:53:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Don't be ashamed of your pussitude.
Submitted by dodahdave (user info) at 2005-03-03 14:52:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-03-03 14:48:03 (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm glad that my wife isn't interested in reading my shit on uber.
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Amen.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-03-03 14:48:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm glad that my wife isn't interested in reading my shit on uber.
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-03-03 14:38:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Actually I'm hoping they pick up Fumble McDropstheball from Podunk College.
And I should note that El Wife not only loved the movie but the book as well. Not only that, but she loves all his books... and she went to hear him talk and had him sign her book...
It is now obvious to me that she loves him.
What can I say, he writes about puppy dogs and flowers where as I write about Noah being a homosexual anmial lover... or I write about grabbing the boob of a corpse at a funeral (She LOVED that one, let me tell you)... or I write about making fun of retarded people and the elderly.
Hmmm...
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-03-03 14:34:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That should read:
"We all KNOW that the Bungles..."
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-03-03 14:32:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Is it just me, or do people with NASCAR stuff plastered all over their cars tend to drive like complete maniacs with absouletly no grip on reality?"
Yes. I have professed that theory also. I hate NASCAR.
In defense of Horatio Sanz, the guy can deliver a punch/tag line in a way that would make your Shamrock Shake shoot out of your nose. He is also like a utility infielder: he fills the slots of both token fat guy and token hispanic guy, which let's him satirize both.
We all that the Bungles are going to draft Waldo McPolio from Our Lady Of The Blind University with their first pick.
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-03-03 14:31:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Yea, I like posting these every once and a while. It's stuff that I don't want to write a thousand words about, but still want to mention. The Random Thoughts series (this is my 4th one of them) allows me to do that.
Submitted by calbearspolo (user info) at 2005-03-03 14:30:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Random Thought: Kick ass
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-03-03 14:29:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I think seeing James Garner weeping like a baby is what caused the dust and smoke to gather.
Submitted by TheRocketeer (user info) at 2005-03-03 14:27:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for this:
"White kids all over would be tripping over their baggy pants to buy it without the least bit of irony."
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-03-03 14:26:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Really quick, El Wife and I watched The Notebook last weekend and if I don't mention it she's going to hit me. I have to admit, it is not a bad movie and for the most part I enjoyed it (although I couldn't see much at the end because our apartment suddenly filled with lethal dust/smoke combination causing my eyes to water.). But it is perfectly ok for me to enjoy it because there is about fifteen seconds of footage of the guy fighting in WW2, right? RIGHT? Oh shut up, who asked you? Certainly not me... ok, yes I did. Shut up anyway.
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ahahahhahaha
My wife had me watch it about a week ago
The end?
I felt like the movie prducers sat down an made a list of things that make girls cry and then ranked them in severity. They slowly crescendo the whole movie with them until the end is like the grand finale in a fireworks show, making certain to illicit a flow of tears.
SPOILER:
I mean c'mon in the last 5 minutes they reveal her choosing him, the fact they had a family and life blah blah blah, she remembers him, and they die together in their sleep.
If I ever find anyone asscocited with that movie I'll make the 10'oclock news
Submitted by dodahdave (user info) at 2005-03-03 14:23:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
El Wife and I watched The Notebook last weekend and if I don't mention it she's going to hit me. I have to admit, it is not a bad movie and for the most part I enjoyed it
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