Lust (956 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 1.21 on 20 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Chinaski (View user info) at 2005-03-03 15:38:59 EST
I am caught in that strange fish-hook where something is pulling me inexorably forwards, despite my being simultaneously held back by the immutable chained laws of common sense. The condition of groping, hapless as an unborn babe, aware of one great philisophical beauty- which can be reached again only by determination, steadfastness, and great volumes of looob, and yet completely, infinitely, horrifyingly unaware of the other. Like a hapless infant indeed... and what is this curiouso, this perturbed malaise which troubles me so? What odd happening serves to confine me in this mental iron maiden?
My friends, it is lust.
Hot, dishevelled, sweaty, cancerous lust. Replacing my once-sturdy hips with the quaking hip-joints of the quivering, crotch-gyrating cowboy from Aqua Teen Hunger Force. Lust for little more than the quick transcendental bliss of a hot, quick, fuck. What once I glazed over as a danger to my immortal soul, where once I saved my manhood for marriage, now I perch, leery, hunkered over, irrationally volatile, in a seat in my university's library, trying desperately to catch whiffs of that elusive female musk-scent, and with but one thing on my mind.
That thing, my friends, is lust.
Now if you're like me, you get annoyed... slightly perturbed, if I might rehash that word again, no pun intended, when someone keeps repeating "That thing, my friends, is lust" like a south beach mystic shivering off the dregs of an unintentional PCP trip. You want to hear some follow up, see some structure to the tale which is surreptitiously increasing your chances of getting cancer somewhere down the line.
My tale begins anew with a description of a girl. A girl I am attracted to for a manner of reasons... there's... let's see, there's lust... lu... umm... she cooks... good lasagna...
bologna. erm, forget it. Let's move on-
Anyway, to wrap it up, (no pun intended, I don't do that, Jeannee) here I am skipping class, getting high, and busting out with some old-school honesty on a grrl (let's just say the word "nervous" came out of my mouth, along with some accidental spit and multiple voice-cracks as I shook like an epileptic). But I told my brain to move along and got lost in the rhythm of lu... ove. It was great... small tits... SMALL TITS!? My god, how low hath I sunk! Ne'er before have I crossed this once-sacred line... but ahh... well... here I am... mmm... not bad actually... sort of a bummer they aren't always pressed against my chest... oh well...
Ever noticed a girl can get REALLY turned on by simply rubbing a long, semi-hard sausage against her pants-and-panties-clad crotch, but if a guy rubs his erect dick against 4 layers of clothing and a sharp bone, it won't stay erect for long? That was starting to happen... but the clothes were coming off...
Hmm, I thought, I might want to wait on this to heighten the anticipation a little. This could be much better (<--- always searching for something better). "What do you say to waiting on that a day or two?" I asked piquantly (I think, I asked it and felt myself slip a little towards left field as the words left my mouth, but am pretty sure I'm still straight having said it however I did).
Whoops! Big mistake. I got a quick "I'm not looking for commitment" speech, replete with apologetic smile and case candy... no problem though, as I made intentions of being cool... very cool... with keeping it an benefits. With that duly clear, I took off. For now.
Ahh, the anticipation... if it doesn't brand you as a soft fruit with a tiny penis, it can be the sweetest thing!
User Reviews
Submitted by Zoidberg (user info) at 2005-04-05 23:59:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
you staggering retard!
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-03-15 11:23:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Just because you're you.
I know, I'm a gaywad.
Submitted by Feijuada (user info) at 2005-03-14 17:11:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Nicole3 (user info) at 2005-03-14 15:12:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I identify with the topic but the flow was very awkward. I think a bit of awkwardness is fitting when it comes to lust, but it was too much and made it difficult to read.
Submitted by hungovermondays (user info) at 2005-03-14 14:59:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
shit chin,
I didn't know that. The only story in "tales" that I liked was the one where buk picks the fight with the buddist monk.
I think I'm going to have to pick up Notes of a dirty old man, cause its been years since I have read it.
Submitted by hungovermondays (user info) at 2005-03-14 14:38:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is great stuff.
bonus for the "you want to hold off a day" and that being NOT the right thing to say.
Also, you mentioned :tales of ordinary maddness, on one of my posts
I thought it was a weaker collection. the stories were kinda dried up, middle aged depression.
what do you think?
Now, "the most beatiful woman in town" was fucking great, Have you read that one? if not, man o man, you are missing out, it is one of my favorite short story collections.
Submitted by kai070169 (user info) at 2005-03-13 14:00:46 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
because of excessive gheyness
Submitted by kai070169 (user info) at 2005-03-08 23:02:04 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No, you're still a troll. How long ya wanna keep this up, asswipe?
Submitted by Chinaski (user info) at 2005-03-03 20:22:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2005-03-03 19:15:17 (#)
Ranking: 2
i always thought of you as a troll...this was a pleasant surprise
_______
I'm glad.
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2005-03-03 19:15:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i always thought of you as a troll...this was a pleasant surprise
Submitted by Saxon (user info) at 2005-03-03 19:06:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Yes lust hmmmmmmm naw bugga it ill have a beer instead.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-03-03 16:49:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Envenom (user info) at 2005-03-03 16:45:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Beautifully written, great stuff.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-03-03 16:44:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Don't get fresh with me young man. I'll wash your mouth out with soap.
(just kidding you know I'd let you do me)
WHAT?
Submitted by Chinaski (user info) at 2005-03-03 16:39:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You mean if I wear one you'll be my desert Jeeannee? ")
Submitted by screamfeeder (user info) at 2005-03-03 16:27:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Faithless_Whisper (user info) at 2005-03-03 16:12:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Lust is good. The strongest emotion we humans have.
Submitted by wtf_is_going_on (user info) at 2005-03-03 15:46:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Lust is great!
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-03-03 15:46:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Young man, if you don't start using rubbers I'm going to send you to bed with no dessert for a week. I mean it. Don't make me come up there.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-03-03 15:43:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
To quote something my dad once said;
"If it starts thinking for you, slam it in a window."